it's funny how when you are young, there are so many days where you feel it is the "worst day of your entire LIFE" or that someone (probably a parent) is RUINING YOUR LIFE. well i've had a lot of those days. and looking back, some days i was severely exaggerating, and some days truly were awful. and some days i thought were happy, i now look back upon as fool's gold. but today is, in all actuality, one of the worst days of my life. watching him pack his stuff and step out the door was horrifying. if there was ever a time for me to forsake God, it is now. if there was ever a time for me to curse the heavens and damn myself to hell it is now. sometimes i feel like i am already in hell, so bring it the fuck on.

if there really is a God, he is laughing. he is watching the destruction of the world, and of individuals and is merry. the juice of our broken hearts is his wine. the pieces of our broken souls are his bread.

and if there is no God? then we truly are on our own. we really are all just awful people. lying and cheating and stealing and killing and hurting ourselves and others. because in wronging others, we wrong ourselves. i don't see the point in engaging in interaction with other human beings sometimes. i'd rather just talk to myself.