question existing lyrics- rihanna

this is how i feel most days:

take off my shirt

loosen the buttons
and undo my skirt
stare at myself in the mirror
pick me apart piece by piece.
sorrow decrease
pressure release
i put in work
did more than called upon, more than deserved
when it was over , did i wind up hurt? (yes)
but it taught me before a decision ask this question first

who am i living for?
is this my limit?
can i endure some more?
Chances i'm Giving,
Question existing
who am i living for? ooohh
is this my limit?
cant i endure some more?
Chances I'm Giving,
Question existing.

take off my cool

show them that under here
im just like you
do the mistakes

i make make me a fool
or a human with flaws
admit that im lost
Round of applause
Take the abuse
Sometimes it feels like they want me to lose
It's entertainment
Is That An Excuse?(no)
But the question that lingers whether win or lose

who am i living for?
is this my limit?
can i endure some more?
Chances i'm Giving,
Question existing
who am i living for? ooohh
is this my limit?
cant i endure some more?
Chances I'm Giving,
Question existing.

[[dear diary,
It's Robyn.
Entertaining is something i do for a living.
It's not who i am.
I like to think that I'm normal.
I laugh.
I get mad.
I hurt.
I think guys suck sometimes.
But when you're in the spot light everything seems good.

Sometimes I feel like I have it worst cuz i always have to keep my guard up.
I dont know who to trust.
I dont know who wants to date me for who i am.
Or who wants to be my friend for who i REALLY am.]]

who am i living for?
is this my limit?
can i endure some more?
Chances i'm Giving,
Question existing
who am i living for? ooohh
is this my limit?
cant i endure some more?
Chances I'm Giving,
Question existing.

Marilyn

you know what my dream book would be to write? the ultimate biography on marilyn monroe. there are so many bios on her. maybe hundreds. but they all contradict each other; they can't agree. was she bisexual? was she molested as a child? who was her real father? does anyone know the real marilyn? was her death a suicide? natural? homicide? if it was a homicide, was it the kennedy's? so many questions. and it's impossible to ask the infamous blonde herself. but if my job was to real through all of these bios, including one that she wrote herself, and then write my own account of what i believe to be truthful, i'd love it. hmm... something to think about.

bookworld

drinking my pineapple juice that grandma brought over for me, watching the chronicles of narnia on disney channel because nothing else is on. its sunday, and even though i hate bloody mondays, sundays are wonderful in my book.

SPEAKING of books:

i think that without books i would have no idea what to do with myself. seriously. a great deal of my time is spent reading, writing, thinking about both, interacting online with authors, and daydreaming about writing my own books one day all while having enough time to read the 500+ on my list. the library is a second home. or, it was, until it was spoiled a bit for me. but it's my sacred place. my church. i wish i could have cards in manhattan and suffolk. but i settle for here and queens. i'm the girl who gets "Spoken to" at the library for requesting too many things. i tried donating to the library but they didn't quite get it. oh well. all that being said, i wish i had the ambition to open my own library. i think i'd open a private one. not one where you had to pay to be a member, but one where you had to be a lover of books to enter. with a huge "Teen section". i dont like the label "young adult/YA" because that makes me think of kids 14 and under. i think there needs to be: childrens, young adult, teen, adult. how about just books for everyone?

i think someday i'm going to open a cafe with poetry night, amazing cupcakes, a place specifically for people to read and write, and a little library. hmm...

A cup of Joe

i want some of these things!! the sheep, the lavender, the honey, the ring!! the candles, the foot massage, the perfume that smells like snow!!!!! everything looks so wonderful, i want it all! Joanna Goddard always talks about the most adorable things on her blog.

the cortland diaries: 2

i arrive.

it's spring.

time to see if this is the place i really want to be.

i look around;

it's cold.

there's slush on the ground and i forgot to wear my rainboots.

but the campus is quaint.

the buildings are brick and my O.A. is cute.

her name is Robin, like the bird.

i meet a girl, a new friend.

her name is Maeve

Queen of the faeries.

we dine together,

we look around.

it feels like it could be home.

my roommate for the night is sweet.

she's pretty and she will not be seen without her black and white buffalo check scarf.

you can tell that in high school she was p o p u l a r.

you can tell that she'll be popular here, too.

she stays outside the room all night,

talking to some fat black kid,

a sean kingston look alike.

i try to sleep.

mistake number one.

in the morning,

Maeve and I have breakfast with our parents.

today her dad is here,

her mother has gone to work.

as we munch on eggs and muffins

and an all you can eat buffet at Neubig,

i think to myself,

"could this be home?"

you inspire me :)

nassau did something fun for once.

it's no secret i hate college. i hated cortland, i hate nassau, and even though i am optimistic i will probably hate the next school too. but today nassau did something cool and invited Amber Tamblyn to come read some poetry and perform. I never saw most of the shows or movies she's been in, but I saw her in both Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies and she seemed talented enough. I have known about her poetry but i never got the opportunity to read/hear it before. Well, she came today at 2 oclock and we went to see her in CCB. She was pretty funny, her poetry was right up my alley, and she brought her mother along. Her mother is a singer and she sang a little bit and played background music for Amber. All in all it was a great performance and it was much better than attending class would have been.

PS i get to read Cecil Seaskull's "Rose Sees Red" before it is available to the public. because i'm awesome like that.