i always think of amazing things to write about
then i sit down and the words won't flow out
feel like i always have to prove to people that i can write
but what good is it, half baked idea don't come out tight

and i'm sick of this thing we all call writer's block
they say work right through it but that's just a crock
'cuz how can i write through the blank space in my mind?
so many ideas, so little time, and i get a shortage
not enough money to pay the mortgage for this desk
and this mac and these keys and these notebooks
a struggling girl, that's not good looks

i have books filled with ideas but they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth
i go to another blog and see that SHE just wrote what i was thinking about
i don't want to be a copy, carbon or loose i just want to see the people in suits
going over my work, telling me they love me, wanna send my book to Borders,
yeah that would be lovely.

and other times the stories just flow right out, quicker than i have time to think
what's this really about? hidden metaphors even i don't see first time around
get my head out of the clouds, it's crunch time now
or never, get this story out onto the paper, make some edits and ask for some favors
can you look over my work? can you tell me you love it so i don't feel like a jerk
sending it out to contests and sometimes i win, never won the big prize but maybe it's
just a matter of time, one day i'll see my name in lights, headlining a poetry show

man i don't know... but it could happen! i could perform with michelle tea in manhattan
and you'd come to my show with your boys and stay for the whole performance
and i could go home with you and see your performance, you know what i mean
young romance, it basically grows on trees, make like Aoide and touch me

i have to say that although i complain i've been blessed with a gift that i'd never give up even when it's a curse, when the pain is worse than any physical cut, i know that it will heal, for this gift is real, never mind the appeal, its something you're born with but you gotta work on it too, now i'ma go work on it, bye boo.

thursday wursday

remember how i had to put down my copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire to read some other novels? well, i finished "Best Friends Forever" [not my favorite JW novel, but pretty good], and "Heart of the Matter," and then went back to it. and i am so glad that i did. the end was so action packed, i got to see what happened to Salander, and learned some shocking secrets. I learned who her father is, why she is considered "special needs," etc. i suggest that you read this if you have read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!

i'm currently reading the third, and sadly last, book in the Millenium Series, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. my 9 year old brother says the title is "stupid." but if you could look past his disparaging review [and judgement of a book by its cover!], i think it would be a worthy read. i'm so sad that this is the last book. I believe Stieg Larsson intended to put out ten novels in the Millenium Series. i sincerely hope that this book doesn't end in a cliff hanger. i can't decide if i'd like that or not. it would remind me of My So Called life. do they or don't they?

the world may never know.

cassie's therapy video, august =]

thank you for allowing me to do this, erimentha =]

Abracadabra, Wow!
I like boys with long eyelashes and girls with good taste in books
I like watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist over and over, almost as much as i enjoy reading the book
I like chocolate italian ice
I like feeling connected to people on a molecular level
I like kissing. a lot.
I like when someone takes a picture of me and it comes out looking nice.
I like feeling thin.
I like making collages
I like seeing good things come out of bad situations
I like fantasy novels
I like laying on the ground in the park, day dreaming with you under the night sky.
I like starbucks!
I love curling up in my sweatpants
Today I downloaded some new music.
In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate when people don't like the same music as me =X
I hate when i feel sweaty and can't shower
I hate when i read a poem i just don't understand
I hate when i can't get into a book i've been wanting to read
I hate when people SAY they are coming to book club, and then don't. 
I hate spending too much money, but in a way, i know that i've developed good saving habits.
I hate people who lie
I hate when I lie.


I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.

the dream catcher

                   "You have a beautiful home," Olivia said. "I love the dream catcher, what's the story behind it?"

                   Maria picked at a cookie, pensively breaking the green away from the hot pink.  She paused dramatically, and the air was thick with a juicy story.  Then, she parted her red lips and told a tale that seemed as if it had been written down and read aloud.

            “Well, a very long time ago, my great, great grandfather moved from Mexico to Upstate New York to start a new life. But he could not leave his old life behind- every night he was plagued by nightmares… very brutal nightmares. He’d wake up screaming, sweating, scaring the neighbors and animals. One day, a few weeks after he moved, there was a knock on his cabin door. Lonely, and bored from being without work, he answered, not knowing what to expect. The girl that stood before him was young and sensual. She had deep brown eyes, and her skin was the color of dark chocolate. Her lips were heart shaped and reminded him of strawberries. He was absolutely mesmerized. She beckoned him toward the woods without a word, and he followed. Whenever he tried to speak, she shushed him. Finally, after almost an hour, she led him to a clearing in the jungle-green forest. They sat on tree stumps, and then she said:

‘I hear tell of screams in the night

Is it just nightmares, or violent delights?

They last from dusk till morning light…

I have wondered, dear sir, are you alright?’

            Startled at both her serene voice and her use of rhyme, he took a moment to gather himself. “Why, yes. I’m sort of embarrassed you heard me. I am gripped by dark, depressing dreams; I am at my wit’s end.” He proceeded to tell her the nightmares in detail, though he did not know why, he trusted her deeply and wholly. The rays of the sun slowly blurred into a silvery moon. It seemed that time had flown away like a bluebird.  Before he left, she -who he had learned was called Sienne, and was the Indian chief’s daughter- turned to him, and produced a feathered, beaded object from her deerskin bag.

“Here,” she said, “Hang it over your bed.

These dark, macabre mysteries will soon fly out of your head

And only through good dreams will you tread.

No longer will sleeping be something you dread.”

            He nodded and watched her disappear into the trees, the cryptic, voluptuous, Indian woman who had captured his heart and given him a gift in return: The Dream Catcher. From that night on, he dreamt delightful little stories of sunflowers and world peace, music and hummingbirds, coy fish and love. He promised himself he would marry her if he ever met her again, assuming she loved him too. But he never did see her. He married my great, great grandmother three years later. “

37 days

37 days of freedom before school starts. 37 days to save to buy books, supplies, and clothes. 37 days to stay up late. 37 days to enjoy. 37 days to swim in the pool and lay around with less responsibility than usual. 37 days to go to the library at my leisure.


less than 37 days to see my friends who are going away to school. less than 37 days to get back to a good sleeping pattern.

i cant believe summer is coming to an end. although we still have 37 days which is a lot, we oNLY have 37 days which is not a lot.

does anyone have any last minute summer plans?

living simple makes loving simple

i found this on my favorite blog. >>by the way sam, loving the new purple layout :)




below this picture, samantha asked what this picture means to her readers. i usually would comment, or not say anything at all and just think about it, but it's sunday morning, i'm in a thoughtful mood, and want to get started on some writing. to me, being happy came about after a LOT of hard work. but when it finally happened, i realized i was happy because i didn't define who i was based on what i own. i didn't base it on keeping up with the joneses. instead, i based it on what my soul needs. my soul needs books. my soul needs a notebook and a pen. my soul needs to know that if i wanted to, i could move to paris tomorrow and leave most of my belongings behind here at home. i used to think that i'd have to mail every last item overseas. but then i realized. this is all just "stuff." it may mean something to me, but at the end of the day, most of it is not benefitting my heart or my soul. it's just stuff, and i can acquire new stuff anywhere i go. 
and this led me to see that:
in my love life, i became much happier when i realized that i was comparing my relationship to others- "yeah, he hits her, but he buys her flowers regularly..." "they may be fighting every time they do so, but they call each other every night." i was comparing my relationship to every other relationship i had ever known in my life. i wasn't seeing that what we have is already wonderful, and that my being depressed was really taking a toll on everything. once i learned to live simpler and happier, i learned to love as thus. 
when you are someone that focuses so much on material items, you are not simple. but simple isn't stupid. simple is knowing what you want, knowing what you love, and honoring yourself. 


i shudder to think where i'd be today if i never evaluated my life and myself. this picture made me smile. thanks sam.

heart of the matter- emily giffin

"In the popular Giffin's latest, Nick Russo is a pediatric plastic surgeon; his wife, Tessa (sister of Dex, from Something Borrowed), is a professor turned stay-at-home mom living a cushy life in Boston. Nick is called in to care for a six-year-old burn victim, and Nick's devotion to his work is soon tangled up in his attraction to the boy's mother, Valerie, a single attorney. Narrated in turn by Tessa and Valerie, the action centers around—will they or won't they, and, if they do, will Tessa forgive him? While unclear what Nick finds so unsatisfying in his marriage, adultery is always tempting and Tessa and Valerie both have their charms. Longtime fans will enjoy the cameos, but for the best of Giffin, don't miss her earlier works"- amazon.com


i read, like, a LOT. like a lot. people who don't know my name refer to me as the girl who always is carrying a different book. i read fantasy, fiction, non fiction, poetry, ya novels, novels in verse... the list goes on and on. i love male authors and female authors, i can't pick a favorite. but sometimes, just sometimes... i start to feel like i'm "too good" for chick lit. and i start justifying why i'm reading a chick lit book. oh, its not really chick lit, blah blah blah.


but you know what? what is wrong with chick lit? nothing. nothing at all. not only are many chick lit books an emotional journey, they have a lot to offer. the characters are like the best friends you've never had. you start to identify with them. and many of the chick lit authors [such as jennifer weiner, or emily giffin], really, REALLY can write.


i read devoured emily giffin's Heart of the Matter in 2 days. it was heartfelt, and i loved her subtleness in how she brought Dex and Rachel back from Something borrowed/Something Blue [if you haven't read these, go to your local library.... nOW =)]. i loved BOTH tessa and valerie. i felt sympathetic towards each woman, and wanted them both to wind up with nick, as weird as that sounds. i really fell for charlie, valerie's son. i definitely plan on reading giffin's other two novels, Baby Proof and Love the One You're With.

on age and respect

When most people get to know me truly, they view me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. but when it comes to looks [i guess] and the sound of my voice, no body takes me seriously. to me, i look just how i should. i have an adult body, although i am only 5'3". i speak with intellect, yet apparently i sound like someone 5 or more years my junior [i'm 20, 21 in february...]. ever since i hit my teens, "adults" [as in parents, my parents friends, etc] have assumed that i am much younger than i am.

take this for example: i have a 14 year old sister. when i was getting ready to go to college [ i was 18 and she was 12], and was shopping at linens and things with my parents and younger brothers, my sister stayed home. so when my mom ran into her friend at the store, her friend leans down to me as if i'm 4 years old [lady, you werent that tall yourself] and said, "oh, its soooo sweet of you to be shopping for your older sister while she is at work!!! thats so great. are you sad she's going away?"  excuse me? I was the one going away, i was the college student. and she thought i was my younger sister? since when does hight mean anything? does anyone look at an old woman and her teenage grandson and surmise that he must be older because he is 6'2" and she has shrunk to 4'9"? i doubt that.

recently, i went into spencer's gifts with my boyfriend, and they asked me to leave because "we only allow patrons 18+ here." she did not ask how old i was, she did not ask to see id. she simply assumed that i was under 18, and basically kicked me out. i should have fought back, but i was so taken aback that i mumbled something and left.

my mom and her friends try to pull shit and say "oh well most women MY age would LOVE to be thought of as younger..." etc.
well i am not THEIR age. i am 20, and i'm at a point in my life where i want to be taken seriously. i have serious ambition, and a serious mind/heart. i cannot stand that people judge me as if i were years younger than i am. please, look at me as a human being, and if you are unsure about my [or anybody's age] please ask them politely or refrain from all comments about age. it's really frustrating. maybe when i am 40 i will long for people to tell me i look like i'm 25. but for now, i just want you to respect me. it's all i'm asking.

tuesday wuesday

had to put down my copy of "the girl who played with fire." i'm enjoying it, and not at the same time. andrea gave me the perfect way to explain it. you know how in The Deathly Hallows there was a lot of... erm, camping? and to me, at least, that was frustrating. because it was boring. and i wanted the good part. and reading the girl who played with fire goes like this: good stuff, lottttsssssss of camping, good stuff, mooooooore camping, alittlebitofgoodstuff, camping. and i should have finished it ages ago, i just cant get through it. so me and the book are taking a break from eachother, and i went  to the library today and picked up:

heart of the matter by emily giffin
best friends forever by jennifer weiner.
i've read every single book she's had published, so i am excited to read this [fly away home has a huge waiting list at the library, and i am literally the 152nd person in line for it!]
ariel  by sylvia plath
stephen king's 'on writing'... i liked maeve binchy's writers guide even though i usually dont like to be told how to write. but maybe king can also give me some insight.

and lastly, for research for my dream catcher story,
every day life among the american indians by candy moulton

impossible love, by me

inspired by lady gaga's "future love" and by my crazy heart that falls in love with everyone i know just a little bit.

When I met you, you smiled

Told me stick around for a while

You were just being polite

But my heart misunderstood

Or we dated for a while

I told you to hit the road

Many times, long ago-o-o

Now I’m with the love of my life

But I can’t help being disappointed

When you find love too

We have an impossible love

I made it up in my head

I dream of your love

When we’ve both moved on

To all the loves that never were

Fully coming to fruition

I miss you

What I’d give just to kiss you

One more time

When I saw you last weekend

Oh you barely looked at me

Oh you brought me to my knees

So sexy so sweet

How could I have let you go

Away from me?

Now I’m with the love of my life

But I can’t help feeling gypped

When you’re getting matching tattoos

With her and not me

Baby I’ve been around the block

What we almost had, it was a lot

Now we are back to square one

I don’t even know you

We have an impossible love

I’m making  it up in my head

I dream of your love

When we’ve both moved on

To all the loves that never were

Fully coming to fruition

I miss you

What I’d give just to kiss you

One more time

the cortland diaries: 4

when i went for my cortland orientation, i was really nervous. name games, crowds of new people, etc.. are not really my thing. my orientation roommate was thin and gorgeous in an italian model way, and although she was extremely sweet, and we did talk a bit, we weren't exactly destined to be friends. she spent most of her night after the days activities in the hallway with virtually everybody else in our building, talking and flirting and screeching into the night. i am one of those people who was not exactly tailor made to be a college student- not only is it almost impossible for me to stay up all night [except for when i desperately want sleep...], i can't function on no sleep and coffee like a lot of people can. i can't manage.

on the first day of activities, i met Maeve. she was a local girl who lived in cortland, and so for her, the school was a day school. she was petite and blonde, and we hit it off right away, and talked about everything. later that night we played cards in her room [everyone stayed in a dorm during orientation, even if you weren't planning to have a dorm when you attended]. we exchanged numbers, and planned to breakfast together in the morning with our parents. for the second day of orientation we hung out once more. it felt nice knowing i had someone for when i came back a month later.

and i did... when i first got to my dorm room, before i even started unpacking, Maeve and i went to get food, and talk a bit. for a while, we were great friends, we texted, we occasionally went out for lunch or dinner, she dyed my hair and introduced me to her parents, who told me to come by anytime. 

i also met her boyfriend, who she was getting pretty serious with at the time. they were looking for a house to move into together; he was a few years older than her but she was much more mature than most 18 year olds. one day, as we were making plans to go applepicking in november, he burst out " i think you're in love with my girlfriend."

in love? no. maeve was beautiful and interesting but i was never into her that way. and i say that with confidence. i was lonely, i was hurting; cortland was one of the most depressing times of my life [more on that another time]. i needed a friend, and maeve was there for me.

i didn't see or hear from her for about a month after. we never went applepicking, we never made the pumpkin pie we said we'd make, and i hadn't been back to her house.

she stopped me in the hallway after psych and said hello, as if nothing had happened. we chatted awkwardly for a moment and then i went to my dorm room. she never answered a text from me again. a few months ago, she finally joined facebook. from her pictures, it looks like she has a new boyfriend though i can't be sure. it's hard to remember most things about cortland most of the time. i did try to ask her what happened- no response.

i'm not sure what i did, or said, or if he said anything to her about me that made her not want to be friends. i guess i'll never know.

anyway i was thinking about this story this morning, because one of my best friends who i've known for years hasn't been responding to any of my messages or texts. i dont know if i did something or said something, i just want to make it better. she means the world to me and is one of the only people i can talk to about certain things. i'm going to a concert with her on the 6th. i hope that before then we can talk and i can make up for whatever i may have done. if you see this, i have something for you. it's a cd of songs by Coeur de Pirate, a french girl who makes beautiful french music. i know you of all people would appreciate it.

journaling

journaling awakens the soul. keep one, i dare you. write what happened today, what inspires you, draw pictures, do something to document your heart...


i notice that whenever i stop journaling, details fall to the wayside. but when i write in my notebooks i feel like the little things matter, and that i am really getting to know myself.

you want me

you want me to be the same
you want me to catch the plague
you want me to close my eyes
you want me to sit down and take it

you want me to fight your wars
you want me to shut my mouth
you want me to listen to you
but i don't want to hear it

you want me to be afraid
you want me to like what you like
you want me to be perfect
but why can't you just want me as i am?

do you want me
or do you want a version of me that
you've invented in your nonsensical teeny tiny mind

do you want me
or do you want someone who is a carbon copy, a generic brand of coffee, a girl who never reads, isn't interested in things besides hair and clothes and make-up, cooking, cleaning, and lying face up or down to take it from you i'm not a man and i understand i can either fight on your side or for myself and i promise i will come out on top but not on top of you

if you want me-
a wild card, a fantasy, poetry mixed with tragedy
all the traits that encompass the real me-
my answer is maybe.

Margot and the Nuclear So-and-So's

are amazing.

i've listened to "the dust of reatreat" and "not animal". i know i should have listened to "animal" first but i couldnt get a hold on that until this morning. i really love their sound, i am not usually into male singers but i love the singer's voice. the lyrics are superb, the music is psychedelic and relaxing at the same time. it makes me want to lay in a grass field at sunset in a dress holding hands with a hipster boy.

in other music news, a true/slant writer claims that janelle monae is more talented than lady gaga. i do not listen to JM nor do i know much about her, but i do know that i made the unfortunate mistake of going to the no doubt/paramore 2009 concert a little too early and caught her as the opening act. she came on stage in a strange outfit, proclaimed she was an alien, and screeched into the mic in an earsplitting matter. perhaps this writer has heard her music videos/recordings but not seen her live? all i can say is, the wonderful and strange thing about humans is that we all have different tastes. in music, in movies, in foods, in drinks, in clothing, in EVERYTHING. so for every gaga lover like me, there are many gaga haters. and for every person that shops at american apparel, there are 5 that shop exclusively at hollister. some prefer vanilla, some chocolate, and some dont like either. so i dont think that we can "prove" one artist is better than another, it is all opinion.

have a musical day! and check out M&TNSAS

the next few weeks are going to be awesome!!

i get to go to my aunt's house for a few days, see paramore/tegan and sara, and see john mayer and maroon 5!! also if i'm off of work i will get to go to a Nothing to Lose show with natalie. soo this summer is pretty rockin'. life is good :)

sleepyhead by passion pit

And you said
It was like fire around the brim
Burning solid
Burning thin the burning rim
Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes
You were one inch from the edge of this bed
I drag you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead

They couldn't think of something to say the day you burst
With all their lions and all their might and all their thirst
They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin 
Against the walls against your rules against your skin
My beard grew down to the floor and out through the doors
Of your eyes but go in disguise like a sleepyhead, sleepyhead




passion pit's sleepyhead=pure poetry.

i would

jessdeo  

  

Why are you so fucking [stupid]


kil1thewaitress  

  

someone is making juice-ica angry


emilyemilyxcore 

  

Erins right we need to save the city of townsville from the forces of evil.


kil1thewaitress  

  

@emilyemilyxcore some one has a little too much chemical x in her juice box! and her name is juice-ica code c. [@jessdeo ily forgive me]


jessdeo  

  

@kil1thewaitress @emilyemilyxcore hahaaa I love you guys.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





here

if i lived in california, i would be able to go to Audrey's sale. i would be able to meet sarah morrison for lunch. i would be able to attend a writing workshop given by Francesca Lia Block. i would learn to surf and have a tan. i would visit anaheim to see la former residence of gwendolyn stefani. i would listen to the beach boys more. i would read all day out in the sun, and write all day by the moon.
i would. i would. i would. i would.

lion in a coma

today i was thinking...

i complain about work, but at least i have a job.
and i complain about other things too but i have a home, and a family, and amazing friends, and someone who loves me, and i read and listen to music and feel happy and when i'm sad it doesn't last a million days in a row lately, and i don't have to drink my problems away, and i have so much more to be happy/grateful for than i do to be sad for.

i have as many problems as the next guy, but at least i can work through them on my own, or with a little help from the people i love.

listening to: animal collective
reading: just finished the july issue of elle, about to start The Girl who Played with Fire by stieg larsson
feeling: sweaty
thinking about: my new idea to raise money for charity[ies]
hope your weekend went well!

Nourishment is a vicious thing

Our bodies crave the things we need

We fill our cavities with trash

And then we burn, and then we crash

Our hearts need to be nourished too

Wine and weed and novels too

Just forget me

Just forget me

a letter to glamour magazine that i'm not sending because i'm just pmsing and i don't want them to hate me

Dear Glamour Magazine,

            Several weeks ago, I re-subscribed to your magazine. I chose the “bill me later option.” [by the way, might I add, that the pop-ups on your website, and the fact that many links eventually lead on to a page where consumers are begged to subscribe, are truly annoying, and that is how I ended up re-subscribing in the first place.] A few weeks later, I received a notice in the mail saying that apparently, you had sent multiple bills and I had refused to pay. Well, I do believe that you sent a bill before that, but I did not receive it. When I had finally received notice in the mail, I logged onto my computer and paid it. This was July first, 2010. Perhaps everything moved more slowly because of the holiday weekend, but today, July 9^th, I received YET ANOTHER notice telling me to pay. I HAVE PAYED YOU. this has been very annoying, and very discouraging, and if this is the way you torture people, I’m not sure how you have very many subscribers at all. Sadly, all of the best, underrated magazines have floundered and flopped while yours manages to stay afloat.  At this point, all 12 issues of this magazine better be the best 12 issues I’ve ever read in my life, because I really don’t even want it anymore.

the girl with the dragon tattoo

at first i was skeptical of Stieg Larsson's Millenium Trilogy. i was like "best seller? so what? it cant be that amazing. it looks dumb."
then... "ok i'll put it on the reading list, mayyyyybe i'll get to it. eventually."
then..."hmm..."
and then my girl less suggested it for book club and here we go, i was borrowing the book from a friends mom and... all i can say is wow.

Larsson has written an intense, disturbing, sexual, crazy ass motherfucker of a book. and it was so. fucking. good. the first chapter was ehh. so i skipped it. the second chapter until about page 200, i was thinking it was an ok read. by page 300, i was hooked.

i love larsson's obvious feminist outlook. i love his character of lisbeth salander. i love the twists, and the references, and almost EVERYTHING about this book was just captivating. i will be recommending this to everyone and anyone who asks me what book i think they should read next. i think everyone should read this marvelous piece of lit. even at its most disturbing moment, i could not look away.

i will be getting my hands on a copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire very soon... it is so sad that he only got to publish/finish 3 books out of the supposed ten he meant to write in this series. when he died, the literature world lost a great author. especially one with compassion for the human spirit, and a gift for mystery.

next up, i'll be reading "Cum Laude" by Cecily von Ziegesar

i'm flabbergasted.

a few weeks ago, i stumbled upon an article on aol, declaring that not wearing makeup to work on mondays was some kind of strange phenomena. it went on to say basically that its very brave to not wear makeup and that its sooo awesome that jane doe or whatever her name is that they interviewed for the article, is basically kickstarting a freaking revolution by not wearing makeup. honestly, i have two words for you aol, "fuck you." i know many, many women including myself, my friends, teachers, fellow classmates, etc, who DONT wear makeup every day. dont get me wrong. i LOVE makeup, and i have a lot of it. but i dont have to wear it. in fact, i'd say i wear it once a month. because either i forget to put it on or dont have time. and i dont feel less of a woman for that. i have ugly days, and pretty days, but neither of those depend on whats on my face.

ive seen so many girls crying over problems with zits. its a cycle, girls. puberty= zits. then you put on 4 pounds of maybelline foundation every day to cover said zits. then, the makeup suffocates your face, and you get MORE zits. now you have a different color face and neck, and you have bumps all over your face, and your eyeliner is smudged to your chin. WOW WHO'S A LADY NOW.

BUT here is the point... tonight i was on aol.com again [huge fucking mistake that i keep making. silly me.] and here is a quote from this article about taylor momsen that aol led me to.

"And she's been seen drinking, making out with another girl and partying the night away."

ok. taylor momsen is 16. she's in a band, the pretty reckless. she writes her own music, rebels against fashion norms, and she's basically your average teenager, if the average teenager were given a starring role on one of the cw's hottest dramas, and millions of dollars. should she be drinking? no. partying the night away? no. but that's what a lot of kids her age do. just because i didnt, or you didnt, doesnt mean no one did. and for all the parents that complain about this shit, and then say in the same breath "i was sixteen once!!" NO YOU CLEARLY WERENT. because you seem to think EXPRESSING YOURSELF and DOING THINGS THAT NORMAL KIDS DO is a crime.

but here's the part that reallllly got me. apparently, momsen was seen making out with a girl. wait, what? a girl?! oh my god stop the press this girl needs help. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. AND FUCK YOU.
now do i think taylor is a lesbian/bisexual/whatever? no, but i dont know her personally. and maybe she was kissing her for attention, or kissing her because she felt like it, or kissing her because she likes her. but the point is, it doesnt matter. what matters is that in 2010, people shouldnt be considering homoerotic kissing to be offensive. LIVE AND LET LIVE.

honestly, is this what we want to teach our kids?
HATE. HATE HATE HATE. hate people who kiss people of the same sex. bad girl, taylor momsen. the fact that gets me the most is parents are always saying that kids do the opposite of what they're told. and there are so many parents saying "dont kiss [insert same sex here]s. don't participate in "gay" behavior."

i just really cant stand the fact that this is listed as one of her offenses. get a life. seriously. the people that work for aol, and pop eater, etc, are serious journalists? find something actually newsworthy to write about and let taylor and all the other celebs live their own lives.

we've become way too obsessed with celebrity culture.


are your eyes burning?

dog days are over

i used to have nightmares, every single night. for months straight.
i'd wake up every night at a crazy hour, crying, whimpering, or yelling.
so i decided to transfer that into a novel. which became a short story. which is growing into a novel.
but now the nightmares are gone. and i only remember clips of them, like a movie i know i saw long ago but can't quite recall.

so i'm sitting here listening to the florence and the machine album, which is the unofficial soundtrack for my story. and wishing my local library had a larger selection of books on the history of native americans. anyone know of a good NA history book i should read? i am taking a class on their history next semester but i dont want to wait that long.

books books books!

p.s-

a year ago when i worked at friendly's, i was an asshole and i spent ALL of my money on books and food. the food, i obviously ate. the books, well.... half of them are still on my shelves because i have been on a library binge [which is what i SHOULD have been doing the whole time]

so except for the few books that i have already requested from the library, i will try to only read all of these.

and when i'm done i'll donate or give away the ones i dont *need* to keep.

also not shown is a huge pile of marilyn monroe books, not all read, that i've been meaning to tackle. 

i have my work cut out for me!

pss- "what is a jew?" is a book about judaism because i am extremely interested in the different religions around the world, especially judaism. its nothing mean.

any suggestions for which of these books i should read after i finish The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?

freaky deaky

7/2/10


it's freaky that my friends and i are at the age where we




-are/are almost at drinking age. no more fake id's for you guys!
-will be getting "real" "careers" in the next few years
-may even be thinking of marriage or kids someday soon
-worry about things like money, and car insurance, and bills, etc.


i know i personally am saving for my future, working on my first book [first as in hopefully first of many], and have started reading Oprah magazine. i also picked out coasters. [at urban outfitters, of course.]


and i have pulled my very first carrie bradshaw... after crying this morning over money woes i bought a betsy johnson purse at nordstorm. it was only 98$ though. at least it wasn't anything i'd practically have to take a loan out for!!