Cortland

So, we all know that Cortland was not my favorite place in the whole world. I went there expecting to find friendship, adventure, and bonds with people who loved what I loved. It was supposed to be the best time of my life. My depression was supposed to miraculously go away. Yet none of this really happened.

I met a few acquaintances. They're wonderful, and I don't think I could have made it through as long as I did without them. Cali, Hannah, Amanda. You mean so much more to me than you'll ever know.

I longed to search the town, but I'm never one to wander off alone into the dark dreary days with snow and ice all around. No one I lived with would give me a chance, and I don't think I put myself out there like I should have. So, no exploring for me.

As for finding bonds with people over the things I loved, I was going to have to learn to love alcohol. And that, I just could not do. So there was a bust.

All in all, my depression spiraled deeper and deeper. I spent so much time in bed. I gained wait because I didn't move. I watched South of Nowhere on the-n.com and I ate candy. I didn't feel like there were many people available to talk to. I'll deem that 40-50% my fault: I didn't always put myself out there. I let people walk all over me. I went to class and left right away, didn't stop to make new friends. I put all my eggs in one proverbial basket. I thought I'd become close with a certain group of girls and when I didnt, I felt so isolated. I didn't try hard enough, I tried too hard.

The other 50-60% fault goes to those girls who I lived with. I tried so hard to be friends with them, and they wouldn't meet me even a quarter of the way. I let them walk all over me thinking it would pay off when they were my friends but this didn't happen. The worst part is, I know that 2 of those girls could have become great friends of mine in another situation.

I could go on forever. But the point is, I was wrong and I was wronged.

ps- the one GOOD thing about Cortland was the Hilltop Dining hall.... the BEST mozz/green pepper omelets EVERRRRR. I lived for those. also, organic chocolate milk!!

thank you, Cortland.