i get depressed. i get depressed for unrealistic reasons. i get depressed when i find out that people MY AGE are living a life i probably won't be living even 5 or 10 years from now. it chokes me up when i find out that such-and-such author had their first book published at 17 or that Tabatha, of Married to the Mob blog, is exactly my age, actually a few months younger, and is getting paid to do a lifestyle blog for a successful NYC clothing company. i can't even find a mediocre job, and she is getting paid to do exactly what i am doing now.

i try to help myself out. i search craigslist, and the internet, and the classifieds to see if there are any writing jobs i can get. I've decided to start doing open mic nights. i want to publish a zine but it's going to take a lot of time, and without a job to begin with, i don't have the money to produce it. i am not trying at all to be woe-is-me. i really am trying to be positive. but, you know, i get depressed.