Ralph Waldo Emmerson:

"THINGS ARE pretty, graceful, rich, elegant...but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful."

song of today- 'janet' by the format

I lost my memory cap
Back in the city
Somewhere off of Lexington
Just something that the east coast does to me
Makes me forget who I am

Well so c'mon and hold me
Don't put out the lights
I wanna see that look in your eyes
I know that lately
I've been out of your sight
Being here has never felt so right

I'm falling in love with you
Balloons or no balloons
So it's time I forget the past
And just learn to love what I have
'Cause I love waking up to your laugh, oh

Something about the midwest sun and oh
It makes me miss you more than life
Could be the trees that stand alone in the fields
They remind me every couple of miles
I'd love to stop our lives, stop everything
Just so we could move far away
We'll live alone together with the sweat of the summer
With the chill of the cold winter air, oh yeah

I'm falling in love with you
For more reasons than 22
So it's time I forget the past
And just learn to love what I have
'Cause I love waking up to your laugh, yeah, whoa, oh whoa

Won't you put it in drive
C'mon and get me back home
I'll spend the rest of my life
With only you by my side

Alright

I'm falling in love with you
Balloons or no balloons
It's time I forget the past
And just learn to love what I have
'Cause I love waking up to your laugh, yeah, whoa, oh whoa

Won't you put it in drive
C'mon and get me back home
I'll spend the rest of my life
With only you by my side

just wrote...

This kiss/it was so unexpected/ and it wrapped me ‘round your finger baby/ I know/ this can’t last that long/ it will end in disaster/ like my favorite song/ you are telling me that my heartbeat’s a melody/ and you are the 15 things that I need in a lover

Baby we can’t escape/ but I know it’s going to happen soon/ we will change our minds

Baby the world is round/ and I’m tired of spinning upside down/this is sad but it will never hold us together

So turn around and kiss me/ turn around and love me/ I will never let you go for fear you’re dying baby I’m dying/ for you/ baby I’m sorry, but it’s so true/ this can’t last.

ANTHEMS FOR A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL- BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE

Used to be one of  the rotten ones and I liked you for that Used to be one of  the rotten ones and I liked you for that Used to be one of  the rotten ones and I liked you for that  Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back Can't you come back?  Used to be one of  the rotten ones and I liked you for that Used to be one of  the rotten ones and I liked you for that Used to be one of  the rotten ones and I liked you for that  Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back  Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under my window  Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me  Park that car, drop that phone Park that car, drop that phone. (dream about me) Park that car, drop that phone Park that car, drop that phone. (dream about me) Park that car, drop that phone  Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back

just like a prayer

sometimes i write you 3 page notes in my mind

telling you just how i feel.

i wish you got to read them. perhaps someday

i will write it all down.

things i will never buy again, because i can make them

greeting cards

wrapping paper

little crappy beaded bracelets

some people like to picnik their photos so that they can enhance a memory. i would never change a picture of you. you're already strikingly beautiful.

memories.

when i was in kindergarten, we had naptime. everyone would lay down on these little mats and were forced to take a nap. i never really took naps when i was 5. i hated it. but there was this little boy michael rustiki. and he used to hold my hand. he came to my birthday party one year and his mom had made me a sweatshirt. i don't have it anymore, but i wish i did. i am friends with michael rustiki on facebook. i asked him if he remembers holding my hand, but he never said anything to me.

one of my earliest memories is my fourth birthday. i was jumping up and down, bouncing on my parents bed talking to my mom and my aunt. why do i remember such insignificant things, but i can't remember what i said in an argument 5 minutes ago?

i used to have nightmares that my parents abandoned me in the mall parking lot. sometimes at night i couldn't fall asleep because i was afraid my parents were going to die like my dad's did when he was young. one night, i got sent to bed early. i dont know why. what i do know is that a few days before, my dad started a sentence and i had interrupted him. as i was trying to fall asleep that night i started crying hysterically. my parents thought i was trying to get out of being punished to watch TGIF. the truth is, i thought, what if my dad dies tonight and i'll never know what he wanted to say? what if it was important?

if there is a god

god is woman

and she could be lurking

around the corner

and if i were looking

i'd know where to find her

if there is a god

she's friends with the angels

the flowers are blooming

with her water and light

and if there's a god

god is unhappy

with how we've been living

and i pray that someday

we can all stand again

and maybe we cant stop

pretending

it's easy to lie back

and say there's nothing there

it's hard to believe in things we cannot see

what about love?

what about hope?

what about sadness?

we believe in those things

if there is a god

she's angry with me

since i cant decide

if i do believe

i love the beach,

long live the night

the towers are glowing

i can breathe in the northern lights

catching the stars

that are your eyes

i can feel you moving next

to me in time

to the music playing in your car

i can hear the bass

when i don't know where you are

you can tell me i'm a dreamer

or a spoiled child

i love to imagine

and i know i can be wild

so take my hand

let's run together

we are just kids

so we can see forever

spanning the globe

and wrapping our hearts

in metal shaped containers

and wheels of carts

aren't you tired of pulling me in?

and how can i be content with mapping my days

around your face?

and my thoughts around your favorite songs?

cause every time i have a moment where i want to jyst give up...

you are there

and the dusk settles down,

a freckle on the water;

the sun just a reflection

of yellows and golds

oranges and reds

laying down to sleep

to make way for the glittering moon

a holiday from myself

life would have been so different

if i were in your place,

and i'm wondering if i were you

how would my favorite food taste?

you and i so estranged

it's hard to believe

just a few years ago

you were such a part of me

look at your life and look at mine

so much has changed in such little time

now you're dressed in the fashion

i've always dreamed of

and when you go to sleep

it's in a room you dreamed up

your mother and your father

are living out their fantasy

and you get to do the same thing everyday

got your photography

(i'm left with my philosophy)

got your singing gigs

(i'm left singing into hair combs)

got your exotic looks

(and i'm plain as the day)

you seem like you're so happy

i'm in so much pain

how could i

want to be you when i dont even know who you are

maybe you aren't really living a life that is charmed

i wanna be you just for a minute

oh hell, i wanna be you just for a minute

let's trade

for a day

we can call it

a holiday

from myself

a long time ago

i was a mermaid

in a lake

in a valley

where the sea turtles

came for vacation

and i turned to them

and said

'welcome to my lagoon.'

a few minutes ago

i wished to be something

more than that mermaid

this was a mistake

because now

instead of my watery lagoon

i live in a fiery pit

of hell.

Currently reading...

I Don't Want to be Crazy, by Samantha Shutz.

i'm only on page 40 and i am already reading about myself. me likey. however, her name being samantha makes my mind wander to the lovely Samantha Best which makes me want to watch the Best Years which makes me miss the-n which makes me want to crawl backwards in time.

idk.

its not my fault

if i'm sick

i cant help it

that you don't understand

what it's like

to be in this moment

the same way that i do

and

i can't for the life of me

see what is so appealing

about being you

yet i want to be you so bad.

i want to be careless

and bitchy

and happy and i want to

laugh at my friends

when they fall down drunk

i want to be drunk

and happy about it

not sober and

solemn.

i missed out

i know that

on a new experience

and don't think

i don't wake up

crying

in a cold sweat

from the nightmares

and the dreams

that i was given

a second chance

one more moment

to shine and

i grasp it

like a star

or a phallic symbol

hoping it will

make it all worth it

frustrating people

frustrating people always find their way in to my life. the thing about frustrating people is at first they always seem so cool and unfrustrating. then they do like one or two frustrating things, but you still like them because they continue to seem like cool or your best friend until you love them and then they show you just how fucking frustrating they are. now its too late and you have this extra ball of rage inside you.

frustrating people come in lots of varieties. this is the number one type i always let into my life unwittingly. these people seem so fuckin awesome until i find out they are obsessed with drugs. 1- unattractive, 2-not very smart, 3-unreliable, 4- enraging.. this is how i feel about these people once i find out they do drugs. i consider weed and dip to be a drug so dont fucking think youre not one of these people.

the next type is the people who make you cry or hurt you when you're trying to sleep or are about to relax/sleep. these people think that 1 am is the perfect time to start a "conversation" that always escalates into a fight. they always cant understand why there is now a fight, and they blame it on you...

which leads me to THIS type: assholes who think its always your fault. they ignore you? its your fault bc you didnt say anything sooner? um.. im pretty sure ignoring is the fault of the ignorer. meaning if you havent asked me to hang out in like 3 months and im the only one whos doing the asking... then i finally give up... you blame me for giving up and think im the one whos being the ignorer! omg people please.

there are so many more types of frustrating people. the person who only calls you when they need a favor. the person who asks for advice, you give him/her the best advice ever and they ignore you in favor of the advice some dipshit retard gave them on aim.

id make a shitlist but i think it would be much shorter if i made a list of people who ARENT on my shitlist.

some facts about me

1- i am afraid of the dark

2-my parents don't know about my tattoo-shhh

3-i am a bathroom reader. bc i can't put a book down even to pee. it's an addiction.

4-when i was little i wanted to be in playboy even though there's never been a playboy mag in my house, far as i know

5- if leonardo was my romeo circa 1997 i would've killed myself too.

6-i like that boom boom pow.

we gotta let the love back in again

writer's block is just another way of god telling me to slow down and shut up. i think. but how can i slow down when everything is tumbling down in a tangle and most of it, i cant even discuss? so i cant get it out, and its just... swirling around in a winding path between my tummy and my head. and it hurts, and i have crazy baby butterflies flying around, and sharks and guppies in my belly and a fly in my head that just keeps on buzzing. i feel lost. i feel... gone. i feel like i'm falling. i feel like there's nothing i can do. its tumultuous. sometimes there is nothing to rely on. sometimes my feelings get the best of me. sometimes my body and my mind are in two completely different universes. i try to do the right thing, i do. but there is this push and pull- what is right for me may not be right for my parents or those i care about. and sometimes i lose sight of all that i can be.

I Know What Your Problem Is...

it's ok. i do. you're sad... and who can blame you? for me, this place is temporary. a way to earn some cash during my formative years; a way to start my life. for you, this is forever. you are turning into your mother. or, you went to school for something completely stupid, and now all you can do is manage this place. in the land of opportunity, you forsook true opportunity for this. and you loathe the place. thats ok... thats ok. but my dear sweet babies, karma will take care of you. karma will kick your ass for all of those times you made me cry, and for all the others you have hurt. karma will take care of you. so keep collecting that dharma, sweethearts. you just keep up.

dun dun dunnnnnn

many times when you ask a person what he or she regrets, they tell you " no regrets. i love my life." or some other crap of the sort. face it, you and you and even you have a regret or two. my biggest regrets all have to do with one place... Cortland. tbc

there is a beautiful song by the lovely Lisa Loeb, called "Sandalwood." the line that sticks out the most to me is "your skin smells lovely like sandalwood/your hair falls soft like animals." i keep picturing a sepia toned smattering of animals falling from ones shoulder, but i feel that what i have in my head cannot be replicated for a tattoo. in any case i think i'd like to tattoo this line on my body. it hits very close to me.

sandalwood lyrics:

she can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written,
'cause she's never been in love with you before.

your skin smells lovely like sandalwood.
your hair falls soft like animals.
i'm tryin' to keep cool, but everyone likes you.

i want to kiss the back of your neck,
the top of your spine where your hair hits,
and gnaw on your fingertips and fall asleep,
i'll talk you to sleep.

but i'll be the one, i will have chosen.

i'm tryin' to keep cool, but everyone here likes you
i'm not the only one.

your skin smells lovely like sandalwood.
your hair falls soft like animals,
and nothing else matters to me.

she can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written,
'cause she's never been in love with you before.

your hand,
so hot,
burns a hole in
my hand.
i wanted to show you.

the cortland diaries: 1

Love that you think your pearls are classy

You throwin’ up at 3 am and that is trashy

Telling me I’m crazy cause I want to keep my liver

But girl you have no respect for yourself

No sliver of humanity

And then there’s her with the million t-shirts

Obsessed with her hair and faking homework

Telling me I don’t belong cause I ain’t buying

The rules of the hall, and that’s a crime

Let’s go down to four three four

Where there lives a redhead and a whore

Latter cheats on her boyfriend every day

And thinks if no one tells him there is no pain

The pretty one with the red hair smiles

She’s kinda friendly, says ‘come chill for a while’

But she can’t be too good or else

Cause in the tip you can’t be yourself

Here we go to four three three where

The smiles are fake and the girls are petty

Roommates pretending to get along

Cant even agree on a favorite song

Telling everyone that they hate each other

Pretending it’s ok to be sweet to each other

Hating all that the other do

Complaining to me, well I don’t want to hear you

In four three two these girls are ok

But like to follow the crowd and what the crowd say

Life in the tip is hard to live, you gotta try to forget

And learn to forgive.

I watch this all

I watch this all

I watch this all

And I try not to fall

Not to fall

Not to fall

help me.

if i smoked, now would be a good time for a cigarette.

if i drank, i would be passed out on my bed. too much vodka and redbull.

i just want you to know you are amazing. you, you and you. and i am

playing with fire.

interestingg...

conversation between erin and joey

will edit later lol

enjoy

http://news.aol.com/article/van-gogh-ear/462572?icid=main|main|dl1|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fvan-gogh-ear%2F462572

1:08 AM

hmm. do you think he cut it off himself?

idk. i love history. i do. i think its like soooo cool

Auto-reply: text...

but some shit

should be left alone

like

why do they care if he cut his ear off or someone else did?

we have problems NOW

to be fixed

haha

if someone else cut if off. will it make a difference

not a bit

what about global warming?

or people

throwing away those plastic thingies that hold a six pack of coke togethe

r

without cutting them up?

the dolphins and fishies get stuck in them and die

what aboutttt the trees and the flowers and the people who are dying in africa

and the people who are dying in america

while paris hilton wears a skirt that doesnt even cover her fuckin vagina

what about the babies that are aborted bc teenagers screw up and screw

what about ..... agh

so much more

idc what jewelry king tut wore. its cool and all but its not going to help us now

and we need help now more than ever

pple try to avoid the obvious problems

and deal with tings tht really dont matter

i want to save the world

originality

ok. i love to be original. i love to be different. but think about this... when it comes to style, no one is completely organic. Gwen Stefani put it this way, "Everything I am is one big stolen good. Once you filter it through yourself, it becomes yours." I completely agree... everything we wear, its because we saw it somewhere or on somewhere, and we liked it. Like scarves, sunglasses, Twilight tshirts... someone else wore it, you saw it, you liked it. i'm extremely into DIY. i make a lot of clothing etc for myself. and a lot of it of course comes from my own head. but what i perceive as a completely unique idea is really a blend of things my brain took and made its own. do you think anyone is completely unique?

i like

to imagine i am in paris

to imagine i am in a secret garden

to imagine i am a mermaid

to imagine everything could be perfect

to imagine i am loved

to imagine i could be something more

to imagine you understand

to imagine something will change

i like to imagine.

next chapbook

ok thinking of a few ideas. any ideas from you all?

If I go crazy for you

What’s in it for me?

If I go crazy for you

Will I die die die?

If love is just a game

What’s my strategy?

Baby I can hold it down

But I can’t make myself believe

And it’s cold and lonely

Out there during the night

If I go crazy for you

Is it wrong or is it right?

working on ideas for chapbook # 2

here is a little something i have just written..

not yet finished...

We all know where you come from

Baby it was a week like any other

You were never so cool as that night

We all heard the stories

Yeah whispers travel like shooting

Heroin and stars ignite

Irises in the sun

We all thought all about you

Baby it was so damn unreal

You were never as strange as that time

We all heard the laughter

Echo like babies breath in June

And July flags with 13 stars

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history.do?action=Article&id=514

this day in history, women's rights :)

listening

just about finished my first poetry chapbook, listening. let me know if you want to read it :)

hope