the people i once knew became strangers. i wish you were an album i could reach for any time, listen and still remember your words. or at least your melody. you are everything i want to be but never could be. because you have something in you that i don't. some sort of drive or passion that i am always chasing. you have impeccable style, you have gorgeous hair. your skin is the color of very light coffee and your tattoo is just like you... an understated beauty.

now i know someone who reminds me of you and i wonder if she and i will ever become friends. but so many things hold me back. i don't and can't regret who i was but there needs to be a big change in who i am. it's time that i face my anxieties head on. it's time that i focus on making myself happy and not anyone else. it's time to do all of the things i've been too chicken shit to do. and it's time to stop getting angry. every day, i'm angry. i hate my body, i hate myself, i hate so many people and things and thats sad. i can only love from afar- people i don't know, things i don't have. i appreciate what i have until i see what he has or she has and i wish i had that.

im just not confident in myself. i don't think i am good enough for anyone or anything. and i hate it. i hate that my anxiety has driven me to make choices that i wish i didn't make. it has made my life 10x harder and no one gets it. the worst is even my best friends don't really pay attention when i try to tell them how depressed/anxious/fucked up i am because i am so good at hiding it that it seems like i am exaggerating when i talk about it. well, i'm not. its debilitating. and while you sit there telling me you understand, well you don't. you really really fucking don't.