one cell in the sea

there is this girl, L. she and i were friends when i moved to east meadow, and stayed there from mid third grade to fifth grade "graduation." then when i moved away, just a few towns over, to me and my other 11 year old friends it felt like i moved planets away. L came over here maybe once, if that.
i have always wished that L and i had remained friends. even back then she was effortlessly cool. someone who knew the trends and then made her own. someone who the boys liked not because she was exceptionally beautiful, but she had it. even in 4th grade she had it. i used to love going to her house. her dad was a dj. i don't know what her mom did. but it was always so much fun to go there. i can still remember sitting in her bedroom, always listening to the most popular music. she'd talk to me about her dance classes and our shared crush with a boy in our class. it made me really happy to be friends with her. she was so sweet and such a creative person with a great family. i remember when she found out she was adopted. her older brothers, who were twins, were adopted too. i remember thinking how cool it was that their parents loved them so much, not because they had to but because they wanted to.

i'm friends with L on facebook. sometimes i look at her pictures or her wall, to get a glimpse into her life. she listens to the best indie music, has a gorgeous style, and it exotic looking as ever. i wonder how different my life would be if i had stayed in E.M. would we still be friends at all? would i be anything like her? she just made a deal with a fashion company. she's starting her own line at 20. and i'm... here. last night i had a dream she was blind. and she STILL dressed so nice. and drove. and she still wrote down her thoughts in diaries [she has about 60 of them in real life that have been completed, she writes down everything. and her poetry/ other writing is to die for]. she invited me to share one of my poems, and i got all choked up. i had no idea which to share or what to say. i felt inferior. she was handicapped and it didn't reflect at all.

well honestly i have realized over time that being myself has to be good enough and is good enough. i can do whatever i set my mind to just like other people can do. so i've been making wise decisions, and making the necessary changes. i've been living and loving and i've been listening to my heartbeat and inner thoughts and feelings, and not paying attention to all the static around me or the toxic friends. instead of getting jealous when my friends go to Paris and England i say to myself, "not yet.. but soon. one day you will be there and it will be worth the ache." everything you truly want is worth the ache. just you wait and see. i wish L the best of luck in her life, and lots of happiness. she deserves it.

living simple makes loving simple

i found this on my favorite blog. >>by the way sam, loving the new purple layout :)




below this picture, samantha asked what this picture means to her readers. i usually would comment, or not say anything at all and just think about it, but it's sunday morning, i'm in a thoughtful mood, and want to get started on some writing. to me, being happy came about after a LOT of hard work. but when it finally happened, i realized i was happy because i didn't define who i was based on what i own. i didn't base it on keeping up with the joneses. instead, i based it on what my soul needs. my soul needs books. my soul needs a notebook and a pen. my soul needs to know that if i wanted to, i could move to paris tomorrow and leave most of my belongings behind here at home. i used to think that i'd have to mail every last item overseas. but then i realized. this is all just "stuff." it may mean something to me, but at the end of the day, most of it is not benefitting my heart or my soul. it's just stuff, and i can acquire new stuff anywhere i go. 
and this led me to see that:
in my love life, i became much happier when i realized that i was comparing my relationship to others- "yeah, he hits her, but he buys her flowers regularly..." "they may be fighting every time they do so, but they call each other every night." i was comparing my relationship to every other relationship i had ever known in my life. i wasn't seeing that what we have is already wonderful, and that my being depressed was really taking a toll on everything. once i learned to live simpler and happier, i learned to love as thus. 
when you are someone that focuses so much on material items, you are not simple. but simple isn't stupid. simple is knowing what you want, knowing what you love, and honoring yourself. 


i shudder to think where i'd be today if i never evaluated my life and myself. this picture made me smile. thanks sam.

on individuality.

i used to be weird. no, like really weird. like as weird as lady gaga on her weirdest day. when i was in my first school, a catholic school from kindergarten-mid third grade, i used to tell people i was a witch. i think in my own mind, i believed it. just a little.

and then when i went to my second school, mid third grade-fifth, i still was weird. i always made goofy faces, goofy sounds. and apparently i "tried to walk sexy." i really felt different from my peers. i really felt alone, but at the same time, i felt enlightened.

and then i went to the next school district. 6th-12th grades. and somewhere in there, i lost myself. my true self. i never "sold out," per se. but i definitely toned down my differences, and it's because of that that i believe my depression truly manifested itself. i do believe it's in my blood, but i think thats what brought it out- the suppression of me. my me-ness.

cortland- there was the chance to bring back my me-ness. but instead of choosing to be a luna lovegood, or choosing to let my inner lioness show, i chose to be a first year neville, a mouse.

and then i came home. and here i am about to embark on my third year of college. and i've been thinking lately, here i am. finally coming out. as me. and i don't care if people think i'm weird, or if my faces are too silly, or if you don't like my outfit. go ahead and whisper about me in the halls. i'm not doing YOU, i'm doing ME. and you should be yourself. because it is so painful to hide who you are. anais nin said it best:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tightly in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

do you. wear you. write you. read you. BE you.

mission sophomore year: complete

"we can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce the experience as often as possible."
-oscar wilde

tomorrow is the last day of my sophomore year, and i guess i want to reflect on this past semester.
i met some amazing new friends and acquaintances: alessia, alex, rudy, mike, hal, and the rest of Patti Tana's poetry workshop; the women's students association girls, and sarah; and i reconnected with an old classmate, lauren.
i broke free of some friendships that were unhealthy.
i started writing one of my favorite stories i've ever written, and wrote some poems that i feel reflect who i really am.
i read some incredible life changing books.
my psychology class was wonderful, and most of the people were a pleasure to be in class with at 10 am.
i saw Lights in concert during my lunch break.
i realized i am really, really stupid when it comes to math, more than i ever thought.
i only missed ONE poetry class out of 30ish.
i won a poetry contest [third prize]

and some things that happened outside of school but are still worth reflecting on:
i got a new job.
i saw Taylor Swift and almost died of happiness
i went to the witches brew, a lot, and had a few girls' nights
i adjusted to my dad not living with me.
i'm overcoming fears and obstacles, and learning what's important.
i can cross a few goals off of my list.

all in all this was an amazing few months. i have such a newfound sense of confidence. since i'm not depressed any more, i feel invigorated. i feel like a bad day doesnt always become a bad week a bad year a bad two decades. i feel like there ARE people out there who are worth it. i feel like maybe my writing can take me somewhere. i feel like i can do anything i want to do if i put my mind to it [except for math]. the only thing i didn't do enough of this semester was day dream about Paris. but i'll take it.

next stop, summer :)

grandmother nature

i was born blue. blue fingernails, toenails, and lips. my heart didn't work right, and i could only imagine how scared my young parents were. there had been no warning before my birth that i might come out not being so okay.

my family prayed, i imagine, and worried endlessly. my grandma especially pleaded with God. "If erin makes it through, i will leave my job [working in a cubicle] to work for the greater good." and when i was better, she made good on her promise.

my grandmother became a job coach. she makes sure that special needs people are being treated right in the work place, that they are getting fair treatment, paid right, and given jobs that they can handle. she also makes sure that they are listening to their bosses, and performing their jobs to the best of their ability. she has more paperwork than i've ever heard of in my life, and works at all times of the day. if something happens to one of the clients on her day off, she has to drop whatever she's doing to help them out.

she's been going through a lot lately, but she still does her best to make sure her clients are taken care of.
this summer, i spent weeks at a time at her house in Queens, and she really saved me. my parents divorce really swallowed my heart whole and i didn't know where to turn. but grandma was there. i had a place of refuge, somewhere to hide, to be free. somewhere to roam and to have my friends over. somewhere to learn to believe in life and love again when everything was falling apart.

i try to tell my grandmother all the time how much she means to me. i'm sitting here writing this now because she is here driving me absolutely insane and i need to remind myself of why i love her even when she's the source of my craziness.

out with the old:

in with the new:

this picture isn't the best representation, i'm going to take lots more!! but i love my new haircut, and my hair is finally all blonde again, au natural! it was time for a change. snip out the old feelings of anger, resentment, heartache, and leave in the new feelings of happiness, appreciation and hope.

have a great sunday!!

what do you like about yourself the most?

obsession

I'm an obsessor.

i hate wasting paper, but i have to write down my to do lists. even though i remember them in my head. because if i don't write them down, i obsess over them. for hours, for days, for however long it takes until i write them down. so then i waste the paper by writing them down (i have to physically write them down, i cant put them into my phone, laptop, etc.). its gotten to the point where every sunday i sit down and chart out my outfits, lunches, and homework/to do list for the school week. every sunday i do this meticulously.
i obsess over jobs and why they aren't calling me back. school and if i'm doing alright and if i missed too many classes (i've barely missed any!!). everytime the tuition bill is nearing i obsess over my family's monetary situation. i obsess over how many pages in a book i have read and how many i have left, and try to force myself to finish them like lightning. even when i am thoroughly enjoying the book and don't necessarily want it to end. i obsess over showering. i shower every morning and then during the day, no matter where i am, i decide i must go home and shower again. because maybe my arm is sweaty, or something stupid like that. if i am in class, or in a similar situation where i can't just go home and shower right away, i obsess all fucking day until i want to cry.
i obsess over if people are talking or thinking about me. positively or negatively. ex coworkers, random guys, the people at the local library. i wonder why he unfriended me. is he done with me? am i happy about that? i didnt want a relationship obviously but he ended our friendship quite rudely and definitely on the ill advice of his friends rob and angel, or his sister.
i don't even care what people think of me in all honestly. i mean, obviously i do. but at the end of the day i know what kind of person i am and they maybe necessarily don't. i can't pray without obsessing. i sit down to talk to God and maybe offer a small prayer and all the sudden i've been laying there for an hour praying for everything/everyone from my family to disaster victims to people who've wronged me to the plants in my yard.
i feel like i can't do anything lately without a slight obsession. and it's taking over my life. i don't get to do the art projects i've been meaning to work on. i haven't worked on my short story in 3 weeks. i have so many random plans with friends that i haven't taken 5 minutes for myself where i truly did something besides sitting on the computer.
i am going crazy in a very different way than i ever have before!

on the bright side, tomorrow i'm getting my haircut. maybe taking some weight off of my head will take some weight OUT of my head. before and after pictures will be posted as well as the picture for inspiration. also after i do my wash i will post a picture of me in the hoodie Jamie got me for my birthday <333

addicted to the internet

if my computer died today, i would get so much done. i'd finish my 4th book of the week (Hate List by Jennifer Brown), i'd get another 10 pages added to my short story-turned-novella, The Dream Catcher, i'd watch Amelie and pay attention because its in french, i would study some french, i would do some homework thats not due yet so that i was ahead, i'd go outside and take some pretty pictures... i could go on forever. but right now i'm watching the children, so some of this can't be done anyway.

this summer i'm going to pick one week, and for that whole week, i'm not going to go on the computer OR watch tv when i'm alone and bored. not at all :)
i'm also going to drink even more water than i already do, and eat only fruit as snacks (but i will NOT deprive myself of dark chocolate!!)
i hope i find a job finally.
and i hope to go to the beach lots. reading on the beach is the best.

MAYBE i'll have a party, and MAYBE i'll have a reckless night with my girlfriends <3

what are YOU going to do this summer?

celebration.

ladies and gentleman, boys and girls of all ages.
today, a miracle occurred. a real, sparking, wonderful miracle.


here is the step by step of the miracle.


1- erin decides that her broken phone MUST be replaced.
without notifying mom.
or dad.
or anyone.
2-erin calls john and annoys him a bit.
3- erin starts to activate new phone, gets nervous, and never completes process.
4- erin then calls her cell number to see which phone rings. it goes to voice mail. erin starts to panic.
5- erin calls her cell number again. old phone starts ringing. erin ignores call and for some reason opens her phone, even though the inside screen has been broken since early september..
6- inside screen is no longer broken. erin now believes in miracles more than ever.


life is love. <3

just a day, just an ordinary day...

last night i dreamt about dream catchers. i've been writing about them so much, it was inevitable. no nightmares have plagued me this past week, knock in wood. i find it ironic that as soon as i decide to put these nightmares to use, they vanish. but i'm sure they won't be gone for long. my intuition tells me as much.

i dream about animals. i dream in vivid pictures, all in color. i dream about spirits coming to visit me. i dream about lions on subways and being lost in parking lots. i dream about being in love, kissing, holding someone's hand, being myself. i wish i had a record of every dream i've ever had.

today i got my sticker from nassau so i can see LIGHTS in concert, i went to poetry class, and then my teacher and adam ruined everything. our teacher is absolutely brain dead. she is a poetry teacher who doesnt understand abstract. adam is just... unbelievable. poor alessia, one of maybe 3 [above average] intelligent people in the class, writes wonderful poetry. and then our teacher, adam, and the class, shit on it one by one. they do it to me too, but not as badly. the whole point of our workshop is to ENCOURAGE people and criticize CONSTRUCTIVELY. not to tear people down. so fuck you, poetry teacher, and fuck you adam.

other than that, it was a nice day. semi-okay pizza, nice music, sun, and a long drive around town. but now i have a headache. time to lay down and maybe write some poetry. bon soir!!

why can't you just love me back?

i've only just realized that "begin" and "being" are made of the same letters. the 'g' is just moved. i wonder if that means something. that as beings we are always beginning. beginning every single day. beginning our journeys.
some people say that love is easy. if you love someone, be with that person. but love ISN'T easy. no matter what. sometimes the other person doesn't love you back. sometimes you don't have the courage to say I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO LOVE ME. and sometimes you just know that you and that person have tried and it hasn't worked, and you know it WON'T work and you have to say, "i can love you from afar and have a little heartache, or i could love you and you could love me and we could destroy each other."
i'm wondering what's more worth it: the heartache i must endure over time, or destroying one another? because sometimes i just want to destroy each other. delicately, of course. what i really want is for us to defy the odds. and NOT destroy each other. run away together and enjoy each other's company. listen to music in your car, hold hands, see movies... we don't have to have sex. we don't even have to kiss. but you have no idea what i'd give to kiss you once more. i don't want to do anything half assed anymore. i don't want to pretend i'm happy like this. i want a white hot passionate love affair.

i dont own this picture!! if you can remind me where it's from, i will give credit where credit is due. not trying to steal =[

new york, i love you, but...

i've been spending the morning looking at colleges, on collegeboard.com. i feel like a high school senior again!! after this semester, i have 2 semesters left until i get my associates (yes, i know i'm behind. i know people who are even farther behind). so i decided to be "responsible" and use my computer time to look at some colleges... in new york, and in california.

i put in my criteria (school must accept credits from 2 year school, school must be in a suburban/urban area NOT RURAL, must be public, have a good english/creative writing program, must have a literary magazine, etc) and then it gave me 29 results. 28 if you don't count cortland, which i don't. cortland is where brain cells go to die. also, for the new york schools, i am only looking at schools in the city, near publishing houses and museums. where when it snows, the streets get cleared up and people walk really fast. none of that upstate crap. i love visiting upstate but i'm not sure i should live there. any way i now have to request information from all of these colleges, and get cracking on practicing admissions essays, perfecting my GPA, joining some clubs, etcetera.

i also have to make sure these schools support studying abroad, but i don't see why one wouldn't. all my friends at 4 year schools, please bear with me while i laugh and cry about how annoying it is applying to colleges all over, etc. and please also don't try to convince me to go to your school. i love you all but i need to do my own thang.

i've also been attempting to fill out some job applications. as usual. i pray someone fucking decides to hire me soon or else i will be living in a cardboard box, not attending any college at this rate.

advice? thoughts? comments?

this song has been stuck in my head all day, and i didnt even know the words until now

mushaboom- feist


"Helping the kids out of their coats
But wait the babies haven't been born
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups

But in the meantime I've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road
Knee deep snow
Watching the fire as we grow old

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done

How many acres how much light
Tucked in the woods and out of sight
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap
On a little road barely on the map

Old dirt road
Knee deep snow
Watching the fire as we grow old
Old dirt road
Rambling rose
Watching the fire as we grow well I'm sold"


right now i'm at the point where i'm so exhausted i should be in bed, but i'm forcing myself to stay awake. sometimes i just like to torture myself, i guess. i'm looking at keri smith's blog, and wondering if the anonymous teen author who goes bt "zoe trope" is going to ever write another book. 


i spent the night coloring in butterflies. i want to cut them all out when i finish and make window decorations, book shelf decorations, and a mobile. andrea shared such a cute butterfly story with me, they are the most beautiful creatures. i think that i have to do things like this over break or i will go insane. my brain will turn to mush from watching "skins" the whole time. i have a date on monday with andrea and airen, making native american headdresses. i really want to start a band but there are so many rude pricks out there who won't start one with me because i'm a girl. true story. apparently boobs= bad singer.


but i don't care, if i want to do something i'm going to do it. as obsessed as i am with being an aquarius, one bad trait that aquarius' have is saying they;re going to do something great and then not doing it because we're lazy. we are the inventors. but i'm going to prove to myself that i can stay focused and not have aquarian a.d.d. 


am i boring you? good. i can't wait for my book to arrive in the mail. i keep going to write package and then think about something dirty.  


"you walk in
it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine
you walk in 
it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine
i slam the door and shut my blinds
dirty sunshine
i dont wanna believe in your merry go-round
stop picking me up when i wanna be down
scratch my nails on the floor and i'm liking the sound
what is that breeze upon my face?
how dare you invade my space?!"


sorry i had a lillix moment. i'm going to keep rambling because the best time to talk to me is when i'm about to fall asleep. i just might let you in on my deepest darkest secrets. my primal instincts and fears. i just might tell you what you want to hear. or maybe exactly what you DONT want to hear. so be careful what you wish for.


so there is something i want to comment on. in my newsfeed i came across a status today by an acquaintance that says, "Bisexuals are the worst kind of sexuals." and really, am i offended? no. but here's the thing. this person is a lesbian, out and proud. how would she feel if i wrote on my status, "homosexuals are the worst kind of sexuals"? i mean, what is the point? why put people down? i know she hates being put down for her sexuality. it hurts. it would hurt anyone. so even if her status was just a joke, why make that joke? in public? i dont think there is any bad sexuality. just people who make sexuality into this huge deal. everyone should be able to love who they love.




well, those are my thoughts for the night. i'm going to lay down and day dream. hopefully the daydreams will turn into nightdreams and not nightmares. ihop tomorrow!


goodnight <3

green jello is delicious.

this week i:

realized most songs i like are sad in some form

found out my teacher is certifiably insane

forgot to read for basically the whole week

tried to write a poem [it was a huge fail]

had an amazing time at the cheesecake factory and witches brew and book store and mall. [don't ask my         what kind of cheesecake i got. i dont like cheesecake.]

made new friends

and gave a big loan to the girl zone.

school is over for the week and i'm exhausted. the worst part is i have a full weekend of stuff ahead of me [some very fun stuff, but a lot of homework and laundry and stupid shit like that]. i really should try to write, too. and make some decisions. i have a full plate right now, i guess i should start metaphorically eating. i know everyone says this, but i truly wish there were more hours in a day. so i could get enough sleep and still do all i need to do. i feel like my to-do list is never ending. i have to schedule fun like a chore. 

sleep itself, it doesn't even feel so precious. even on the rare occasion that i fall asleep right away, i don't stay asleep. i wake up every morning feeling like shit. i try to eat healthier, and i'm definitely happier than i've been in the past, but lack of sleep really is getting to me. i toss, i turn, i talk, i jerk, and way more. i think there are natural sleep aids i can take. i'm going to research this. i know i could ask my psychologist for something but i wouldn't want to take certain things unless i NEEDED them. it looks like it might be that way.

i need to start honing my craft and also i'd like to paint more. and i need to finish putting my list of goals onto posterboard! that way they're bright and shiny and in my face. i can't ignore them if they're in my face. 

before i go, please, everyone tell me music recommendations. i need some new tunes.

xo 

the following week is going to be crazy..

tonight: birthday dinner with the family

monday: class, Fil's driving me home (thank you fil :) ) and then i'm going to get my glasses and spend time with thomas after his surgery (he'll be okay... he's having his adenoids removed, and sinus surgery). then, present time.

tuesday: psych class, going with natalie <3 to see Jeanne<3
              movies with Mike to see  "Youth in Revolt" and then out for some cawfee

wednesday: class all day then outoutout!

thursday: probably going to relax unless i get called to babysit. gotta make that $$!!

friday: lunch with andrea <3 then ???

reflection

it's crazy how a year can make such a difference. a year ago this time i was miserable. i had just gotten home from the worst experience of my life thus far [what i went through at cortland trumps my parents divorce, my almost dying at birth and every other bad thing that has happened to me. yes, it was that bad], and i didn't know what to do. i didn't want to be here, or anywhere. i didn't want to go to school, i fought a lot with my parents, i just had no idea where to turn. i turned 19 a year from this coming monday. on the day i picked to celebrate my birthday, my great aunt died. for my birthday, i had a funeral to attend.

but this year is already so much better. i'm happier, i found art in a big way {i had always known art was a passion but i have really come into my own artistically}, for the first time, i actually intend to follow through completely on my list of 100 goals. to be honest, i always INTENDED on following through, but i never had the motivation. but now i've found the motivation deep in my soul. i realized that although i can't help that i'm depressed by nature, i can do everything within my own power to be happy. i've been doing great in school, making new friends, catching up with old ones, making dates and plans and seeing where the road takes me.

all i need is a job and i am set to go on this roadtrip called life.

first day of school was pretty awesome, i won't lie.


i also wish i was asian so i could do my nails with more skill than a 4 year old.

lastly, i'm tired of being lectured about not driving. so, everyone who says anything about it is going to get "the hand."

everybody say yeah-eah-eah

i just watched the sex and the city 2 trailer [again]. this makes me cry. i've seen every episode of the show backwards and forwards. i know the story. i KNOW the characters. i've seen the movie. i've fallen asleep at night wondering if i could ever BE carrie bradshaw. thinking that miranda is beautiful. yearning to be part of that universe. and now, sex and the city 2. will it make me laugh? cry? ponder? yeah, it will do all of these things. but above all, i hope it doesn't disappoint. i dont want anything to ruin the greatness that is satc.

last night was my birthday shindig. i got to see airen, andrea, deanna, jody, natalie, carbo, and jamie. we just talked and laughed and swapped stories until we were too tired. i got beautiful gifts. andrea made me a gorgeous picture of marilyn monroe with feather, lipstick and sequin accents. she gave me a book about warhol, and 2 marilyn books. she seriously went overboard but i love it all :)

everyone else who gave me something also gave me wonderful things. but the best gift of the whole night was having everyone there, just being happy. thats all i wanted, and it's what i got. i love my friends. to all the boys who are annoyed that they werent invited, i love you all too, and we'll all hang out soon.

i love you all!

finally back!

drumroll please.
well, it's finally time.
i'm going to update you all on my incredibly boring life.
:)

where to start, where to start. well, russell is gone. which means that half of my social life is gone with him. who's going to cook me vegan food while i stand and stare and "help"? who's going to come to my grandma's to visit me when no one else wants to use gas? who's going to make me watch 1000 youyube videos? and who's going to sit in a parked car with me late at night analyzing everyone? wahhhh russell, come home, i miss you already!!!

this past weekend was wonderful. natalies party was cute, i really don't want her to go to florida for 7 months. it's not cool. but she's going to have a great time, and be tan. and thats all that matters. i felt really special to be included, i loved hanging out with her, and all our/her friends. sometimes i feel so weird like wait-i knew you guys til we were 11. then i went away for 8 years. now we're all friends again. i feel like i missed a huge chunk of the life i could have had if i stayed in east meadow. weird feeling, but i'm having trouble describing it. well, i believe in fate and i think its fate i got another chance to hang out with natalie, john, and jen, and meet their friends and become friends with them too. because i met some cool people at island trees too. wow this is sickeningly happy. can i just say that i have been off of my meds for a while and i feel great? i dont think its because i'm off of them. i think i'm genuinely happier and that makes me smile and love everyone. and its weird bc im not usually like that.

airen's party was awesome, too. me, natalie, russell, isah, alexa, the reaaallly hot gay guy Nick, airen, andrei, everyone made it amazing. i felt bad because airen seemed a little depressed and i love that girl. seriously. she deserves love and appreciation, not hatred. i will always have her back. i think that this world needs to learn to be respectful and loving. i don't think literally everyone should get along but everyone needs to give everyone else a chance. and we can all try to be happy and live in harmony.

the other night i went out with russell, john, aj, and scott. i'm so not used to being the only girl in the room, but it was nice. and then yesterday i went out with val, jamie, andrea, deanna, and aj scerbo [different aj lol] i havent seen AJ in forever. he's boss.

well, that's all for the update on my life. i forgot about 423855934589385959385 things i wanted to post but i will remember them at some point in time.

ps i applied for a job last night, wish me luck <3

does anyone [including, but in addition to] andrea want to get together and practice speaking french? im rusty and i want to be beyond fluent.

ok i'm annoyed with myself for not blogging a lot lately so i'm going to make myself a reminder for what i should be blogging about when i come back:

-adventures with russell
-natalies party
-airens party
-my party
-night with russell, john, scott, AJ
-my other half with an 'a'

**also i have a letter to write!!


there's probably way more. my birthday is coming up so soon and i'm oddly excited even though i really won't be getting many presents. but that's ok. i just want to see my friends and take lots of pictures to keep forever. sarah morrison gave me this advice on blogging:

"Be creative. Write stuff no one else is writing. Write about stuff no one else is writing about. Be accessible. Be genuine."


more on that later!!!


bye my lovelies