journaling

journaling awakens the soul. keep one, i dare you. write what happened today, what inspires you, draw pictures, do something to document your heart...


i notice that whenever i stop journaling, details fall to the wayside. but when i write in my notebooks i feel like the little things matter, and that i am really getting to know myself.

dog days are over

i used to have nightmares, every single night. for months straight.
i'd wake up every night at a crazy hour, crying, whimpering, or yelling.
so i decided to transfer that into a novel. which became a short story. which is growing into a novel.
but now the nightmares are gone. and i only remember clips of them, like a movie i know i saw long ago but can't quite recall.

so i'm sitting here listening to the florence and the machine album, which is the unofficial soundtrack for my story. and wishing my local library had a larger selection of books on the history of native americans. anyone know of a good NA history book i should read? i am taking a class on their history next semester but i dont want to wait that long.

"in the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you will die if you were forbidden to write. and look deep into your heart where its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must i write?"-


rainer maria rilke

my beloved, a knight in crystal armor.

today i finally got to go to the strand bookstore in manhattan. it was so amazing. the long rows of books, the prices, the rare book room, the art books. so promising. i wish i could move in. i saw the Tisch school of the arts and thought of Stefani Joanne Germanotta starting out as a new student.
i got to meet my friend's new girlfriend, who was a blast, and i tried vegan soft serve ice cream. it was delicious. i only spent $12.25 on food/expenses, and $4.50 on the subway. i heard the band "of montreal" for the first time, and i like it.
when i came home, there was a comment from sam on my blog [ i love all comments ]. and even though my legs totally hurt, and my abs feel tight, and i just ate two grilled cheese sandwiches, i am happy.

sometimes the fun stuff costs the least.
you have to wander aimlessly around manhattan til your feet are killing you.
sometimes you have to go to 3 different places before you get to pee.
and subway rides can be fun.

also, at 12:38 am last night/this morning, i finished the first draft of "The Dream Catcher." i am so so so proud of it. i sent it to an old teacher and a few friends to read. hopefully they can offer some constructive criticism. if anyone else would like to read it and let me know what they think, i'd greatly appreciate it. it's 16.25 pages, and i started it late february. it took me this long to finish because i needed the perfect ending, and i finally found it. a few days ago i had only 10 pages. soon i'm going to start my research for my next story, "El Dia de los Muertos." my goal for that is about the same amount of pages. i want to write a series of stories that are like a spiderweb; maybe a character will carry over from one to the next, or a place. you get the idea. then i want to put them all together in a book. all of the stories will have a mystical vibe, but no vampires. i promise.

fearless

via "Although I was voted “most likely to end up in jail” in high school, I decided to get an MA and teach literature and gender studies to college students across the country. Along the way, I’ve been unable to resist trying new things—including working an archeological dig, slinging drinks at a biker bar, and getting fabulous tattoos. I call all of this research for my writing. To fill my craving for new experiences, I’ve lived in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Southern California, and I plan to keep roaming with my family as widely and as often as possible. This year, I think, I’m living in Virginia." - Melissa Marr


this is the kind of life i want. to a t. i want to be an english and gender studies professor... but first i want to go into publishing. why? 1) for experience, 2) to feel important [i want to be an editor OR be the person who picks what becomes a book and what doesnt, specializing in YA and 3) because it will make me happy and give me an in in the industry. it would actually be perfect if i could work for an indie press. or even start my own one day.


THEN i'd like to try my hand at selling some of my lyrics, etc to a record label. recording demos maybe. i love singing, it's the best feeling in the world, but i don't think i'd want a career out of it. i don't want to ever have to conform, and i'm not as amazing as some people out there. fame isn't what i want, but i do want to touch someone's heart, anyone's heart with a poem or story or song. if i hear that just one person was touched and affected for the better by something i created, i'd glow inside.


and finally, teaching would be wonderful. i would love to teach, to give to students like some of my favorite teachers have done for me. i want to inspire the next generation and show them that they CAN do whatever they set their mind to. gender studies and english are definitely where my passion is at. feminism, humanitarianism, equality... those are core values. 


obviously the whole time i would write myself silly, create my little heart out. and who wouldn't take the opportunity to work at an archeological dig? i would never pass that up. i wouldn't say no to tattoos either! if it's true that you only live once, then why wouldn't you live to the fullest? live a lot of places [for me that would be paris, new york, california, and vacations in italy and hawaii and all over the world] meet a lot of people, learn a trade like bartending to fall back on, etc. i love life, and i intend to do this all, and more. whatever comes my way, i am willing to take it head first, fearless.


have a sweet day!

update on my life

hey :)

a while back, i wrote a story called "The Tree on Crescent Street." currently, that short story is entered in a writing contest in which the winners get to have their stories read by author Melissa Marr who will then i guess give us pointers on the story? anyway i'm really excited about it, and even if i don't win, at least people read my story!! you can vote here: http://www.radiantprose.com/entry/view/4

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you can either read it there, or you can read it on this blog under the tag "short stories." 

even if you don't have time to read it, i'd appreciate if you could just click "vote" at the top. it takes less than a second to do so. thank you so much, for voting, or for reading it, or for even reading this blog. it means the the world to me as an aspiring writer. i have so many new poems and stories up my sleeve. there is my dream catcher story, about dream catchers and the consequences of not being that nice to others; i have about 10 pages so far that are completely done, and i have an outline for the rest of the story. i myself am excited to keep going with it, its a very interesting story. i also have another story that i plan to write called "El Dia de los Muertos," about love, and if it really does last forever, and is the memory of someone better than who they really were? i'm still researching for that one :)

basically i like to write about mystical things, things that intrigue me, the kinds of things i would want to READ. if i had to pick an author i was similar to, i'd say Francesca Lia Block. but she is so amazing and writes the most wonderful things, i don't think i even come close to her. just that we both are into similar elements. my other inspirations right now are paulo coehlo, and of course melissa marr. i would love to write a short story about fairies, and potions, but nothing has come to me yet. 

i'm trying to get the motivation to keep writing. it's hard, because i know the stories already. they are in my head, waiting to be told. its just that i have to get them down on paper and not get bored of myself. it helps, though, to see my friends, and write down my ideas, and do lots of things that ARENT writing, because when you are living in real life, you are gathering ideas for life on the page. i've never been the type of person who sits down and says "i am going to write a poem/story/song/etc right now" and then is able to write. i have to wait for it to come to me. i am so surprised DC is 10+ pages already. i never expected it to even be that much when i started writing it. but it's taken on a life of its own and i'm glad. i cant wait to finish it, maybe it will be up to 15/20 pages. and of course in between reading, writing, researching, walking, working, seeing my friends, lunching, movie watching, etc, i will be here blogging all the time. in case anyone was wondering. i hear crickets.

lastly i want to say thank you to my friend alessia who, if i didnt meet her in poetry class, i just might have died without this past semester. thank you for the endless car rides, sharing a love for lindsay lohan, and always encouraging me to keep going with my writing. also you are a kickass writer and i hope one day we can go on book tours together and i hope we will always be friends.<3