maybe until our hands reach out and we fly anti gravity boots straight up to the moon and beyond stretching for each other as we go our separate ways only to meet again will we be together.
certainly after the money under the mattress has dissolved into our dead skin that pools and becomes dust will our children find us holding hands, the chicken carcass sitting in the stove from the last time i tried to cook you dinner.
we will take walks together, even though right now you hate them, and when i start to go blind and demented you will remember my passion for the written word and in your gravelly worn voice will read me volumes of poetry you don't understand.
across the universe we will sing our wedding song that i have secretly chosen, and i will dissolve into cackling laughter leaving you to be the strong one.
or maybe i am the strong one and i don't know it yet- i have a tendancy to float on when all i want to do is drown, and maybe it will be you that needs me, stricken with grief or cancer or something even more morbid.
i'm sorry, i think of these things.
i would put down my pen, and pick up the baby, and learn to make the best mashed potatoes you ever had -even better than your mothers- and we would become one person under the fool moon as our baby becomes a graduate and builds his own nest.
today and tomorrow, shaky as they are, give way to a future in which there is only you and me, only forever, here and now.

Ii’m just going to ramble about my life/whats going on in my head right now and if you don’t like it then don’t read it. I don’t mean that rudely at all, I just mean if you don’t like it there isn’t any reason to keep reading and then treat me like shit because you didn’t like the things I said.

I got a new tattoo the other day, it is my second. It says “find your freedom in the music, find your jesus, find your cupid.” The lyrics are from ‘dance in the dark’ and they mean a lot to me because its about loving yourself and being yourself when people are trying their best to put you down. I am thinking of getting “in the religion of the insecure, I must be myself, respect my youth” either underneath or on the other side.

Well I got it on my ribs and it hurt so bad but in that satisfying way like when I used to hurt myself. I started thinking back to when it was really bad. One time I slammed my arm so hard against the metal banister… it left this huge bruise that hurt so bad. But it hurt so good. Pain that I’ve inflicted on myself has always felt so amazing. Isn’t that sick to say? Is it wrong? I know. But I don’t care. I do my best these days to stay away from harm that I myself can prevent. I don’t slam myself around, I don’t do much like that anymore. I slipped up a few weeks ago. I’m fine.

I’m getting fat though. And I hate it. Everyone makes fun of me for eating too much but I am constantly starving and i don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to eat less but that makes me hungrier and then I end up eating so much to make up for it and I feel like a fat piece of shit.

In my mind I am one person and to everyone on the outside I seem like someone completely different. Who am I to you? the snob? The know it all? goody two shoes? You don’t know me. So fuck off. There’s a tattoo. FUCK OFF right on my forehead.

I miss things. I miss lisa frank. I miss sticker collections. I miss everything and nothing at all. I miss having a girlfriend. There;s so much I’ve yet to do that I want to and time keeps swooping away. I barely know you but I want you.

it's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring....
except he's not. my aunt and her son and her dog are here, and it seems as if my family is now 20 people in one house and i don't like it. i like quiet, i like peace. i like being alone and not feeling lonely. i wish i had my own home where i could thrive. i want to grow flowers on the windowsill and stack my books by color. there would be a cabinet in the kitchen devoted to tea and honey. my fridge would be full of fruits and veggies and water.
i'd light candles on days like this- rainy sundays because when i have my own home, i'll hopefully soon after have a job where i'm off on weekends. and i'll wake up early and clean the house and wash my clothes and bedding, and shower, just so i can get into a clean bed with my clean body and clean pj's and read a book or two. i'd paint my bedroom red, and the living room cerulean. the kitchen would be tiffany blue, and the dining area would be purple. i don't even have to close my eyes and i just see my sanctuary in front of me so close i could touch it if i could just reach a litttttle farther.

what;s your safe space like?

well, i must have been seriously ill
because i was going to text you and say what?
say i miss you?
say you should forgive me?
what did i even do that i need to be forgiven for?
i did what i always do.
i ran away.
i know i made the right decision, but it still bothers me.
i wish i could be the one to tame these men like wild horses, but is it right to pin people down like butterflies and spread out their wings in a frame, a cruel punishment for something that will never fly again.
but- who am i kidding?
you aren't a wild horse, or a butterfly.
you're a pig.
wait- not a pig. pigs are intelligent as a 3 year old human child. we can train them to do math and video games. and they roll in the mud because it CLEANS them. so why do we call men who have wronged us pigs?

so  went outside and had a cigarette
shoot me, i know my friends will.
i would shoot myself if i saw me standing there,
but these days i want to feel nothing more than anything.
all i feel is pain and fear. i feel like nothing is possible.
my body isn't mine, there is nothing i can control.
money is evil and it makes me sad because everything i want and need requires it.
how did i get on the subject of money?

everything we did together was confusing.
cuddling on the couch watching movies.
you told me to open my soul to you,
i shut the door on your foot.
that night where you tried to kiss me and i actually pushed you away.
i think now of that night going differently.
i often think of me being different.
going after what i want and what i need.
driving a fucking car.
finding a better job.

she is what i loathe and want to be simultaneously.
so fuck it.
fuck me.

the people i once knew became strangers. i wish you were an album i could reach for any time, listen and still remember your words. or at least your melody. you are everything i want to be but never could be. because you have something in you that i don't. some sort of drive or passion that i am always chasing. you have impeccable style, you have gorgeous hair. your skin is the color of very light coffee and your tattoo is just like you... an understated beauty.

now i know someone who reminds me of you and i wonder if she and i will ever become friends. but so many things hold me back. i don't and can't regret who i was but there needs to be a big change in who i am. it's time that i face my anxieties head on. it's time that i focus on making myself happy and not anyone else. it's time to do all of the things i've been too chicken shit to do. and it's time to stop getting angry. every day, i'm angry. i hate my body, i hate myself, i hate so many people and things and thats sad. i can only love from afar- people i don't know, things i don't have. i appreciate what i have until i see what he has or she has and i wish i had that.

im just not confident in myself. i don't think i am good enough for anyone or anything. and i hate it. i hate that my anxiety has driven me to make choices that i wish i didn't make. it has made my life 10x harder and no one gets it. the worst is even my best friends don't really pay attention when i try to tell them how depressed/anxious/fucked up i am because i am so good at hiding it that it seems like i am exaggerating when i talk about it. well, i'm not. its debilitating. and while you sit there telling me you understand, well you don't. you really really fucking don't.

winter fell down on my head and landed with a soft thud
snow in my hair and icicles on my lashes forming
with me, i was born to enjoy the cold the frigid
it always snowed on my birthdays and no one could come to my party
so i'd cry if i want to, cry if i want to

life was never so golden as in the fall
the leaves took me with them in their dance
i fell into the piles and stared at the sky for hours
there is no more fall
the earth is sleeping again

summer took me into its arms and the smell of
chlorine always intoxicated me, i was high
off of life, the first time i got high it was summer
and i liked it. graduation parties, pool parties,
everyone is so cool in the summer but no one
called me. so i sat in my house and read

the book of spring is the book of love
don't you fall in love every spring when the cherry blossoms
pepper your driveways in pink and the trees wake up
teenagers, new again, dreams, cotton candy
it's all in the spring

you would cry too, if it happened to you.

so cold i can see my breath floating in front of my face, no gravity to hold it down, like my heart when i see your face interspersed with hers intermingled with his interlinked with yours again. so cold i can feel the arms of death wrap around me again, i am so tired i feel like i might die, i have never been so tired in my life as these past few weeks. but it's good, i need to be busy to keep from being sad.
you can tell where i'm at by the amount of harry potter i've been ingesting. when i binge on these movies and books, you know i am lonely. its a kind of loneliness i never asked for, but got used to. everyone hated me, i was alone. everyone thought i was weird. i craved that letter to hogwarts. i craved a dumbledore to show me the way. he never came.
as the years went on i learned that i am my only friend, the only one who can guard my secrets. and i have some terrible secrets. i have become so secretive, so shady, the only person who i feel i can tell most things to besides myself is Emily. i know i can trust her, i know she's meant to be my best friend. how else do you explain the fact that we want the same tattoos and shirts and books and movies? it goes much deeper than that. i would give any organ to this girl any day. she saves me from being lonely.

*to clarify, i don't make synonyms of 'alone' and 'lonely'. being alone is fine, in fact i like being alone. lonely is bad bad bad, and it feels like you have no heart. just an empty cavity.

you say too young for love
you say too old for fun
you say too old to want you
you're angry you're too young

you say that i'm audacious
i know that i am bold
i am no replicatus
and on you i am not sold

i tell you that you're handsome
you tell me that i'm alright
if you were not so rude
i might ask you to spend the night

but we will never be
and you should know why
i'd rather feel trapped
than start a new life

where are you going, where have you been?

SO. where the fuck have i been?
well..
besideslivingadoublelife as a rockstar by night and an ordinary girl by day....

i have been:
seeing awesome concerts such as florence and the machine on 11/1 (her voice is even better live, her hair is very red, the costume was gorgeous and we were RIGHT UP FRONT and it was just amazing to hear her speak in her little british accent) & kate nash (well, thats tonight... so you know... i didnt see her yet. but ill get back to ya)

reading some good books on death and dying (not on purpose):
wintergirls by laurie halse anderson 5/5
the beginner's guide to living (forgot the author sorry. its YA) 5/5
you know where to find me, by rachel cohn 3.5/5
and i am rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows right now =]

seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part une
so good. emily was disappointed with some things, i am sure as i reread the book i will form a new opinion, seeing as the first timei read it i did the unthinkable and kind of skimmed because i really didnt like it but to me it didnt live up to the potential of the series and oh my lord i am going to shut up now before everyone kills me because i love harry potter i really do

apparently i was the star of the month at work in october and got an extra boost in my check. woohoo!
i dont even care that we are most likely picked at random and not for our work ethic

sitting in my friends cars til 1, 2, 3 am or later just talking just because

and the real clincher, going to denver colorado for the national women's studies association conference!
it was awesome being a part of such a collective of inspiring women, going to Shabbat for the first time, seeing all sorts of females and males decipher what it means to be a woman in 2010, and what it meant to be a woman before, and wondering how much this has changed, if at all. it was great to go out on my own without my parents, fly to another state- colorado is gorgeous-and just have fun. i never would have thought colorado would be so nice.

i've also been sleeping, forgetting to eat, eating things that are bad for me, and doing some homework and hanging out with emily. the life <3

all the pieces, the pieces, the pieces of me

krystal? carbo? athena? throwing names out there...

dear secret friend

i sit here listening to train. i [so far] made 7 playlists of artists/bands i like/want to check out because i always get music at the library and then forget to listen to it. so this way its all consolidated and i just listen to the playlists and get my daily dose of music.

i went to levittown library today and -biggest gasp of all- somebody was willing to help me. i was floored. and then the nice guy at the circulation desk was... nice. so SOME people at the library are nice. mostly, not so much.

i've been home for less than 2 hours and i've made one brother cry, made up with him, helped the other write a halloween poem using his spelling words (they are in 3rd and 4th grade, respectively) and helped my grandma make plans with my dad. not to mention did laundry. i had a long day, it was my first day back at school since last thursday (i dont have school friday, sat, sun and monday/tuesday i was sick). it was long and i didn't eat from 930 am until 530 pm. i usually don't do that... it's not good to not eat all day... so needless to say i need some rest; but homework calls.

2 3 things to say:
- i got 3 awesome-seeming books at the library:
Fragments, which is the newest marilyn monroe book... but THIS one is made up of things SHE wrote. so it's her perspective, her story. not some old guy who researched.
Richard Yates by Tao Lin. i've heard a lot about this author, he's supposedly very experimental and it seems like it might be fun to read a book of his.
and last but not least, a novella: walks with men by ann beattie

-i daydreamed all day about whether or not i should re read all of the lois duncan books i devoured in middle school and write my thoughts about them one here... maybe.

-i think its okay if somebody decided not to wear purple today. thats your business. i personally wore a purple shirt with the words "fuck you very much" written across my chest [lily allen, anyone?]
but what i DO NOT appreciate is someone tweeting how they would never ever wear purple, and that they hate f--s, etc. i know i can't change people, i know that everyone has free speech. but its very insensitive. how does this person know that he/she has no closeted followers? so inconsiderate.
this is why people are afraid to come out in the first place. some people might think i am a lesbian from how much i write about gay rights, but thats ok. even though i'm not gay, i don't consider it an insult and therefore i wouldn't be upset that someone may think that about me.

everything is not what it seems

last night i dreamt about john krasinski; he had just finished marrying jenna fischer when he realized he was madly in love with me. sometimes i wish i was liz lemon and that 30 rock and the office were one show. imagine the antics that would go on between michael scott and tracey jordan? by the way, i'm only on season 3 of the office, so for me... steve carell isn't going anywhere for a while. i'd love to write for a tv show. it would be grueling and so awesome. i can handle the tough stuff.

i stayed home from school the past 2 days to recoup, i have a horrible sinus infection. today i had to walk to work to give them a doctor's note for sunday and let them know i wouldn't be in tomorrow. on the way there i listened to kesha and wondered what life would be like musically if there were no autotune. which makes me think that it's not autotune that's bad, its the overuse of it. i am really bad at detecting autotune. if i detect it, you are using too much.

i think the only time detectable autotune was ever good was right before it became this big sensation. circa 2003, liz phair * used it on her eponymous album. back then she said something like 'recording this album was great. i got to play around with my voice with these really cool voice changer thingies.' thats not EXACTLY what she said, but close enough :) and lady gaga used it in blueberry kisses. even if you aren't necessarily the biggest gaga fan, take a listen.

if you don't know who liz phair is, i'm not sure you should be here. liz phair is one of the top 10 reasons i should have been born in 1979. she is just amazing, she recorded songs that she wrote about boys and drugs on cassette tapes in her room under the moniker "girlysounds." it became a hit and spawned the album exile in guyville, in which a dead pan liz sings about... boys and drugs. but she gets it. she gets the mind of a young woman in distress. she gets the mind of american youth. she is a rock and roll goddess.

for me she is just one of the many many mannyyyyyy artists that has influenced me.

i received an amazing compliment today when i logged onto blogspot. he or she hit it right on the nail: i am not always so sure people are listening or caring. its not that i need people to praise me all the time or tell me i am wonderful. we are all wonderful. but maybe a little less quiet a little more noise. interact with me. whoever you are, anonymous, you really made my day. i wasn't feeling well, and i logged on just to see if Joanna Goddard or Samantha Shorey had posted, and there was a huge comment and i thought, "oh geez this is probably going to be a really long hateful message" because usually i do get hateful messages if i get comments at all... and it was the opposite of hateful. you said i might know you... any hints?

if anyone wants to find me whenever i've been absent from here, you can read more of my babble at http://erinnnnnnaquarius.tumblr.com/  or twitter.com/kil1thewaitress - the second L is the number 1.

love you all <3

video killed the radio star

so i get burned out from school and work. thursday night i do some homework and then throw down the pencil. it's time to do something with my life. nothing productive, mind you.

i go to the movies with jen and see Easy A. and it's fabulous. it was everything i didn't expect it to be. it was not your typical teen movie. first of all, emma stone is going to be a big star. but what makes this movie is that she isn't yet. so it's a fresh face in an original comedy. i loved the references to the brat pack movies, and [obviously] the scarlet letter. if you haven't seen Easy A, and you like Mean Girls and quirky movies, go see it. If you like teen comedies, go see Easy A. if you live under a rock, if you... JUST GO.

then i went to montauk with dan. montauk was fun, it was nice to get away. i got to put my feet in the ocean water for probably the last time until summer 2011. i got to eat fudge which is like a once every few years thing. i slept in the car on the way home which i haven't done in so long. it's not comfortable. we ate at friendly's and then vegged out and watched The Office. the thing about the office is, it's extremely funny. i mean i know not many people watch it- it's very obscure. no one really knows about it except for an elite few. so please keep it on the DL that we watched it. thanks.

and today, drumroll pleaseeee:

i got a new phone!! so i actually have a phone that works!! it's the LG cosmos and i'm still getting used to it but it's pretty much common sense. it's all very exciting.
this was the only exciting part of today, unless you count watching the first 2 episodes of buffy [i'm rewatching the series for the 3rd time?] and reading 98 pages so far of emily giffin's Baby Proof [the only novel of hers i have yet to read...]

i was wondering if anybody knows of a good book charity i can donate to? i would very much appreciate it if someone could point me in a good direction. i donated to my local library once and i didnt like the way it was handled. so that's not an option this time.

to all of my friends that think i am missing or dead:
this is the first weekend that i've had time to breathe. so i took it for myself. i have literally been running from school to work and school to work and school to work. when i'm home i'm babysitting or doing homework. maybe listening to lady gaga. but mostly homework. i have lived on a steady diet of soup and apples. sometimes pbj's, iced mocha lattes, and bagels. it's not that i don;t love you it's just that i don't have time. but when i have time i'll let you all know. the little free time i have i want to spend in bed reading, watching movies, and listening to music. i know most of my friends are in the same boat.

i also had a long post planned but haven't gotten around to it =\

i heart animal collective and passion pit and i heart you

but this post is about yoga.

my first foray into yoga was in high school, around junior year. we did a dvd in class and i kinda liked it but it felt silly doing it in a room filled with my classmates whom were always laughing at each other and i didn't want to feel like they were laughing at me. then, in senior year, my big hulking former football playing chem teacher formed a yoga club which i eagerly joined.
but it wasn't until last year that i really got into yoga when i started going to LuLu Lemon classes with her on sunday mornings at 930 am. i've posted about it before, it's always a great experience to be there. unfortunately work has gotten in the way but now i get to take yoga mondays and wednesdays for a PE class at my college. too bad it ends in October and the college refuses to give us a "yoga II." there is a tennis II, a jogging II, but not a yoga II. which is so unfair because yoga is such a great physical and mental activity that stimulates all areas of the body and spirit. perhaps we can start a petition...

yoga is something i feel i will carry with me for the rest of my life. i can do it anywhere, it's not as if i need to carry equipment around. it calms me down, and i lead a very stressful life just like every one else does these days. yoga makes me ready for the day, and ready to take on whatever comes my way. i love the way it combines the verbal, physical, and spiritual, and makes them all one with each other yet separate entities. no wonder it has stood the test of time.

to kindle, or not to kindle.... that is the question

first of all let me tell you that i have been very anti-e-reader. i don't believe that books are dead, and i don't want to bury mine only to hear stifled screams from the coffin. i love books, the paper, the smell, the words, the texture. the covers that look way better in person than the online images do. i will never give up books, because they represent my soul and my awakening as a child. i am a book personified. i live eat and breathe reading and writing.

and then there is this: i have many unread books in my room that i'm making my way through, and i have many beloved books i'd like to read over and over. if i wanted them on an e-reader, i'd have to buy them again. and if i don't, then i'd still be carrying books around.

there really should be a way to get books that you already own onto the e-reader without paying the price of the book. i know that an i-phone has a book scanning system used to compare pricing. if only something like that could be put into effect on an e-reader where one can scan their books that they already own onto their e-reader via that little box on the back with the upc and coding. but alas, the problem is that everyone would be scanning books that they didn't really own.

so now i am not sure. the prices are at an all time low. if i wait, will they bounce back up? or will they continue to drop, or stay the same?

i don't want an e-reader that much. it's just that 1)books are more portable on there. i can carry essentially hundreds of books and magazines, etc at a time. 2)books are cheaper in e-book form.
HOWEVER, if i have a copy of a book vs an e-reader, the e-reader is more likely to be stolen. and i'd lose a lot of money on that.

there's a lot to consider. anyone have thoughts?

no. inspiration. whatsoever.

blue and yellow purple pills

I’ve invented a pill that gives you time

To go to school and work full time

To see your friends, to read and to write

And get a full 8 hour sleep at night

I’ve invented a pill, it keeps you awake

To make it through all of the give and take

No side effects, no dizzy spells

No headaches, no going through hell

I’ve invented a pill, it’s all you’d ever need

You’ll have time to clean and dance and breed

Make some art, plant a creative seed

It really is the only thing you’d need

We’ve got so much to do

And so little time

So take this pill

And you’ll be feeling all right

don't look back in anger

" the winds of september fanned harvests of fire on the dry hills... feeding on chaparral and tract homes. the smell of the smoke always brought me back to my mother, to a rooftop under an untrustworthy moon. how beautiful she had been, how perfectly unhinged. it was my second season of fire without her. oleander time. i read that the jews celebrated their new year now, and i decided i too would calculate time from this season."

pg 167, white oleander, janet fitch.


it's late, or early depending on how you look at it. time is such a strange thing. it passes by so fast when you want it to last and when you need it to run, it slows down and takes deep breaths and long gulps of water and stretches until you can't take it anymore. time with loved ones is scarce, time at work and school and with homework is plentiful. people think its so easy to be a student who works, and that because we're young we should be able to do more. i think people who judge based on age aren't very smart at all. that's just my opinion. i've always made friends with the teachers. i've always been an old woman at heart.
this semester is going to be grueling. the commute, the teachers who think they are the only teacher who matters and so they assign enough work for 3 classes. running to work for 8 hour shifts. it will all be worth it one day when i have the paperwork that says i succeeded. it will be worth it when i have a home, a partner, a business, a life. maybe one day i can enjoy fall, my favorite season, to the fullest. i could take my daughter apple picking and we could make cider for thanksgiving. i could take my son to the woods behind our home to get firewood for the fire place. but for now, i work my ass off along with everybody else. and i learn to love it.
and i do love it. because the commute gives me time to listen to music. and some of the homework is interesting, even if it is way too much. and work gives me money to use on the off chance i have time to go out with my friends, or to save for my future [or, lets face it... to buy books at barnes and noble and nonsense shit at target]. and i get to take a yoga class the first half of the semester. what could be better than that?
i love the fall weather that's starting to creep in. i love being texted to see where on campus i am. i love iced coffee and a sweater on a chilly day, and the fall sun. i love it.

home

I had a horse

I had a horse

I had a horse

We went riding into town

We stayed on course

We stayed on course

I stayed on course

But then I went tumbling down

Down by the bay

Where the watermelons grow

Back to my home

I dare not go

We took a trip

We took a trip

We took a trip

To see the blue pear trees

Don’t know what it is

What it is

Oh what is it that makes you love me?

Down by the bay

Where the watermelons grow

Round and round I go

Where I stop nobody knows

But it won’t be home

No it can’t be home

No it won’t be home

I can’t go home

Home is a place to rest your head and eat a meal

Home is a place where love is what you’re s’posed to feel

Home is a place where you can always be yourself

Home is a place to share the wealth

Home is a place where a person’s supposed to smile

Home is a place to hunker down for a while

Home is a place for a parent and a child

A loving marriage and a temper mild

Down down down down by the bay

Where the watermelons grow long as day

Back to a home where I never laugh or play

I dare not go if you’re giving me a say

ode to sarra manning

i was fifteen when i read my first sarra manning book; it was Guitar Girl, and it was given to me by my boyfriend at the time for christmas. i kindof looked at it and thought to myself, it looks ok... we'll see. i devoured it. at this point i was very into all things british/and french [still am...] and so it was the perfect book. i still have it sitting on my shelf, but now it is joined by 2 of her others, Pretty Things and Lets Get Lost.

side note: i just found out that guitar girl came out on my birthday in 2004. kismet.

what i love about sarra is, she writes about teen angst like she lives it. she isn't condescending, she doesn't preach at all. she just tells it like it is. i've read many many books in my short life, some very memorable, some not so much. but i could tell you what every single one of her books is about out of the ones i've read so far. she uses music to guide much of her writing, even giving her books a playlist [yes many authors do this but she's one of the first authors i ever saw doing this actively and posting her playlists in the back of the books... she was doing this way before stephenie meyer popularized it.] 

i recommend sarra's books to anyone who is,was, or ever will be a teenager with a restless heart. 

read guitar girl if you like music and want to imagine what it would be like to be thrust into musical fame.

read pretty things if you are a gay boy or a straight girl or something in between and you like theatre camp.

read let's get lost if you hate your life and your parent[s] and need some new music to listen to.

and read nobody's girl if you hate mean girls, love paris, and cute american boys.

400th post

it's september, and school just started and as much as i wanted- needed- the semester to start, i feel like it crept up on me and slapped me across the face. it's still hot as hell outside and i honestly can't wait for the fall weather to sneak in and cool me down. 

the past few day's i've been running around so much between work and school that i've barely even thought about things i could write, let alone blogged/wrote in a journal/ added to my story. this is something i hope to remedy when i get a groove going.

i'm one of those people who gets excited by new clothes and pencils, new school supplies and the jitters of another school year starting. but i spent an arm and a leg on textbooks, and i haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in months. i probably won't for another few months. but that's the way of a 20 year old. always moving, always running from work to school and out with friends, and in my case home to watch my brothers and help out the family even when i don't really feel like it. 

there's a lot of homework coming up.

and concerts.

and taking notes.

2 years ago this day i was feeling the sensation that something just wasn't right.

today i know that i can make it all right.