the letter

when he got the letter, his mouth went slack and all of his organs took a collective jump. his tongue was dry and he felt the oil glands on his hair follicles begin to leak. it wasn't as if this was unexpected. it should not have rendered him speechless; it should not have been a rubber band around his lungs. when he finally came around to the real world again he began to tear the hair out of his eyebrows. a nervous habit.

this could not be happening. oh, but it was. he sat down on the burgundy couch to calm himself. dare he even speak? aloud, to himself?

"I'M MELTING, I'M MELTING! OH, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD."

FUCK what was that? the tv blared on in the next room. he feels hungry and sick at the same time. his mother. he had to call his mother. but they hadn't spoken in 12 years. not since he got out of there and moved to Pasadena with his father. not since he ran away because she could not be what he needed. she wasn't energetic, she didn't bake cookies or smile like the other moms. she stayed in all day on the couch watching soaps and crying. she was depressed. he did not want to be like her.

his palms sweaty, he reached for the pad of paper where he scrawled his addresses in a noir colored pen. he dialed 1. he dialed the area code. he dialed 7 numbers. he waited and waited and then a voice- a fragile voice- "Hello, -"

"MOM MOM IS IT TRUE?"

"You've reached Michelle. i'm not here right now but please leave a message after the tone."

he had to hang up. his voice was small, like when you're little and awaken in the dark, and try to call out for mommy, and nothing comes out.

he tried his father, his uncle. finally, he tried his brother. it rang 7 times. he thought no one would ever answer. not even a machine. "Hello?" a small voice said, sounding far away.

"It's Todd, is Mike there?"

"Todd?" the woman sounded like she would faint. "is that you? Todd?"

it was his mother. "Todd, he's gone."

"He was white. he was straight. he didn't use needles.." Todd was fading.

"AIDs does not discriminate."

he guessed it must be true as he fell onto the couch. although everyone wanted to categorize themselves into races and classes and most-likely-to's... it didnt always work. no, it didn't always work.