winter fell down on my head and landed with a soft thud
snow in my hair and icicles on my lashes forming
with me, i was born to enjoy the cold the frigid
it always snowed on my birthdays and no one could come to my party
so i'd cry if i want to, cry if i want to

life was never so golden as in the fall
the leaves took me with them in their dance
i fell into the piles and stared at the sky for hours
there is no more fall
the earth is sleeping again

summer took me into its arms and the smell of
chlorine always intoxicated me, i was high
off of life, the first time i got high it was summer
and i liked it. graduation parties, pool parties,
everyone is so cool in the summer but no one
called me. so i sat in my house and read

the book of spring is the book of love
don't you fall in love every spring when the cherry blossoms
pepper your driveways in pink and the trees wake up
teenagers, new again, dreams, cotton candy
it's all in the spring

you would cry too, if it happened to you.

so cold i can see my breath floating in front of my face, no gravity to hold it down, like my heart when i see your face interspersed with hers intermingled with his interlinked with yours again. so cold i can feel the arms of death wrap around me again, i am so tired i feel like i might die, i have never been so tired in my life as these past few weeks. but it's good, i need to be busy to keep from being sad.
you can tell where i'm at by the amount of harry potter i've been ingesting. when i binge on these movies and books, you know i am lonely. its a kind of loneliness i never asked for, but got used to. everyone hated me, i was alone. everyone thought i was weird. i craved that letter to hogwarts. i craved a dumbledore to show me the way. he never came.
as the years went on i learned that i am my only friend, the only one who can guard my secrets. and i have some terrible secrets. i have become so secretive, so shady, the only person who i feel i can tell most things to besides myself is Emily. i know i can trust her, i know she's meant to be my best friend. how else do you explain the fact that we want the same tattoos and shirts and books and movies? it goes much deeper than that. i would give any organ to this girl any day. she saves me from being lonely.

*to clarify, i don't make synonyms of 'alone' and 'lonely'. being alone is fine, in fact i like being alone. lonely is bad bad bad, and it feels like you have no heart. just an empty cavity.