tonight was a bad night, and my plans got ruined... and i have a bad headache... and i'm all alone and i hate being alone in my house.

SO. i'm going to talk about what's been good lately to cheer me up :)

-i finally got weeds season 5 from the library
-i started "the girl with the dragon tattoo" for my book club
-i've been getting decent hours at work
-i made delicious brownies and had a nice night in with my sweetheart last night
- i added a lot more to my dream catcher story, have more ideas, and read a writer's guide that didn't make me want to gag
-i signed up for "weheartit" so that i could finally keep track of all the pictures i like

there's probably way more but i'm exhausted and need to take some melatonin and go to sleep.
have a great evening!

ps go check out http://iheartkittenz.blogspot.com/

love is all you need.

"Being a woman... sexuality is half-poison and half-liberation. .. i am the most sexually free woman on the planet, and i am genuinely empowered from an honest place by my sexuality. what's more primal than sex? i mean, it's so honest."
-lady gaga

sexuality is a beautiful thing. i hate that it can be used as a weapon, or against someone. everyone has the right to sexuality. i don't just mean GLBTQ[etc] people, i mean everyone. men, women. women should be able to wear a skirt without someone thinking she is "asking for it." men should be able to live without fear that any move they make that isn't considered textbook "manly" won't have them called a sissy, or beaten. i look forward to the day where everyone can be his or herself. love who you want to love, and wear your skirt without fear.


love is the movement.

"in the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you will die if you were forbidden to write. and look deep into your heart where its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must i write?"-


rainer maria rilke

on individuality.

i used to be weird. no, like really weird. like as weird as lady gaga on her weirdest day. when i was in my first school, a catholic school from kindergarten-mid third grade, i used to tell people i was a witch. i think in my own mind, i believed it. just a little.

and then when i went to my second school, mid third grade-fifth, i still was weird. i always made goofy faces, goofy sounds. and apparently i "tried to walk sexy." i really felt different from my peers. i really felt alone, but at the same time, i felt enlightened.

and then i went to the next school district. 6th-12th grades. and somewhere in there, i lost myself. my true self. i never "sold out," per se. but i definitely toned down my differences, and it's because of that that i believe my depression truly manifested itself. i do believe it's in my blood, but i think thats what brought it out- the suppression of me. my me-ness.

cortland- there was the chance to bring back my me-ness. but instead of choosing to be a luna lovegood, or choosing to let my inner lioness show, i chose to be a first year neville, a mouse.

and then i came home. and here i am about to embark on my third year of college. and i've been thinking lately, here i am. finally coming out. as me. and i don't care if people think i'm weird, or if my faces are too silly, or if you don't like my outfit. go ahead and whisper about me in the halls. i'm not doing YOU, i'm doing ME. and you should be yourself. because it is so painful to hide who you are. anais nin said it best:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tightly in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

do you. wear you. write you. read you. BE you.

summer goals 2010

ok for reals... here are some summer goals that i really want to accomplish:

-take 50 pictures [this is hard for me because when i have my camera, i forget to use it... and usually i forget it in the first place
-save at least $700 more than i already have
-spend more time outside
-do more yoga
-lose 5 pounds, [of fat, gain muscle :)]
-journal more [havent truly journaled since april!]
-make some collages
-read a book a week [easy shmeazy lemon peazy]
-do fun things with my brothers, who are 8&9 like: bake, tie-dye, explore
-catch up on true blood, arrested development, skins, and weeds [at least 2/4!]
-complete second draft of dream catcher, and either start third OR start next story.. at least the outline, main ideas.

and in prep for the fall:
-go to academic advisor and make sure everything is in order for my associates
-find more concerts to go to [lights? gaga? evanescence? etc]
-buy fall/winter clothes


more to come... what are your summer goals?? i'd love to know.

i just wanted to say that the Cassie's Therapy Video posts i've been doing were created by Erimentha :). had i known this i would have given her credit right away! i always mean to give credit on the rare occasions that i borrow, but i get distracted. i'll try harder :) please go visit Erimentha and see her pretty blog for yourself.

happy father's day!!

happy father's day to the best father i could ever imagine.

if you want to know about my dad, i don't even know where to start. he is one of the most thoughtful men i know. and he cares about his four children more than even i could ever know. he does everything for us, whether shlepping us to work, school, soccer games, singing recitals, you name it. if we need something, or even want something, he'll help us get it. he doesn't spoil us, but we want for nothing. my dad has worked hard all my life to make sure i had a good childhood. we moved to long island so that we could have a yard and a pool. he brought me up to Cortland when i so desperately wanted to go there, and he came up and loaded the car back up when i so desperately needed to come back home.

my brothers idolize my dad. when they grow up, they want to be just like him, and i know why. he's one of the nicest people anyone could meet. he's friendly, and always smiling. everyone wants to know him, my friends have had crushes on him, and i'm sure that women his age love him! even though my dad no longer lives with me, he is still one of the most constant people in my life. i never once for a second thought that my dad moved out and left me. he is here all the time with us, and when he's home with his rescued kitten, Spooky, he is a phone call away.

there is so much more i could say about my dad, but then i'd be sitting here for longer than forever. thank you for being such an amazing dad, and showing me what kind of man i want to marry. you are one of my best friends, and i love you.