Your emotions are quite a bit more intense than usual, and one might take you by surprise -- a flash of anger or a sudden burst of romantic interest in someone totally new. Run with it, as it's as real as it gets.
so thats my horoscope today. i guess my emotions are more intense recently, tho i dont think i've ever felt an un-intense emotion in my life. i'm pretty much an emotional trainwreck. sometimes when i'm at a friends house, i randomly feel like i'm going to cry and i have to make a weird excuse to go to the bathroom even though i was just there, or step outside for a call. i'm really losing it, i could say, but i really doubt i ever had "it" at all. everything is so confusing. everyone is pulling me in different directions like a stretch armstrong doll. i feel like i am not good enough. and whats worse, i'm making myself feel bad for all the stupid things ive done. and the stupid things my family has done. and the neighbors and my exes and just everything has become my fault in my eyes. i seriously am going to go apeshit one day when no one is looking. i dont sleep well or eat well or drink enough so i'm always dehydrated, malnourished and tired. when i remind myself of this, i care for about one day then go back to only eating shit and drinking coffee and stupid shit that isnt hydrating. i'm such a huge fuck up.
i guess this is why i have been escaping and going to queens every time i get lately to go to my grandma's. i feel like i can live there for a few days a week and i feel a little more peaceful. i have more privacy so i can be sad or i can be happy. or i can watch vh1 all day. i can buy whatever food i want at the grocery store, i'm allowed to cook there, i get to spend a lot of time with my grandma who i take after in so many ways. i dont think she'll ever know how grateful i am that she takes me in almost every week. she thinks IM doing something good for HER. she'll never realize how she is saving my life.
i've decided that from now on, i'm not going to hide my weirdness at all. if you dont like me, fuck it. i probably dont like you either if you are closeminded. ive always identified with awkward girls. i've never been a rachel mcadams or a kristen bell or a rachel greene even though i'd love to be. i'm a kat dennings; i'm britney when she was going through her breakdown. i'm debra messing, ana farris. i'm funny and weird and i trip a lot and sometimes i say kooky things that only make sense to me. i wear weird shoes and weird clothes and jewelry and to be honest if i had money right now, my shit would be even weirder. chalk it up to imagination, something most people dont have anymore.
and by the way, if *you* are reading this, you are the most wonderful person in the world and i mean that. i dont care how many mistakes you make.
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