explain it to me.

this morning i saw Where the Wild Things Are. it was raw and imaginative, sweet and sorrowful. the monsters were more human-like than some people i know in real life. i want to cry with Carol, talk to Bob and Terry with KW, and make holes in the trees with Ira. life would be simpler... or would it? this is the last weekend of my life as i have known it since i was born. it's the ending of a chapter, a chapter i never thought would come to a close. then again, when one chapter ends, a next one begins... i am not to the end of my book of life yet. sometimes i wish the end would never come and sometimes i wish it would be here sooner than later.

i am reading a book, Pretty Dead, by FLB, and i like it a lot more than i thought i would. it is about a vampire but it doesn't seem like it. i am not really into the vampire craze... i liked them before it was cool and i'm over it now. i try to stay away from stories about vampires and werewolves and ghosts... these things are mine and i don't want to share them with the world. i know it sounds silly but it's true. i'm the same way with witches and salem. mine and mine. i don't want to see every book i read in everyone's hands. some, but not all.

one of my biggest fears is dying before i read all i want to read. because to me, reading is knowledge. i am afraid i will die before i write all i need to write. in writing i am sharing my story, my mystery, my knowledge. i do believe i know things you might want to know but don't. everyone has something to offer.

i keep meaning to write about this but i forget: i have been having a shy moment. there are 2 girls in 2 classes that i really want to befriend. sandra and i have been talking, she is great. she always is up for a discussion about books. i would love to go get some coffee with her and chat sometime. her and i are facebook friends and i think we will be able to be friends outside of school. i can get awkward. but there is this girl Rebecca Levine (i'm not sure if she spells it that way, there are different ways to spell both her first and last name). she is nice as well, has a great style, and also likes books. i think i could be friends with her as well. i hope i do not come across as too eager. i am not sure how to make friends anymore lol.

lastly there is someone else i used to know in east meadow, and i would love to get back in touch. we write on eachother's walls once in a blue moon, but i would like to get together at some point for coffee and a chat. she seems comfortable in the group of friends she already has.

this is not to say i am not grateful for the friends i already have. but i get lonely with jamie and russ up at school, ari and teeny being so busy. hanging out with jody keeps me laughing, and i love having someone to talk about books and music with. she;s been a better friend to me since i've known her than some people i've known for years.

well, i am off to go read some more "Pretty Dead," and then to eat at jody's friends' house. tata for now.