don't look back in anger

" the winds of september fanned harvests of fire on the dry hills... feeding on chaparral and tract homes. the smell of the smoke always brought me back to my mother, to a rooftop under an untrustworthy moon. how beautiful she had been, how perfectly unhinged. it was my second season of fire without her. oleander time. i read that the jews celebrated their new year now, and i decided i too would calculate time from this season."

pg 167, white oleander, janet fitch.


it's late, or early depending on how you look at it. time is such a strange thing. it passes by so fast when you want it to last and when you need it to run, it slows down and takes deep breaths and long gulps of water and stretches until you can't take it anymore. time with loved ones is scarce, time at work and school and with homework is plentiful. people think its so easy to be a student who works, and that because we're young we should be able to do more. i think people who judge based on age aren't very smart at all. that's just my opinion. i've always made friends with the teachers. i've always been an old woman at heart.
this semester is going to be grueling. the commute, the teachers who think they are the only teacher who matters and so they assign enough work for 3 classes. running to work for 8 hour shifts. it will all be worth it one day when i have the paperwork that says i succeeded. it will be worth it when i have a home, a partner, a business, a life. maybe one day i can enjoy fall, my favorite season, to the fullest. i could take my daughter apple picking and we could make cider for thanksgiving. i could take my son to the woods behind our home to get firewood for the fire place. but for now, i work my ass off along with everybody else. and i learn to love it.
and i do love it. because the commute gives me time to listen to music. and some of the homework is interesting, even if it is way too much. and work gives me money to use on the off chance i have time to go out with my friends, or to save for my future [or, lets face it... to buy books at barnes and noble and nonsense shit at target]. and i get to take a yoga class the first half of the semester. what could be better than that?
i love the fall weather that's starting to creep in. i love being texted to see where on campus i am. i love iced coffee and a sweater on a chilly day, and the fall sun. i love it.

400th post

it's september, and school just started and as much as i wanted- needed- the semester to start, i feel like it crept up on me and slapped me across the face. it's still hot as hell outside and i honestly can't wait for the fall weather to sneak in and cool me down. 

the past few day's i've been running around so much between work and school that i've barely even thought about things i could write, let alone blogged/wrote in a journal/ added to my story. this is something i hope to remedy when i get a groove going.

i'm one of those people who gets excited by new clothes and pencils, new school supplies and the jitters of another school year starting. but i spent an arm and a leg on textbooks, and i haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in months. i probably won't for another few months. but that's the way of a 20 year old. always moving, always running from work to school and out with friends, and in my case home to watch my brothers and help out the family even when i don't really feel like it. 

there's a lot of homework coming up.

and concerts.

and taking notes.

2 years ago this day i was feeling the sensation that something just wasn't right.

today i know that i can make it all right.

i read the most recent wicked lovely book, radiant shadows, this week. melissa marr is such a wonderful writer who uses fairy lore to weave such magical stories. i love reading the wicked lovely series, and i'm so sad that it only has one book left. i can't believe i almost didn't read this books. although, this one definitely wasn't my favorite. i think in order my favorites are: ink exchange, wicked lovely, radiant shadows, fragile eternity. i really enjoyed the addition of rae, as well as the dive deeper into devlin's character and more of the mystery around bananach and sorcha was revealed.

i started sloane crosley's how did you get this number? and i like it so far. it's more essays in the vein of i was told there'd be cake. sometimes she goes on too long but i think she has an interesting point of view and i like to see into her mind.

i've given up on capital letters. i've given up on trying to be ready for school because it's not going to hit me until the night before when i can't fall asleep, and the morning of when my alarm goes off and i have to get ready and meet the bus. it won't hit me until the homework starts and i'm running from school to work to bed and trying to do my work and read and have a life and get all a's and b's.
a junior in college [sort of.] a second year sophomore. a junimore if you please.

at least i will have emily with me at ncc, for at least the fall. i can;t believe how long this summer was and i'm actually grateful for it to end. so bring on the smell of new textbooks and teachers to love and hate and a new planner and long sleeved shirts.