memories.

when i was in kindergarten, we had naptime. everyone would lay down on these little mats and were forced to take a nap. i never really took naps when i was 5. i hated it. but there was this little boy michael rustiki. and he used to hold my hand. he came to my birthday party one year and his mom had made me a sweatshirt. i don't have it anymore, but i wish i did. i am friends with michael rustiki on facebook. i asked him if he remembers holding my hand, but he never said anything to me.

one of my earliest memories is my fourth birthday. i was jumping up and down, bouncing on my parents bed talking to my mom and my aunt. why do i remember such insignificant things, but i can't remember what i said in an argument 5 minutes ago?

i used to have nightmares that my parents abandoned me in the mall parking lot. sometimes at night i couldn't fall asleep because i was afraid my parents were going to die like my dad's did when he was young. one night, i got sent to bed early. i dont know why. what i do know is that a few days before, my dad started a sentence and i had interrupted him. as i was trying to fall asleep that night i started crying hysterically. my parents thought i was trying to get out of being punished to watch TGIF. the truth is, i thought, what if my dad dies tonight and i'll never know what he wanted to say? what if it was important?