getting over you

getting over you is going to be both the easiest and hardest thing i have ever done in my life. true, you have given me happy moments. you were my first of a lot of things. you stuck by me through tough times. but you also tore me down and took away my confidence. i love you but i am not "in" love with you and i cant let this go on anymore. there is a knot in my chest. it would be so easy to just stay and be miserable. to play the same games we've been playing for about 2 of our almost 4 years. it was amazing when it was good but now it just causes me more and more pain. there has got to be someone better out there for me, i know there is.

i hate how you make me feel guilty for not wanting to continue this charade. isnt it enough you've made me feel like shit already? you tell me i'm insane, you beat me with your words. you say i will never fucking be happy and i dont deserve letters or flowers or basically love. you say its okay for you to lie to me, but its not okay for me to rebel. you tell me that its all my fault because i kissed someone else. but the truth is, i kissed someone else because you werent right for me. and this someone else is. im sorry but it has to be said. id rather end this now and still have some good memories of us, rather than drag it on until those days of happiness are long forgotten.

you'll never even see this. i told you it was important to me for you to read my work, or to see what i'm interested in. to make yourself a part of my life. you chose not to. not to call or write or even take 5 minutes out of the hours you spend on your computer to see whats new with me. the more i keep writing this, the more determined i am to get over you. the more i realize, you dont belong in my life! you dont belong here.

when i get home i am going to pack your letters into a box. i'm going to put you into the back of my closet until, years and years from now, i can look back fondly. perhaps we can one day meet for coffee. when i am completely over you. but for now, i have to let go.