Ii’m just going to ramble about my life/whats going on in my head right now and if you don’t like it then don’t read it. I don’t mean that rudely at all, I just mean if you don’t like it there isn’t any reason to keep reading and then treat me like shit because you didn’t like the things I said.

I got a new tattoo the other day, it is my second. It says “find your freedom in the music, find your jesus, find your cupid.” The lyrics are from ‘dance in the dark’ and they mean a lot to me because its about loving yourself and being yourself when people are trying their best to put you down. I am thinking of getting “in the religion of the insecure, I must be myself, respect my youth” either underneath or on the other side.

Well I got it on my ribs and it hurt so bad but in that satisfying way like when I used to hurt myself. I started thinking back to when it was really bad. One time I slammed my arm so hard against the metal banister… it left this huge bruise that hurt so bad. But it hurt so good. Pain that I’ve inflicted on myself has always felt so amazing. Isn’t that sick to say? Is it wrong? I know. But I don’t care. I do my best these days to stay away from harm that I myself can prevent. I don’t slam myself around, I don’t do much like that anymore. I slipped up a few weeks ago. I’m fine.

I’m getting fat though. And I hate it. Everyone makes fun of me for eating too much but I am constantly starving and i don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to eat less but that makes me hungrier and then I end up eating so much to make up for it and I feel like a fat piece of shit.

In my mind I am one person and to everyone on the outside I seem like someone completely different. Who am I to you? the snob? The know it all? goody two shoes? You don’t know me. So fuck off. There’s a tattoo. FUCK OFF right on my forehead.

I miss things. I miss lisa frank. I miss sticker collections. I miss everything and nothing at all. I miss having a girlfriend. There;s so much I’ve yet to do that I want to and time keeps swooping away. I barely know you but I want you.