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peace: a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations, freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity, a state of tranquillity or serenity. 


or: A parting phrase, in good manner:

if you don't love me,

peace.

if you don't treat me right,

peace.

if you choose to ignore my offers of friendship?

the ear i try to lend?

the hand i extend to hold yours?

peace.

you want to walk away?

peace.

you want to talk trash behind my back?

peace.

you want to hold to your heart false memories of how things went down?

peace.

the list goes on and on. all i can do for you now is send peace your way.

but if you are a good friend? brand new or been around for a while? if you are here for me and you know i'm here for you? if you have a big heart, and big listening ears, and big eyes to see into the souls of others? if you believe just a little bit in magic? then PEACE. the good kind ;)

true beauty

"i realized that my tears were a gift; at school, the sisters had taught me that the saints wept with ecstasy. i opened my eyes, gazed at the darkness of the heavens, and felt my tears blending in with the raindrops. the earth was alive and the drops from above brought the miracles of heaven with them. we were all a part of that same miracle. how wonderful that God may be a woman... if that's true, then it was certainly God's feminine face that taught us how to love."


Paulo Coehlo, "By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept"

for you, wherever you may be right now.

you make me want to go to a dark spot
make the candles flicker make a wet spot
drink a little beer, out of character,
kissing your lips, now faster

you make me want to shudder with the wind
lose train of thought while the rain whips
eat with my hands, lust in my eyes,
strawberries, blueberries, banana cream pie

and if i can't have you tomorrow
give me your body just for tonight
and if i could, i'd split myself in two
a piece for myself and a memento for you

goodluck.

the choice is yours, don't be late...

i found it hard,

it was hard to find;

oh well

whatever

never mind.

mission sophomore year: complete

"we can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce the experience as often as possible."
-oscar wilde

tomorrow is the last day of my sophomore year, and i guess i want to reflect on this past semester.
i met some amazing new friends and acquaintances: alessia, alex, rudy, mike, hal, and the rest of Patti Tana's poetry workshop; the women's students association girls, and sarah; and i reconnected with an old classmate, lauren.
i broke free of some friendships that were unhealthy.
i started writing one of my favorite stories i've ever written, and wrote some poems that i feel reflect who i really am.
i read some incredible life changing books.
my psychology class was wonderful, and most of the people were a pleasure to be in class with at 10 am.
i saw Lights in concert during my lunch break.
i realized i am really, really stupid when it comes to math, more than i ever thought.
i only missed ONE poetry class out of 30ish.
i won a poetry contest [third prize]

and some things that happened outside of school but are still worth reflecting on:
i got a new job.
i saw Taylor Swift and almost died of happiness
i went to the witches brew, a lot, and had a few girls' nights
i adjusted to my dad not living with me.
i'm overcoming fears and obstacles, and learning what's important.
i can cross a few goals off of my list.

all in all this was an amazing few months. i have such a newfound sense of confidence. since i'm not depressed any more, i feel invigorated. i feel like a bad day doesnt always become a bad week a bad year a bad two decades. i feel like there ARE people out there who are worth it. i feel like maybe my writing can take me somewhere. i feel like i can do anything i want to do if i put my mind to it [except for math]. the only thing i didn't do enough of this semester was day dream about Paris. but i'll take it.

next stop, summer :)

grandmother nature

i was born blue. blue fingernails, toenails, and lips. my heart didn't work right, and i could only imagine how scared my young parents were. there had been no warning before my birth that i might come out not being so okay.

my family prayed, i imagine, and worried endlessly. my grandma especially pleaded with God. "If erin makes it through, i will leave my job [working in a cubicle] to work for the greater good." and when i was better, she made good on her promise.

my grandmother became a job coach. she makes sure that special needs people are being treated right in the work place, that they are getting fair treatment, paid right, and given jobs that they can handle. she also makes sure that they are listening to their bosses, and performing their jobs to the best of their ability. she has more paperwork than i've ever heard of in my life, and works at all times of the day. if something happens to one of the clients on her day off, she has to drop whatever she's doing to help them out.

she's been going through a lot lately, but she still does her best to make sure her clients are taken care of.
this summer, i spent weeks at a time at her house in Queens, and she really saved me. my parents divorce really swallowed my heart whole and i didn't know where to turn. but grandma was there. i had a place of refuge, somewhere to hide, to be free. somewhere to roam and to have my friends over. somewhere to learn to believe in life and love again when everything was falling apart.

i try to tell my grandmother all the time how much she means to me. i'm sitting here writing this now because she is here driving me absolutely insane and i need to remind myself of why i love her even when she's the source of my craziness.

taylor swift concer 2010

tonight was just... beyond comprehension.
the anticipation, the expectations, Taylor exceeded them all.
the chanting, the screaming, the sparkly dresses.
the medleys, the addition of justin timberlake's "what goes around..." to "you're not sorry."
the clips, the sets, taylor hugging the audience members and giving away her silver guitar.
telling her stories, singing the songs she wrote in her bedroom when she was so young.
teetering between sexy and sweet.
the drums. the heat. taylor crying and the look on her face.
the insatiable need fed, and then i was left hungry for more.
the ONLY thing missing was the new songs she added to fearless.

"With your face and the beautiful eyes
And the conversation with the little white lies
And the faded picture of a beautiful night
You carry me from your car to the stairs
And I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess, I need you"