goodnight moon

i just read the blog of a really interesting girl... she's my age and she has all she could ever want. she has her own house, multiple artistic jobs that she loves, etc. she's a student, she works hard, she sounds like she has it all together.

that;s what i want. i want a regular job, yeah. but i want a paid blogging job. i applied for one yesterday but when i had to attach a writing sample the site said there was an error. i emailed the address it gave me for questions/problems/concerns, but of course they never got back. theres no phone number. so because their computer can't read my file, i'm out of a job before they even realize i tried. but i want this so bad. i need to start somewhere. it's very hard to get a volume of poetry published when you haven't really been published elsewhere. no publisher gives much of a fuck if i was published on teenink.com, or a teen anthology i dont even know the name of. i can tell them, and i will, but that won't mean a thing.

i am thinking of just making little chapbooks and distributing them on my own for free. then maybe one day doing a bit of an open mic night at my house, in the summer when its warm. that would be lovely. another plan of mine is still to read up all the marilyn material i can and try to come up with a fresh, new biography on her that tells the real truth. if there even is one.

i even thought of a little project to do when i'm bored, which is writing the pilot for a tv show that plays in my head sometimes. heavily influenced by MYSOCALLEDLIFE. there's definitely a void in television that needs to be filled with something like that show again. it still drives me nuts that clare danes was only 13.

right now i'm sitting on my bed surrounded by library things:

-season one of 30 rock (last disc... i requested the 2nd season bc its so funny)

-2 robyn cds

- the delivery man by joe mcginnis jr

-let it snow by: john green, lauren myracle, and maureen johnson. 3 awesome authors <3

-kissing doorknobs- terry spencer hesser

-free stallion:poems by amber tamblyn

-vanity fair, december 2009, ft. rob pattinson (i think there is something on kristen stewart in there so thats why i have that)

-evidence of angels by suza scalora and FLB

-the secret life of prince charming by: deb caletti

-change of heart: jodi picoult

-almost perfect: brian katcher

i'm wearing dan's pj pants and shirt, drunk on tiredness, ready to fall asleep. tomorrow is going to be a great day. i'm going to the city with jody and to see my grandma, then to babysit and make some well needed cash. i need to find a job soon, man. i'm tired of applying.

if i was a flower growing wild and free all i'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee <3