todays thoughts

i used to be able to read, watch tv, text, and even more all at the same time. then, rightfully so, my brain decided this was overload. long story short i was trying to watch real world:dc, and read at the same time for book club but thats not working out. im sitting here drinking Twinings brand lemon-green tea, iced, with orange slices. yummy.

i've been in queens for the better part of 2 weeks. it's been tough but i know in my heart that taking care of my grandmother is the right thing to do. she takes care of me. during these two weeks i've read "handle with care" by jodi picoult, and now i'm reading "going bovine" by libba bray. i've pondered my life, love, and aspirations.

basically what i see is that i refuse to let go of a big part of my past that MIGHT need to be let go of. bc its beautiful but toxic and its like really gorgeous shoes that dont fit anymore. you just want to keep them in the back of the closet, and look at them once in a while. but sometimes, you have to give them away. you cant move on to the new pair that fits until you donate the old pair. you just cant. so i'm deciding, does this pair still fit? do i squeeze my toes in and get blisters? or do i cut my losses, and find a new pair? or go barefoot for a while? it makes me want to cry just thinking about it all.