so cold i can see my breath floating in front of my face, no gravity to hold it down, like my heart when i see your face interspersed with hers intermingled with his interlinked with yours again. so cold i can feel the arms of death wrap around me again, i am so tired i feel like i might die, i have never been so tired in my life as these past few weeks. but it's good, i need to be busy to keep from being sad.
you can tell where i'm at by the amount of harry potter i've been ingesting. when i binge on these movies and books, you know i am lonely. its a kind of loneliness i never asked for, but got used to. everyone hated me, i was alone. everyone thought i was weird. i craved that letter to hogwarts. i craved a dumbledore to show me the way. he never came.
as the years went on i learned that i am my only friend, the only one who can guard my secrets. and i have some terrible secrets. i have become so secretive, so shady, the only person who i feel i can tell most things to besides myself is Emily. i know i can trust her, i know she's meant to be my best friend. how else do you explain the fact that we want the same tattoos and shirts and books and movies? it goes much deeper than that. i would give any organ to this girl any day. she saves me from being lonely.

*to clarify, i don't make synonyms of 'alone' and 'lonely'. being alone is fine, in fact i like being alone. lonely is bad bad bad, and it feels like you have no heart. just an empty cavity.