one cell in the sea

there is this girl, L. she and i were friends when i moved to east meadow, and stayed there from mid third grade to fifth grade "graduation." then when i moved away, just a few towns over, to me and my other 11 year old friends it felt like i moved planets away. L came over here maybe once, if that.
i have always wished that L and i had remained friends. even back then she was effortlessly cool. someone who knew the trends and then made her own. someone who the boys liked not because she was exceptionally beautiful, but she had it. even in 4th grade she had it. i used to love going to her house. her dad was a dj. i don't know what her mom did. but it was always so much fun to go there. i can still remember sitting in her bedroom, always listening to the most popular music. she'd talk to me about her dance classes and our shared crush with a boy in our class. it made me really happy to be friends with her. she was so sweet and such a creative person with a great family. i remember when she found out she was adopted. her older brothers, who were twins, were adopted too. i remember thinking how cool it was that their parents loved them so much, not because they had to but because they wanted to.

i'm friends with L on facebook. sometimes i look at her pictures or her wall, to get a glimpse into her life. she listens to the best indie music, has a gorgeous style, and it exotic looking as ever. i wonder how different my life would be if i had stayed in E.M. would we still be friends at all? would i be anything like her? she just made a deal with a fashion company. she's starting her own line at 20. and i'm... here. last night i had a dream she was blind. and she STILL dressed so nice. and drove. and she still wrote down her thoughts in diaries [she has about 60 of them in real life that have been completed, she writes down everything. and her poetry/ other writing is to die for]. she invited me to share one of my poems, and i got all choked up. i had no idea which to share or what to say. i felt inferior. she was handicapped and it didn't reflect at all.

well honestly i have realized over time that being myself has to be good enough and is good enough. i can do whatever i set my mind to just like other people can do. so i've been making wise decisions, and making the necessary changes. i've been living and loving and i've been listening to my heartbeat and inner thoughts and feelings, and not paying attention to all the static around me or the toxic friends. instead of getting jealous when my friends go to Paris and England i say to myself, "not yet.. but soon. one day you will be there and it will be worth the ache." everything you truly want is worth the ache. just you wait and see. i wish L the best of luck in her life, and lots of happiness. she deserves it.