because when i'm with him, i am thinking of you.

it started with a dream. a dream that one of my friends was in love with me; a dream that i was roaming the hallways of my old high school; a dream that i was getting on a boat. and on this boat, along with me, the friend who loved me, and various people i may or may not know in waking life, was the guy who plays George Senior on Arrested Development. [why was Arrested Development stuck in my head? i recently watched all 3 seasons, then a few days ago i was going through my old Nylon magazines when i came across a fashion page about Rita and then last night i kept repeating "Mr. F" in my head and giggling.] and... michael cera, the loooove of my life, was in my dream KISSING ME and it was awesome. then he disappeared and i woke up and i was sad.
so i wanted to re-read the article on Michael in the newest rolling stone, the issue with katy perry on the cover. the last time i saw it, it was in my room. no one has been in my room but me since, and it's missing all the sudden. no one in my house will admit to taking it, not that i think they did. and it;s just vanished. poof.

this happens a lot. i lose things and cant find them. they are usually right in front of my face. they are usually in obvious places that i looked in, but didn't see the missing thing because i was so frantic. so now i wait. i have to wait and wait and wait until i forget about it and then i find it and dont even care about it anymore.

i've been so add lately. i think i may have to sew my head on so that it doesn't fall out. i imagine myself waking up one day and saying "fuckkkkk where is my brain?" and trying to think about where it could have fallen. one day i will have a house, and i like to think everything will have a place. and that i'll suddenly be less flighty. and that my spouse will be able to keep me sane. because i don't like this. i don't like this feeling.

it's not the magazine, it's everything.