feel better, stranger.

"i have a tendency to go through periods of deep sadness for no apparent reason, and the will to get out of bed in the morning becomes nonexistent. i am currently experiencing one of the worst periods of one of these (for now i will call them) melancholy states. i have spent 10+ hours a day in studio this last week and working til 1 am other nights. "
Cassie @ Peace&Posies i've struggled my whole life with depression. i've been diagnosed with bipolar, and had that diagnosis taken away and replaced with "cyclical moods similar to, but not quite as intense, as bipolar." i was put on lexapro, and then welbutrin. i didn't feel that either helped much at all. the worst part of my life was two semesters ago when i went away to school expecting an escape from my problems. instead of being happy and carefree, i leapt from one set of problems to another. the girls i met there hated me, i had no motivation to even live. i spent weeks at a time in bed, and was frequently ill. needless to say, i did not make "honor roll" that semester. so i came home. i quit the job that made me unhappy even though i wasn't financially ready to do so. i surrounded myself with the people who loved me and who i loved. it took one more semester of being in a fog to realize that i'd been living the first 19 years of my life in shadow. i began to laugh, to paint more, to read more, to do everything i love. i fixed things with my boyfriend, and mended friendships that i had let slide to the wayside. i spent much of my summer in queens, in my childhood home with my grandmother, helping her out. i came home at the end rejuvenated and excited for the next semester where i was to take two women's studies courses. and one day, the fog was lifted. i don't know if it will be lifted forever. depression runs in my family. but for the first time in my life, when i get sad, or angry, it doesn't make for the end of my world. i feel like a real person. not despair personified. Cassie-
you are a lovely person. your blog is wonderful, your pictures are gorgeous and so are you! you deserve to be loved completely by someone as awesome as you. someone who's going to wake up next to you and know that it is not a mistake at all, but a blessing. cut this guy loose, heal your heart, take your time. laugh and do all of the things you love. and if there's something you don't love, find a way to cut it out of your life. you deserve to be happy.