the hand that feeds

music is such a lovely thing. it can bring couples and friends together, it can make you either love or hate someone else. artists, through their lyrics and melodies, can inspire our moods, thoughts, and we look up to some of these people so much that we start to look to them for inspiration on clothing, food choices, and movie/other music choices. how many times has your favorite musician said "oh so&so has been the most influential on my career/i am really digging thisband's new album..." and you've downloaded the mentioned music right away? or how many times have you seen your favorite singer in a rad shirt and said "i have to have that." music has gotten us all through the joyous times, the rough times; the best of times, the worst of times. i know it has done so for me. my whole life i've written poetry and lyrics, and have dreamed of being in a band. i love getting on stage, i did singing lessons and recitals for many years. it's so exhilarating and magical to be up there. i would love to do so one day sharing my own words with the crowd, using my voice to inspire love, drama and sexual feelings. when i saw no doubt in concert, i actually cried. gwen has been such a force in my life. i get so many cues from her, everything she has done just feels right to me. her voice, her lyrics, her fashion, the red lipstick and bottle blonde hair. when she sang on stage that night, i just couldn't believe it. here was one of my idols, in the same general area as me. it didn't matter that i was in the nosebleed seats. that was just ... it.
music means so much to me. it's been there for me when i needed a friend. when i needed company walking to work or taking the bus. when i needed solace from a breakup or my parents' divorce. when i needed something to push me to write. when i was happy and just needed to dance.
i'm going to a Florence and the Machine show in November with one of my good friends Natalie. i'm so very pumped.
next post: concerts i've been to, concerts i hope to go to, and maybe some music recommendations. recommend me some, too :)

i've been very... gone... from this blog lately. i'd like to say i've been extremely busy, doing important things like saving the world or working on some writing projects. but in all actuality- i am watching Friends from season 1-10. i'm up to 3.
BUT when i get around to it, which will be very soon i hope, i'm going to write about:

-the rise and fall of jennifer weiner [in my eyes]
-the Nothing to Lose show i went to almost 2 weeks ago
-concerts i've been to [most recently paramore/new found glory/ tegan & sara/ kadawatha]
-some places i've been to around the island that i think you should know about!

etc.

so, i know that i have a million followers who are just hanging at the edge of their seats for me to write something. but i need to go watch friends.

<3

no h8!

yesterday was a very special day. prop 8 was repealed and LOVE REIGNS.

love is freedom. and we should all be free to love whomever we choose. whomever our heart tells us is the one. it does not matter if you are a woman who loves a man, a woman who loves a woman, or a man who loves a man. or two people who are each somewhere in between. 3 people who love each other and are in an even different type of relationship.
i believe that everyone should have the RIGHT to marry whomever they want. even if they don't choose to marry at all. what matters is that the right is there. and i hope that NY soon follows in California's footsteps, in more ways than one.

the annes and the andrews part une

i have made it a point to not tell any friend/family member/acquaintance that i feel that someone has bad motives. it may seem like I'M being a bad friend here, but here's the thing:

1- say you are my friend. and you have suddenly become best friends with anne. and i have a feeling that anne isn't the sweetest apple in the bunch. but you love anne. you think she is the greatest thing since fruity pebbles. and so, when i see anne starting to prove my theory, all i can do is hopelessly sit there, and perhaps GUIDE you. such as "if anne makes you this upset, then perhaps this friendship isn't working out." or "it seems to me that anne can be a little selfish." because, if i say, "anne is a lying whore who is plotting against you mean-girls style," eventually you will mention this to anne. then you and anne will get together and plot against ME meangirls style. eventually, anne will get you too. but it will be too late for our friendship to be mended. 

2- a friend actually did this to/for me when i had my own anne. when she felt suspicious about anne's behavior, she didnt run to me and say, "erin watch out for anne!" she stood back and let me figure it out for myself. as much as i wish this friend DID step up and tell me what anne was going to do, i did learn a big lesson in the end on my own.

screw the annes of this world!!

now for the meat of the story. i have a friend. she's smart, ambitious, and a little kooky in an endearing way. and she is heading for disaster. you see, she has met an ANDREW from my past. an andrew who must have multiple personality syndrome. for on one hand, from the outside, he seems sweet. mixed cds, flowers, the like. but it's too much sweet at once. like trying to chew 3 packs of skittles at the same time. and his other side, don't even get me started. controlling [don't wear makeup, you dont need this, you dont need that; basically he tries to tell you what you want, need, and feel as if he is god.], refuses to compliment, whines!! [you never let me pick what we should do. wah wah wah. well i would let you pick if you didn't want to force me to do things i wasn't comfortable with. or force me to eat a food that i've tried many times and don not like. i'm not a 5 year old you have to force to eat her veggies.] ANYWAY there is much more to the story, but the gist of it is, i don't like being controlled. i don't like men who think that if they give you flowers to make you smile, they can now tell you what to do, and be shady about it. as in "i think i'm going to control her but i think she's too dumb to realize i'm controlling her." i think if you ask many of the men in my life [family, friends, etc] why exactly they like me, it's because i think for myself. i'm independent. i'm a firecracker. i'm stubborn. i'm a woman's rights activist. i get what i want, and i'm strong as hell. ANDREW did not like this. he wanted me to be his puppet.

well my friend, let's call her Elle, is now involved with andrew. and i made the mISTAKE of trying to warn her before hand. because, andrew is calculating. i'm sure she made him aware of my warnings. i'm sure he twisted the story to make her believe all of the crazy was on me. now, i know it takes two to tango. obviously i'm not perfect. but andrew is bad news. and now my friend Elle barely talks to me. and while part of me hopes andrew treats her right, and doesnt pull any of the same shit with her, i know that then andrew in him is eventually going to come out. so elle, if you see this:

i'm sorry i said a word about andrew. if he makes you happy, then i'm happy for you. and i promise, you can talk to me, and not feel uncomfortable about the situation. i love you girl. 

more annes/andrews to come =]

i always think of amazing things to write about
then i sit down and the words won't flow out
feel like i always have to prove to people that i can write
but what good is it, half baked idea don't come out tight

and i'm sick of this thing we all call writer's block
they say work right through it but that's just a crock
'cuz how can i write through the blank space in my mind?
so many ideas, so little time, and i get a shortage
not enough money to pay the mortgage for this desk
and this mac and these keys and these notebooks
a struggling girl, that's not good looks

i have books filled with ideas but they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth
i go to another blog and see that SHE just wrote what i was thinking about
i don't want to be a copy, carbon or loose i just want to see the people in suits
going over my work, telling me they love me, wanna send my book to Borders,
yeah that would be lovely.

and other times the stories just flow right out, quicker than i have time to think
what's this really about? hidden metaphors even i don't see first time around
get my head out of the clouds, it's crunch time now
or never, get this story out onto the paper, make some edits and ask for some favors
can you look over my work? can you tell me you love it so i don't feel like a jerk
sending it out to contests and sometimes i win, never won the big prize but maybe it's
just a matter of time, one day i'll see my name in lights, headlining a poetry show

man i don't know... but it could happen! i could perform with michelle tea in manhattan
and you'd come to my show with your boys and stay for the whole performance
and i could go home with you and see your performance, you know what i mean
young romance, it basically grows on trees, make like Aoide and touch me

i have to say that although i complain i've been blessed with a gift that i'd never give up even when it's a curse, when the pain is worse than any physical cut, i know that it will heal, for this gift is real, never mind the appeal, its something you're born with but you gotta work on it too, now i'ma go work on it, bye boo.

thursday wursday

remember how i had to put down my copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire to read some other novels? well, i finished "Best Friends Forever" [not my favorite JW novel, but pretty good], and "Heart of the Matter," and then went back to it. and i am so glad that i did. the end was so action packed, i got to see what happened to Salander, and learned some shocking secrets. I learned who her father is, why she is considered "special needs," etc. i suggest that you read this if you have read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!

i'm currently reading the third, and sadly last, book in the Millenium Series, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. my 9 year old brother says the title is "stupid." but if you could look past his disparaging review [and judgement of a book by its cover!], i think it would be a worthy read. i'm so sad that this is the last book. I believe Stieg Larsson intended to put out ten novels in the Millenium Series. i sincerely hope that this book doesn't end in a cliff hanger. i can't decide if i'd like that or not. it would remind me of My So Called life. do they or don't they?

the world may never know.

cassie's therapy video, august =]

thank you for allowing me to do this, erimentha =]

Abracadabra, Wow!
I like boys with long eyelashes and girls with good taste in books
I like watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist over and over, almost as much as i enjoy reading the book
I like chocolate italian ice
I like feeling connected to people on a molecular level
I like kissing. a lot.
I like when someone takes a picture of me and it comes out looking nice.
I like feeling thin.
I like making collages
I like seeing good things come out of bad situations
I like fantasy novels
I like laying on the ground in the park, day dreaming with you under the night sky.
I like starbucks!
I love curling up in my sweatpants
Today I downloaded some new music.
In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate when people don't like the same music as me =X
I hate when i feel sweaty and can't shower
I hate when i read a poem i just don't understand
I hate when i can't get into a book i've been wanting to read
I hate when people SAY they are coming to book club, and then don't. 
I hate spending too much money, but in a way, i know that i've developed good saving habits.
I hate people who lie
I hate when I lie.


I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.