Wednesday, July 28, 2010

the dream catcher


                   "You have a beautiful home," Olivia said. "I love the dream catcher, what's the story behind it?"
                   Maria picked at a cookie, pensively breaking the green away from the hot pink.  She paused dramatically, and the air was thick with a juicy story.  Then, she parted her red lips and told a tale that seemed as if it had been written down and read aloud.
            Well, a very long time ago, my great, great grandfather moved from Mexico to Upstate New York to start a new life. But he could not leave his old life behind- every night he was plagued by nightmares… very brutal nightmares. He’d wake up screaming, sweating, scaring the neighbors and animals. One day, a few weeks after he moved, there was a knock on his cabin door. Lonely, and bored from being without work, he answered, not knowing what to expect. The girl that stood before him was young and sensual. She had deep brown eyes, and her skin was the color of dark chocolate. Her lips were heart shaped and reminded him of strawberries. He was absolutely mesmerized. She beckoned him toward the woods without a word, and he followed. Whenever he tried to speak, she shushed him. Finally, after almost an hour, she led him to a clearing in the jungle-green forest. They sat on tree stumps, and then she said:


‘I hear tell of screams in the night
Is it just nightmares, or violent delights?
They last from dusk till morning light…
I have wondered, dear sir, are you alright?’

            Startled at both her serene voice and her use of rhyme, he took a moment to gather himself. “Why, yes. I’m sort of embarrassed you heard me. I am gripped by dark, depressing dreams; I am at my wit’s end.” He proceeded to tell her the nightmares in detail, though he did not know why, he trusted her deeply and wholly. The rays of the sun slowly blurred into a silvery moon. It seemed that time had flown away like a bluebird.  Before he left, she -who he had learned was called Sienne, and was the Indian chief’s daughter- turned to him, and produced a feathered, beaded object from her deerskin bag.
“Here,” she said, “Hang it over your bed.
These dark, macabre mysteries will soon fly out of your head
And only through good dreams will you tread.
No longer will sleeping be something you dread.”

            He nodded and watched her disappear into the trees, the cryptic, voluptuous, Indian woman who had captured his heart and given him a gift in return: The Dream Catcher. From that night on, he dreamt delightful little stories of sunflowers and world peace, music and hummingbirds, coy fish and love. He promised himself he would marry her if he ever met her again, assuming she loved him too. But he never did see her. He married my great, great grandmother three years later. “

Sunday, July 25, 2010

37 days

37 days of freedom before school starts. 37 days to save to buy books, supplies, and clothes. 37 days to stay up late. 37 days to enjoy. 37 days to swim in the pool and lay around with less responsibility than usual. 37 days to go to the library at my leisure.


less than 37 days to see my friends who are going away to school. less than 37 days to get back to a good sleeping pattern.

i cant believe summer is coming to an end. although we still have 37 days which is a lot, we oNLY have 37 days which is not a lot.

does anyone have any last minute summer plans?

living simple makes loving simple

True Words on Mississippi St.



i found this on my favorite blog. >>by the way sam, loving the new purple layout :)




below this picture, samantha asked what this picture means to her readers. i usually would comment, or not say anything at all and just think about it, but it's sunday morning, i'm in a thoughtful mood, and want to get started on some writing. to me, being happy came about after a LOT of hard work. but when it finally happened, i realized i was happy because i didn't define who i was based on what i own. i didn't base it on keeping up with the joneses. instead, i based it on what my soul needs. my soul needs books. my soul needs a notebook and a pen. my soul needs to know that if i wanted to, i could move to paris tomorrow and leave most of my belongings behind here at home. i used to think that i'd have to mail every last item overseas. but then i realized. this is all just "stuff." it may mean something to me, but at the end of the day, most of it is not benefitting my heart or my soul. it's just stuff, and i can acquire new stuff anywhere i go. 
and this led me to see that:
in my love life, i became much happier when i realized that i was comparing my relationship to others- "yeah, he hits her, but he buys her flowers regularly..." "they may be fighting every time they do so, but they call each other every night." i was comparing my relationship to every other relationship i had ever known in my life. i wasn't seeing that what we have is already wonderful, and that my being depressed was really taking a toll on everything. once i learned to live simpler and happier, i learned to love as thus. 
when you are someone that focuses so much on material items, you are not simple. but simple isn't stupid. simple is knowing what you want, knowing what you love, and honoring yourself. 


i shudder to think where i'd be today if i never evaluated my life and myself. this picture made me smile. thanks sam.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

heart of the matter- emily giffin

"In the popular Giffin's latest, Nick Russo is a pediatric plastic surgeon; his wife, Tessa (sister of Dex, from Something Borrowed), is a professor turned stay-at-home mom living a cushy life in Boston. Nick is called in to care for a six-year-old burn victim, and Nick's devotion to his work is soon tangled up in his attraction to the boy's mother, Valerie, a single attorney. Narrated in turn by Tessa and Valerie, the action centers around—will they or won't they, and, if they do, will Tessa forgive him? While unclear what Nick finds so unsatisfying in his marriage, adultery is always tempting and Tessa and Valerie both have their charms. Longtime fans will enjoy the cameos, but for the best of Giffin, don't miss her earlier works"- amazon.com


i read, like, a LOT. like a lot. people who don't know my name refer to me as the girl who always is carrying a different book. i read fantasy, fiction, non fiction, poetry, ya novels, novels in verse... the list goes on and on. i love male authors and female authors, i can't pick a favorite. but sometimes, just sometimes... i start to feel like i'm "too good" for chick lit. and i start justifying why i'm reading a chick lit book. oh, its not really chick lit, blah blah blah.


but you know what? what is wrong with chick lit? nothing. nothing at all. not only are many chick lit books an emotional journey, they have a lot to offer. the characters are like the best friends you've never had. you start to identify with them. and many of the chick lit authors [such as jennifer weiner, or emily giffin], really, REALLY can write.


i read devoured emily giffin's Heart of the Matter in 2 days. it was heartfelt, and i loved her subtleness in how she brought Dex and Rachel back from Something borrowed/Something Blue [if you haven't read these, go to your local library.... nOW =)]. i loved BOTH tessa and valerie. i felt sympathetic towards each woman, and wanted them both to wind up with nick, as weird as that sounds. i really fell for charlie, valerie's son. i definitely plan on reading giffin's other two novels, Baby Proof and Love the One You're With.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

on age and respect

When most people get to know me truly, they view me as an old soul, wise beyond my years. but when it comes to looks [i guess] and the sound of my voice, no body takes me seriously. to me, i look just how i should. i have an adult body, although i am only 5'3". i speak with intellect, yet apparently i sound like someone 5 or more years my junior [i'm 20, 21 in february...]. ever since i hit my teens, "adults" [as in parents, my parents friends, etc] have assumed that i am much younger than i am.

take this for example: i have a 14 year old sister. when i was getting ready to go to college [ i was 18 and she was 12], and was shopping at linens and things with my parents and younger brothers, my sister stayed home. so when my mom ran into her friend at the store, her friend leans down to me as if i'm 4 years old [lady, you werent that tall yourself] and said, "oh, its soooo sweet of you to be shopping for your older sister while she is at work!!! thats so great. are you sad she's going away?"  excuse me? I was the one going away, i was the college student. and she thought i was my younger sister? since when does hight mean anything? does anyone look at an old woman and her teenage grandson and surmise that he must be older because he is 6'2" and she has shrunk to 4'9"? i doubt that.

recently, i went into spencer's gifts with my boyfriend, and they asked me to leave because "we only allow patrons 18+ here." she did not ask how old i was, she did not ask to see id. she simply assumed that i was under 18, and basically kicked me out. i should have fought back, but i was so taken aback that i mumbled something and left.

my mom and her friends try to pull shit and say "oh well most women MY age would LOVE to be thought of as younger..." etc.
well i am not THEIR age. i am 20, and i'm at a point in my life where i want to be taken seriously. i have serious ambition, and a serious mind/heart. i cannot stand that people judge me as if i were years younger than i am. please, look at me as a human being, and if you are unsure about my [or anybody's age] please ask them politely or refrain from all comments about age. it's really frustrating. maybe when i am 40 i will long for people to tell me i look like i'm 25. but for now, i just want you to respect me. it's all i'm asking.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

tuesday wuesday

had to put down my copy of "the girl who played with fire." i'm enjoying it, and not at the same time. andrea gave me the perfect way to explain it. you know how in The Deathly Hallows there was a lot of... erm, camping? and to me, at least, that was frustrating. because it was boring. and i wanted the good part. and reading the girl who played with fire goes like this: good stuff, lottttsssssss of camping, good stuff, mooooooore camping, alittlebitofgoodstuff, camping. and i should have finished it ages ago, i just cant get through it. so me and the book are taking a break from eachother, and i went  to the library today and picked up:

Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin (Hardcover)heart of the matter by emily giffin
best-20friends-20forever-smallbest friends forever by jennifer weiner.
i've read every single book she's had published, so i am excited to read this [fly away home has a huge waiting list at the library, and i am literally the 152nd person in line for it!]
ariel  by sylvia plath
stephen king's 'on writing'... i liked maeve binchy's writers guide even though i usually dont like to be told how to write. but maybe king can also give me some insight.

and lastly, for research for my dream catcher story,
every day life among the american indians by candy moulton

Sunday, July 18, 2010

impossible love, by me

inspired by lady gaga's "future love" and by my crazy heart that falls in love with everyone i know just a little bit.


When I met you, you smiled
Told me stick around for a while
You were just being polite
But my heart misunderstood

Or we dated for a while
I told you to hit the road
Many times, long ago-o-o

Now I’m with the love of my life
But I can’t help being disappointed
When you find love too

We have an impossible love
I made it up in my head
I dream of your love
When we’ve both moved on
To all the loves that never were
Fully coming to fruition
I miss you
What I’d give just to kiss you
One more time

When I saw you last weekend
Oh you barely looked at me
Oh you brought me to my knees
So sexy so sweet
How could I have let you go
Away from me?

Now I’m with the love of my life
But I can’t help feeling gypped
When you’re getting matching tattoos
With her and not me

Baby I’ve been around the block
What we almost had, it was a lot
Now we are back to square one
I don’t even know you

We have an impossible love
I’m making  it up in my head
I dream of your love
When we’ve both moved on
To all the loves that never were
Fully coming to fruition
I miss you
What I’d give just to kiss you
One more time