i always think of amazing things to write about
then i sit down and the words won't flow out
feel like i always have to prove to people that i can write
but what good is it, half baked idea don't come out tight
and i'm sick of this thing we all call writer's block
they say work right through it but that's just a crock
'cuz how can i write through the blank space in my mind?
so many ideas, so little time, and i get a shortage
not enough money to pay the mortgage for this desk
and this mac and these keys and these notebooks
a struggling girl, that's not good looks
i have books filled with ideas but they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth
i go to another blog and see that SHE just wrote what i was thinking about
i don't want to be a copy, carbon or loose i just want to see the people in suits
going over my work, telling me they love me, wanna send my book to Borders,
yeah that would be lovely.
and other times the stories just flow right out, quicker than i have time to think
what's this really about? hidden metaphors even i don't see first time around
get my head out of the clouds, it's crunch time now
or never, get this story out onto the paper, make some edits and ask for some favors
can you look over my work? can you tell me you love it so i don't feel like a jerk
sending it out to contests and sometimes i win, never won the big prize but maybe it's
just a matter of time, one day i'll see my name in lights, headlining a poetry show
man i don't know... but it could happen! i could perform with michelle tea in manhattan
and you'd come to my show with your boys and stay for the whole performance
and i could go home with you and see your performance, you know what i mean
young romance, it basically grows on trees, make like Aoide and touch me
i have to say that although i complain i've been blessed with a gift that i'd never give up even when it's a curse, when the pain is worse than any physical cut, i know that it will heal, for this gift is real, never mind the appeal, its something you're born with but you gotta work on it too, now i'ma go work on it, bye boo.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:08 AM 0 comments
Labels: poetry and prose
Thursday, July 29, 2010
thursday wursday
remember how i had to put down my copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire to read some other novels? well, i finished "Best Friends Forever" [not my favorite JW novel, but pretty good], and "Heart of the Matter," and then went back to it. and i am so glad that i did. the end was so action packed, i got to see what happened to Salander, and learned some shocking secrets. I learned who her father is, why she is considered "special needs," etc. i suggest that you read this if you have read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!
i'm currently reading the third, and sadly last, book in the Millenium Series, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. my 9 year old brother says the title is "stupid." but if you could look past his disparaging review [and judgement of a book by its cover!], i think it would be a worthy read. i'm so sad that this is the last book. I believe Stieg Larsson intended to put out ten novels in the Millenium Series. i sincerely hope that this book doesn't end in a cliff hanger. i can't decide if i'd like that or not. it would remind me of My So Called life. do they or don't they?
the world may never know.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 4:34 PM 0 comments
Labels: books
cassie's therapy video, august =]
I like boys with long eyelashes and girls with good taste in books
I like watching Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist over and over, almost as much as i enjoy reading the book
I like chocolate italian ice
I like feeling connected to people on a molecular level
I like kissing. a lot.
I like when someone takes a picture of me and it comes out looking nice.
I like feeling thin.
I like making collages
I like seeing good things come out of bad situations
I like fantasy novels
I like laying on the ground in the park, day dreaming with you under the night sky.
I like starbucks!
I love curling up in my sweatpants
Today I downloaded some new music.
In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate when people don't like the same music as me =X
I hate when i feel sweaty and can't shower
I hate when i read a poem i just don't understand
I hate when i can't get into a book i've been wanting to read
I hate when people SAY they are coming to book club, and then don't.
I hate spending too much money, but in a way, i know that i've developed good saving habits.
I hate people who lie
I hate when I lie.
I hate this, wow. . .Sorry.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:44 AM 0 comments
Labels: cassie's therapy video
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
the dream catcher
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:55 PM 0 comments
Labels: short stories
Sunday, July 25, 2010
37 days
37 days of freedom before school starts. 37 days to save to buy books, supplies, and clothes. 37 days to stay up late. 37 days to enjoy. 37 days to swim in the pool and lay around with less responsibility than usual. 37 days to go to the library at my leisure.
less than 37 days to see my friends who are going away to school. less than 37 days to get back to a good sleeping pattern.
i cant believe summer is coming to an end. although we still have 37 days which is a lot, we oNLY have 37 days which is not a lot.
does anyone have any last minute summer plans?
Posted by mermaidqueen at 11:03 AM 0 comments
Labels: summer '10
living simple makes loving simple
i found this on my favorite blog. >>by the way sam, loving the new purple layout :)
below this picture, samantha asked what this picture means to her readers. i usually would comment, or not say anything at all and just think about it, but it's sunday morning, i'm in a thoughtful mood, and want to get started on some writing. to me, being happy came about after a LOT of hard work. but when it finally happened, i realized i was happy because i didn't define who i was based on what i own. i didn't base it on keeping up with the joneses. instead, i based it on what my soul needs. my soul needs books. my soul needs a notebook and a pen. my soul needs to know that if i wanted to, i could move to paris tomorrow and leave most of my belongings behind here at home. i used to think that i'd have to mail every last item overseas. but then i realized. this is all just "stuff." it may mean something to me, but at the end of the day, most of it is not benefitting my heart or my soul. it's just stuff, and i can acquire new stuff anywhere i go.
and this led me to see that:
in my love life, i became much happier when i realized that i was comparing my relationship to others- "yeah, he hits her, but he buys her flowers regularly..." "they may be fighting every time they do so, but they call each other every night." i was comparing my relationship to every other relationship i had ever known in my life. i wasn't seeing that what we have is already wonderful, and that my being depressed was really taking a toll on everything. once i learned to live simpler and happier, i learned to love as thus.
when you are someone that focuses so much on material items, you are not simple. but simple isn't stupid. simple is knowing what you want, knowing what you love, and honoring yourself.
i shudder to think where i'd be today if i never evaluated my life and myself. this picture made me smile. thanks sam.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:43 AM 0 comments
Thursday, July 22, 2010
heart of the matter- emily giffin
"In the popular Giffin's latest, Nick Russo is a pediatric plastic surgeon; his wife, Tessa (sister of Dex, from Something Borrowed), is a professor turned stay-at-home mom living a cushy life in Boston. Nick is called in to care for a six-year-old burn victim, and Nick's devotion to his work is soon tangled up in his attraction to the boy's mother, Valerie, a single attorney. Narrated in turn by Tessa and Valerie, the action centers around—will they or won't they, and, if they do, will Tessa forgive him? While unclear what Nick finds so unsatisfying in his marriage, adultery is always tempting and Tessa and Valerie both have their charms. Longtime fans will enjoy the cameos, but for the best of Giffin, don't miss her earlier works"- amazon.com
i read, like, a LOT. like a lot. people who don't know my name refer to me as the girl who always is carrying a different book. i read fantasy, fiction, non fiction, poetry, ya novels, novels in verse... the list goes on and on. i love male authors and female authors, i can't pick a favorite. but sometimes, just sometimes... i start to feel like i'm "too good" for chick lit. and i start justifying why i'm reading a chick lit book. oh, its not really chick lit, blah blah blah.
but you know what? what is wrong with chick lit? nothing. nothing at all. not only are many chick lit books an emotional journey, they have a lot to offer. the characters are like the best friends you've never had. you start to identify with them. and many of the chick lit authors [such as jennifer weiner, or emily giffin], really, REALLY can write.
i read devoured emily giffin's Heart of the Matter in 2 days. it was heartfelt, and i loved her subtleness in how she brought Dex and Rachel back from Something borrowed/Something Blue [if you haven't read these, go to your local library.... nOW =)]. i loved BOTH tessa and valerie. i felt sympathetic towards each woman, and wanted them both to wind up with nick, as weird as that sounds. i really fell for charlie, valerie's son. i definitely plan on reading giffin's other two novels, Baby Proof and Love the One You're With.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 9:48 PM 0 comments
Labels: books
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
on age and respect
When most people get to know me truly, they view me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. but when it comes to looks [i guess] and the sound of my voice, no body takes me seriously. to me, i look just how i should. i have an adult body, although i am only 5'3". i speak with intellect, yet apparently i sound like someone 5 or more years my junior [i'm 20, 21 in february...]. ever since i hit my teens, "adults" [as in parents, my parents friends, etc] have assumed that i am much younger than i am.
take this for example: i have a 14 year old sister. when i was getting ready to go to college [ i was 18 and she was 12], and was shopping at linens and things with my parents and younger brothers, my sister stayed home. so when my mom ran into her friend at the store, her friend leans down to me as if i'm 4 years old [lady, you werent that tall yourself] and said, "oh, its soooo sweet of you to be shopping for your older sister while she is at work!!! thats so great. are you sad she's going away?" excuse me? I was the one going away, i was the college student. and she thought i was my younger sister? since when does hight mean anything? does anyone look at an old woman and her teenage grandson and surmise that he must be older because he is 6'2" and she has shrunk to 4'9"? i doubt that.
recently, i went into spencer's gifts with my boyfriend, and they asked me to leave because "we only allow patrons 18+ here." she did not ask how old i was, she did not ask to see id. she simply assumed that i was under 18, and basically kicked me out. i should have fought back, but i was so taken aback that i mumbled something and left.
my mom and her friends try to pull shit and say "oh well most women MY age would LOVE to be thought of as younger..." etc.
well i am not THEIR age. i am 20, and i'm at a point in my life where i want to be taken seriously. i have serious ambition, and a serious mind/heart. i cannot stand that people judge me as if i were years younger than i am. please, look at me as a human being, and if you are unsure about my [or anybody's age] please ask them politely or refrain from all comments about age. it's really frustrating. maybe when i am 40 i will long for people to tell me i look like i'm 25. but for now, i just want you to respect me. it's all i'm asking.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 12:55 PM 0 comments
Labels: random
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
tuesday wuesday
had to put down my copy of "the girl who played with fire." i'm enjoying it, and not at the same time. andrea gave me the perfect way to explain it. you know how in The Deathly Hallows there was a lot of... erm, camping? and to me, at least, that was frustrating. because it was boring. and i wanted the good part. and reading the girl who played with fire goes like this: good stuff, lottttsssssss of camping, good stuff, mooooooore camping, alittlebitofgoodstuff, camping. and i should have finished it ages ago, i just cant get through it. so me and the book are taking a break from eachother, and i went to the library today and picked up:
heart of the matter by emily giffin
best friends forever by jennifer weiner.
i've read every single book she's had published, so i am excited to read this [fly away home has a huge waiting list at the library, and i am literally the 152nd person in line for it!]
ariel by sylvia plath
stephen king's 'on writing'... i liked maeve binchy's writers guide even though i usually dont like to be told how to write. but maybe king can also give me some insight.
and lastly, for research for my dream catcher story,
every day life among the american indians by candy moulton
Posted by mermaidqueen at 4:46 PM 2 comments
Labels: books
Sunday, July 18, 2010
impossible love, by me
inspired by lady gaga's "future love" and by my crazy heart that falls in love with everyone i know just a little bit.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:32 AM 0 comments
Labels: lyrics, poetry and prose
Saturday, July 17, 2010
the cortland diaries: 4
when i went for my cortland orientation, i was really nervous. name games, crowds of new people, etc.. are not really my thing. my orientation roommate was thin and gorgeous in an italian model way, and although she was extremely sweet, and we did talk a bit, we weren't exactly destined to be friends. she spent most of her night after the days activities in the hallway with virtually everybody else in our building, talking and flirting and screeching into the night. i am one of those people who was not exactly tailor made to be a college student- not only is it almost impossible for me to stay up all night [except for when i desperately want sleep...], i can't function on no sleep and coffee like a lot of people can. i can't manage.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:58 AM 0 comments
Labels: the cortland diaries
Friday, July 16, 2010
journaling
journaling awakens the soul. keep one, i dare you. write what happened today, what inspires you, draw pictures, do something to document your heart...
i notice that whenever i stop journaling, details fall to the wayside. but when i write in my notebooks i feel like the little things matter, and that i am really getting to know myself.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 11:26 PM 0 comments
Labels: the write life
Thursday, July 15, 2010
you want me
you want me to be the same
you want me to catch the plague
you want me to close my eyes
you want me to sit down and take it
you want me to fight your wars
you want me to shut my mouth
you want me to listen to you
but i don't want to hear it
you want me to be afraid
you want me to like what you like
you want me to be perfect
but why can't you just want me as i am?
do you want me
or do you want a version of me that
you've invented in your nonsensical teeny tiny mind
do you want me
or do you want someone who is a carbon copy, a generic brand of coffee, a girl who never reads, isn't interested in things besides hair and clothes and make-up, cooking, cleaning, and lying face up or down to take it from you i'm not a man and i understand i can either fight on your side or for myself and i promise i will come out on top but not on top of you
if you want me-
a wild card, a fantasy, poetry mixed with tragedy
all the traits that encompass the real me-
my answer is maybe.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 6:08 PM 0 comments
Labels: poetry and prose
Margot and the Nuclear So-and-So's
are amazing.
i've listened to "the dust of reatreat" and "not animal". i know i should have listened to "animal" first but i couldnt get a hold on that until this morning. i really love their sound, i am not usually into male singers but i love the singer's voice. the lyrics are superb, the music is psychedelic and relaxing at the same time. it makes me want to lay in a grass field at sunset in a dress holding hands with a hipster boy.
in other music news, a true/slant writer claims that janelle monae is more talented than lady gaga. i do not listen to JM nor do i know much about her, but i do know that i made the unfortunate mistake of going to the no doubt/paramore 2009 concert a little too early and caught her as the opening act. she came on stage in a strange outfit, proclaimed she was an alien, and screeched into the mic in an earsplitting matter. perhaps this writer has heard her music videos/recordings but not seen her live? all i can say is, the wonderful and strange thing about humans is that we all have different tastes. in music, in movies, in foods, in drinks, in clothing, in EVERYTHING. so for every gaga lover like me, there are many gaga haters. and for every person that shops at american apparel, there are 5 that shop exclusively at hollister. some prefer vanilla, some chocolate, and some dont like either. so i dont think that we can "prove" one artist is better than another, it is all opinion.
have a musical day! and check out M&TNSAS
Posted by mermaidqueen at 11:53 AM 1 comments
Labels: music
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
the next few weeks are going to be awesome!!
i get to go to my aunt's house for a few days, see paramore/tegan and sara, and see john mayer and maroon 5!! also if i'm off of work i will get to go to a Nothing to Lose show with natalie. soo this summer is pretty rockin'. life is good :)
Posted by mermaidqueen at 9:59 PM 0 comments
Labels: summer '10
sleepyhead by passion pit
And you said
It was like fire around the brim
Burning solid
Burning thin the burning rim
Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes
You were one inch from the edge of this bed
I drag you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead
They couldn't think of something to say the day you burst
With all their lions and all their might and all their thirst
They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin
Against the walls against your rules against your skin
My beard grew down to the floor and out through the doors
Of your eyes but go in disguise like a sleepyhead, sleepyhead
passion pit's sleepyhead=pure poetry.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 4:16 PM 0 comments
Labels: music
Sunday, July 11, 2010
i would
kil1thewaitress
someone is making juice-ica angry
emilyemilyxcore
Erins right we need to save the city of townsville from the forces of evil.
kil1thewaitress
@emilyemilyxcore some one has a little too much chemical x in her juice box! and her name is juice-ica code c. [@jessdeo ily forgive me]
jessdeo
@kil1thewaitress @emilyemilyxcore hahaaa I love you guys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
![](http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/1/1/6/2/6/4/1/1/orig-11626411.jpg)
here
if i lived in california, i would be able to go to Audrey's sale. i would be able to meet sarah morrison for lunch. i would be able to attend a writing workshop given by Francesca Lia Block. i would learn to surf and have a tan. i would visit anaheim to see la former residence of gwendolyn stefani. i would listen to the beach boys more. i would read all day out in the sun, and write all day by the moon.
i would. i would. i would. i would.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 11:01 PM 1 comments
Labels: random, summer '10
lion in a coma
today i was thinking...
i complain about work, but at least i have a job.
and i complain about other things too but i have a home, and a family, and amazing friends, and someone who loves me, and i read and listen to music and feel happy and when i'm sad it doesn't last a million days in a row lately, and i don't have to drink my problems away, and i have so much more to be happy/grateful for than i do to be sad for.
i have as many problems as the next guy, but at least i can work through them on my own, or with a little help from the people i love.
listening to: animal collective
reading: just finished the july issue of elle, about to start The Girl who Played with Fire by stieg larsson
feeling: sweaty
thinking about: my new idea to raise money for charity[ies]
hope your weekend went well!
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:33 PM 0 comments
Labels: random
Friday, July 9, 2010
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:59 PM 0 comments
Labels: poetry and prose
a letter to glamour magazine that i'm not sending because i'm just pmsing and i don't want them to hate me
Posted by mermaidqueen at 12:18 PM 1 comments
Labels: random
Thursday, July 8, 2010
the girl with the dragon tattoo
at first i was skeptical of Stieg Larsson's Millenium Trilogy. i was like "best seller? so what? it cant be that amazing. it looks dumb."
then... "ok i'll put it on the reading list, mayyyyybe i'll get to it. eventually."
then..."hmm..."
and then my girl less suggested it for book club and here we go, i was borrowing the book from a friends mom and... all i can say is wow.
Larsson has written an intense, disturbing, sexual, crazy ass motherfucker of a book. and it was so. fucking. good. the first chapter was ehh. so i skipped it. the second chapter until about page 200, i was thinking it was an ok read. by page 300, i was hooked.
i love larsson's obvious feminist outlook. i love his character of lisbeth salander. i love the twists, and the references, and almost EVERYTHING about this book was just captivating. i will be recommending this to everyone and anyone who asks me what book i think they should read next. i think everyone should read this marvelous piece of lit. even at its most disturbing moment, i could not look away.
i will be getting my hands on a copy of The Girl Who Played with Fire very soon... it is so sad that he only got to publish/finish 3 books out of the supposed ten he meant to write in this series. when he died, the literature world lost a great author. especially one with compassion for the human spirit, and a gift for mystery.
next up, i'll be reading "Cum Laude" by Cecily von Ziegesar
Posted by mermaidqueen at 5:22 PM 2 comments
Labels: books
Saturday, July 3, 2010
i'm flabbergasted.
a few weeks ago, i stumbled upon an article on aol, declaring that not wearing makeup to work on mondays was some kind of strange phenomena. it went on to say basically that its very brave to not wear makeup and that its sooo awesome that jane doe or whatever her name is that they interviewed for the article, is basically kickstarting a freaking revolution by not wearing makeup. honestly, i have two words for you aol, "fuck you." i know many, many women including myself, my friends, teachers, fellow classmates, etc, who DONT wear makeup every day. dont get me wrong. i LOVE makeup, and i have a lot of it. but i dont have to wear it. in fact, i'd say i wear it once a month. because either i forget to put it on or dont have time. and i dont feel less of a woman for that. i have ugly days, and pretty days, but neither of those depend on whats on my face.
ive seen so many girls crying over problems with zits. its a cycle, girls. puberty= zits. then you put on 4 pounds of maybelline foundation every day to cover said zits. then, the makeup suffocates your face, and you get MORE zits. now you have a different color face and neck, and you have bumps all over your face, and your eyeliner is smudged to your chin. WOW WHO'S A LADY NOW.
BUT here is the point... tonight i was on aol.com again [huge fucking mistake that i keep making. silly me.] and here is a quote from this article about taylor momsen that aol led me to.
"And she's been seen drinking, making out with another girl and partying the night away."
ok. taylor momsen is 16. she's in a band, the pretty reckless. she writes her own music, rebels against fashion norms, and she's basically your average teenager, if the average teenager were given a starring role on one of the cw's hottest dramas, and millions of dollars. should she be drinking? no. partying the night away? no. but that's what a lot of kids her age do. just because i didnt, or you didnt, doesnt mean no one did. and for all the parents that complain about this shit, and then say in the same breath "i was sixteen once!!" NO YOU CLEARLY WERENT. because you seem to think EXPRESSING YOURSELF and DOING THINGS THAT NORMAL KIDS DO is a crime.
but here's the part that reallllly got me. apparently, momsen was seen making out with a girl. wait, what? a girl?! oh my god stop the press this girl needs help. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. AND FUCK YOU.
now do i think taylor is a lesbian/bisexual/whatever? no, but i dont know her personally. and maybe she was kissing her for attention, or kissing her because she felt like it, or kissing her because she likes her. but the point is, it doesnt matter. what matters is that in 2010, people shouldnt be considering homoerotic kissing to be offensive. LIVE AND LET LIVE.
honestly, is this what we want to teach our kids?
HATE. HATE HATE HATE. hate people who kiss people of the same sex. bad girl, taylor momsen. the fact that gets me the most is parents are always saying that kids do the opposite of what they're told. and there are so many parents saying "dont kiss [insert same sex here]s. don't participate in "gay" behavior."
i just really cant stand the fact that this is listed as one of her offenses. get a life. seriously. the people that work for aol, and pop eater, etc, are serious journalists? find something actually newsworthy to write about and let taylor and all the other celebs live their own lives.
we've become way too obsessed with celebrity culture.
are your eyes burning?
Posted by mermaidqueen at 11:13 PM 1 comments
dog days are over
i used to have nightmares, every single night. for months straight.
i'd wake up every night at a crazy hour, crying, whimpering, or yelling.
so i decided to transfer that into a novel. which became a short story. which is growing into a novel.
but now the nightmares are gone. and i only remember clips of them, like a movie i know i saw long ago but can't quite recall.
so i'm sitting here listening to the florence and the machine album, which is the unofficial soundtrack for my story. and wishing my local library had a larger selection of books on the history of native americans. anyone know of a good NA history book i should read? i am taking a class on their history next semester but i dont want to wait that long.
Posted by mermaidqueen at 1:25 PM 2 comments
Labels: books, music, the write life
books books books!
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:25 AM 0 comments
Labels: books
freaky deaky
7/2/10
it's freaky that my friends and i are at the age where we
-are/are almost at drinking age. no more fake id's for you guys!
-will be getting "real" "careers" in the next few years
-may even be thinking of marriage or kids someday soon
-worry about things like money, and car insurance, and bills, etc.
i know i personally am saving for my future, working on my first book [first as in hopefully first of many], and have started reading Oprah magazine. i also picked out coasters. [at urban outfitters, of course.]
and i have pulled my very first carrie bradshaw... after crying this morning over money woes i bought a betsy johnson purse at nordstorm. it was only 98$ though. at least it wasn't anything i'd practically have to take a loan out for!!
Posted by mermaidqueen at 10:19 AM 0 comments
Labels: random