don't look back in anger

" the winds of september fanned harvests of fire on the dry hills... feeding on chaparral and tract homes. the smell of the smoke always brought me back to my mother, to a rooftop under an untrustworthy moon. how beautiful she had been, how perfectly unhinged. it was my second season of fire without her. oleander time. i read that the jews celebrated their new year now, and i decided i too would calculate time from this season."

pg 167, white oleander, janet fitch.


it's late, or early depending on how you look at it. time is such a strange thing. it passes by so fast when you want it to last and when you need it to run, it slows down and takes deep breaths and long gulps of water and stretches until you can't take it anymore. time with loved ones is scarce, time at work and school and with homework is plentiful. people think its so easy to be a student who works, and that because we're young we should be able to do more. i think people who judge based on age aren't very smart at all. that's just my opinion. i've always made friends with the teachers. i've always been an old woman at heart.
this semester is going to be grueling. the commute, the teachers who think they are the only teacher who matters and so they assign enough work for 3 classes. running to work for 8 hour shifts. it will all be worth it one day when i have the paperwork that says i succeeded. it will be worth it when i have a home, a partner, a business, a life. maybe one day i can enjoy fall, my favorite season, to the fullest. i could take my daughter apple picking and we could make cider for thanksgiving. i could take my son to the woods behind our home to get firewood for the fire place. but for now, i work my ass off along with everybody else. and i learn to love it.
and i do love it. because the commute gives me time to listen to music. and some of the homework is interesting, even if it is way too much. and work gives me money to use on the off chance i have time to go out with my friends, or to save for my future [or, lets face it... to buy books at barnes and noble and nonsense shit at target]. and i get to take a yoga class the first half of the semester. what could be better than that?
i love the fall weather that's starting to creep in. i love being texted to see where on campus i am. i love iced coffee and a sweater on a chilly day, and the fall sun. i love it.