i'm not the hunter, i'm not the marked

who wants to come over and make collages, etc soon? :)

If I cry

I am the weaker sex

If I scream and shout

I am the weaker sex

I’m expected to cook, clean, take care of the children, run a household, and work a 9 to 5 to help support my MAN

Because I am the weaker sex

I pay attention to the latest trends

I can’t upset the balance of our life

If I refuse your last name,

I am berated.

If I believe in equal rights,

I don’t know my place.

Feminism is a dirty word that

Many women themselves reject.

Because I am the weaker sex

Yet I endure rape.

When is the last time you walked home late at night,

Kept glancing over your shoulder,

Freaking out at the sight of your own shadow,

Clutching keys and pepper spray, knowing that

At any moment, someone could pounce?

They tell me, be submissive.

Because I am the weaker sex

And what about childbirth?

The hole isn’t that big, you know.

But my body is a miracle,

And I was made to carry the fruit,

The seeds of tomorrow.

Tell me,

Do you believe your god would bestow such an honor on the WEAKER SEX?

When you cry of a paper cut

When you whine because your feet hurt

After a “rough day” at the office

And when you lie to me and say you don’t want to hurt me,

But it’s really you who doesn’t want to feel the pain

Of the repercussions?

Yet I AM THE WEAKER SEX

PLEASE TELL ME

How do I prove myself to you?

How do I show you I am

Something more than a pair of breasts,

An object,

An ornament to hang on your tree

To show off to your friends?

Because if you truly are so unenlightened

That you can’t begin to realize what

EQUALITY is, than YOU are weak.

For I refuse to be seen as anything that contains the word “weak.”

I am a WOMAN. And I am proud. 

in new york.... concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do.

"don't see it."
"it will ruin the experience of the show, and the first movie."
"terrible! atrocious! an insult!"

i heard all of this and more about Sex and the City part deux. and so i went with a heavy heart. would it ruin all that i love about Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda? No. Nothing could. i know that now. these four women... these four beautiful, graceful, fashionable, real women... nothing could make me love them less.

i won't spoil the movie. i will say some moments had me surprised, some moments had me laughing my ass off, and just like the first movie, it made me a litttle teary eyed. because there is a soft spot on my heart for these girls. they're not perfect. they're not always right. but they are real.


carrie, she gives me hope. hope that one day i, too, will be a writer, and women will clamor to buy my books. that maybe one day my closet will be full, my feet will glitter, and i will be married to the one i love, even if it's not until i'm over 40.

samantha, she shows me that you can have a banging body no matter how old you are [they all do], and that sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

charlotte shows me that we all judge, but in the end, we can overcome judgement to help out our friends who need our love more than our anger. and that sweating the small stuff leads to more stress than we can sometimes handle.

and miranda... miranda shows me that women can do anything we set our minds to, that we can be moms and lawyers, that we really can juggle it all.

the friendship of these women is something i vow to use as a model for my own friendships. i support my friends, they support me. i may not always agree with them, but i love them and stand by them.
til death do us part.

ten things i hate about you

no one i know wanted to watch ABC family's tv show version of Ten Things I Hate About You. every single person said, "it can't compare to the movie." and you know what? i love Julia Stiles (where the hell did she go?), and Heath Ledger did a great job (which is a lot coming from me, i was never a superfan, even though i think he was a superb actor). but as much as we all love mid nineties dramedies, it is possible to take them and spin them into something new without ruining the essence of what it once was.

TTIHAY the series was smart, sexy, and outspoken. Lindsey Shaw as Kat was a great casting role. she has really grown since Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. as a character, Kat is an environmentalist, and a very active student and citizen. she will not stand for injustice whether at school, or at home. she sticks to her guns and her beliefs, even when others try to put her down. most of all, Kat knows herself and her body. she believes in the power of being a woman. as her younger sister vies to be popular and pretty, and the best at cheerleading, Kat just wants to be the best person she can be, and she wants to help others. she can come off as brash, and a bit rude, but to be honest, if i knew her in real life, she'd be my best friend. Lindsey Shaw is extremely believable. 

The series itself straddled an appropriate line between sexuality and virginity. i was pleasantly surprised at ABC Family for the healthy, refreshing way in which they depicted sex, sexuality/homosexuality, interracial relationships, single father/two daughters, etc. they did not shy away from any topic, great or small. and for this, i believe it would have made a great conversation started at the dinner table between young adults and their parents/guardians. 

unfortunately, ABC Family has chosen to cancel this show when it was just getting started. television is made up of such junk. it is so rare that a gem like TTIHAY comes along, and even rarer that it lasts. it, and its lovable characters, especially Kat, will live on in my heart. a great feminist and humanitarian rolemodel has been lost.

in the future, i wish great success to the actors and people involved in the process of bringing TTIHAY to life on television.

this summer i will...

-tie dye... a LOT!!

-do more yoga and get into great shape... not so much to look better outside but to feel better inside.

-bake more!! and experiment with my favorite foods like lemons and watermelons, and make more infused water/tea combinations!

-catch some vitamin d in the sun... i read a LOT. i should start doing so outside more

-discover new music

-work on my Dream Catcher story!!!

-write a lot in general

-relax and have fun when i'm not working

&& so much more

how many times will the clock go round?

the past four nights, I’ve dreamt of the same person, in different forms; sometimes he is himself, sometimes he is disguised at others, but it is always him. My dreams tell me to seize him, that he is somehow mine. And it scares me, because when I wake up all I have is a flicker of a strange dream and more confusion.

Sometimes in these dreams, he puts his arms around me.

Last night he put a knife to my past.

Sometimes he laughs at my jokes.

But there is always a sense of knowing.

In my dreams I know him, he knows me, we are kindred.

Yes, I know this seems kind of creepy. But I can’t control what I dream about, and I can’t control how I feel when I wake up.

Last night:

I’m in a large house. Both of my parents are there, my 3 siblings are there, my grandmother is there, and two more people walk in: my great grandmother, who died five years ago this month, and an elderly man who I immediately recognize as my grandmother’s dog who has just passed. Apparently, he has been freed from his dog body and now is human.

We all sit around and go about our various chores, etc. the old man tells me he is the patriarch, he watches over my family and protects us from harm. My great grandmother tells me she is the matriarch of our family, and she preserves my spirituality and lays a blanket of peace over us each night.

He walks in. shirtless. He brings me to my room and he tells me that its time to let goof my past; the things I went through, the people I knew, the people I loved or tried to.

I need to make room in my heart.

Clean out the ventricles, dust the chambers.

Change the curtains; re-arrange the furniture.

Make a little room in my veins for something new.

And I look at him. And he holds me. And when he holds me I see a brand new galaxy. I see beaches. I see oceans of glitter. I see light where there was once darkness. My soul reflects in his body and I feel warm.

And then someone else walks in. someone I need to let go of for good and forever. And they are horrified. Why am I in this person’s arms? Why am I leaving the zone of comfort I’ve kept for myself, the little box I made years ago? And this person I’ve been dreaming about, he takes a knife and actually makes a cut in the hand of the past. And I scream for him to stop but he says “you can’t have both” and I watch my future and my past battle. And I wake up.

I still don’t know who won.

☮

☮

peace: a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations, freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity, a state of tranquillity or serenity. 


or: A parting phrase, in good manner:

if you don't love me,

peace.

if you don't treat me right,

peace.

if you choose to ignore my offers of friendship?

the ear i try to lend?

the hand i extend to hold yours?

peace.

you want to walk away?

peace.

you want to talk trash behind my back?

peace.

you want to hold to your heart false memories of how things went down?

peace.

the list goes on and on. all i can do for you now is send peace your way.

but if you are a good friend? brand new or been around for a while? if you are here for me and you know i'm here for you? if you have a big heart, and big listening ears, and big eyes to see into the souls of others? if you believe just a little bit in magic? then PEACE. the good kind ;)

true beauty

"i realized that my tears were a gift; at school, the sisters had taught me that the saints wept with ecstasy. i opened my eyes, gazed at the darkness of the heavens, and felt my tears blending in with the raindrops. the earth was alive and the drops from above brought the miracles of heaven with them. we were all a part of that same miracle. how wonderful that God may be a woman... if that's true, then it was certainly God's feminine face that taught us how to love."


Paulo Coehlo, "By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept"

for you, wherever you may be right now.

you make me want to go to a dark spot
make the candles flicker make a wet spot
drink a little beer, out of character,
kissing your lips, now faster

you make me want to shudder with the wind
lose train of thought while the rain whips
eat with my hands, lust in my eyes,
strawberries, blueberries, banana cream pie

and if i can't have you tomorrow
give me your body just for tonight
and if i could, i'd split myself in two
a piece for myself and a memento for you

goodluck.

the choice is yours, don't be late...

i found it hard,

it was hard to find;

oh well

whatever

never mind.

mission sophomore year: complete

"we can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce the experience as often as possible."
-oscar wilde

tomorrow is the last day of my sophomore year, and i guess i want to reflect on this past semester.
i met some amazing new friends and acquaintances: alessia, alex, rudy, mike, hal, and the rest of Patti Tana's poetry workshop; the women's students association girls, and sarah; and i reconnected with an old classmate, lauren.
i broke free of some friendships that were unhealthy.
i started writing one of my favorite stories i've ever written, and wrote some poems that i feel reflect who i really am.
i read some incredible life changing books.
my psychology class was wonderful, and most of the people were a pleasure to be in class with at 10 am.
i saw Lights in concert during my lunch break.
i realized i am really, really stupid when it comes to math, more than i ever thought.
i only missed ONE poetry class out of 30ish.
i won a poetry contest [third prize]

and some things that happened outside of school but are still worth reflecting on:
i got a new job.
i saw Taylor Swift and almost died of happiness
i went to the witches brew, a lot, and had a few girls' nights
i adjusted to my dad not living with me.
i'm overcoming fears and obstacles, and learning what's important.
i can cross a few goals off of my list.

all in all this was an amazing few months. i have such a newfound sense of confidence. since i'm not depressed any more, i feel invigorated. i feel like a bad day doesnt always become a bad week a bad year a bad two decades. i feel like there ARE people out there who are worth it. i feel like maybe my writing can take me somewhere. i feel like i can do anything i want to do if i put my mind to it [except for math]. the only thing i didn't do enough of this semester was day dream about Paris. but i'll take it.

next stop, summer :)

grandmother nature

i was born blue. blue fingernails, toenails, and lips. my heart didn't work right, and i could only imagine how scared my young parents were. there had been no warning before my birth that i might come out not being so okay.

my family prayed, i imagine, and worried endlessly. my grandma especially pleaded with God. "If erin makes it through, i will leave my job [working in a cubicle] to work for the greater good." and when i was better, she made good on her promise.

my grandmother became a job coach. she makes sure that special needs people are being treated right in the work place, that they are getting fair treatment, paid right, and given jobs that they can handle. she also makes sure that they are listening to their bosses, and performing their jobs to the best of their ability. she has more paperwork than i've ever heard of in my life, and works at all times of the day. if something happens to one of the clients on her day off, she has to drop whatever she's doing to help them out.

she's been going through a lot lately, but she still does her best to make sure her clients are taken care of.
this summer, i spent weeks at a time at her house in Queens, and she really saved me. my parents divorce really swallowed my heart whole and i didn't know where to turn. but grandma was there. i had a place of refuge, somewhere to hide, to be free. somewhere to roam and to have my friends over. somewhere to learn to believe in life and love again when everything was falling apart.

i try to tell my grandmother all the time how much she means to me. i'm sitting here writing this now because she is here driving me absolutely insane and i need to remind myself of why i love her even when she's the source of my craziness.

taylor swift concer 2010

tonight was just... beyond comprehension.
the anticipation, the expectations, Taylor exceeded them all.
the chanting, the screaming, the sparkly dresses.
the medleys, the addition of justin timberlake's "what goes around..." to "you're not sorry."
the clips, the sets, taylor hugging the audience members and giving away her silver guitar.
telling her stories, singing the songs she wrote in her bedroom when she was so young.
teetering between sexy and sweet.
the drums. the heat. taylor crying and the look on her face.
the insatiable need fed, and then i was left hungry for more.
the ONLY thing missing was the new songs she added to fearless.

"With your face and the beautiful eyes
And the conversation with the little white lies
And the faded picture of a beautiful night
You carry me from your car to the stairs
And I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess, I need you"

"So you can read my heart, Padre. And you know I love him, with a love that is growing every minute. We discovered the world together, and together we remain in it. He has been present every day of my life- whether i wanted him in it or not."

-By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho

hair crush

the perfect messy bun

i love messy buns. i cant wait until my hair is long enough for one again :)

via

lauren conrad always has seriously gorgeous hair... blonde waves, long enough for any style. whoever styles her is a genius. i love when she wears braids in her hair... its a cute look for anywhere.
via

..need i say why i love Pink's hair?

who's your hair crush?

lean on me

to everyone i know from the cute girl i said 2 words to in class to my best friends in the whole world& my family, and everyone in between:


there are times when it may seem you have no one-
you do.

there are times when you want to give up-
but don't.

and when you want to cry, i am there;
here's my shoulder.

lean on me, you have someone.

to talk to, to not talk to, to read with, to lay out with, to eat with, to sing with, to cry with, to watch a movie with, to be yourself with [no matter how weird that self may be. lets face it, i'm weird.]

no matter what you can talk to me and i will listen. in a car, in a train. i'll do what it takes to be there for you, because you would do the same for me. don't hesitate to text or call and say you need me.

<3

books books books!

well, i only have 4 school days left: 3 quizzes, 1 test, 1 class party and thats it! there's not much i can do but relax; i don't have to study much because 1 quiz and the test are for english, and the other 2 quizzes are for psych and the teacher goes over the material right before the quiz. yes, lucky, i know. but i had to drop my math class that i've been working my ass off for this whole semester, because even with 100 on the final, i'd fail the class [my highest grade was a 60, and i got 7/10-10/10's on the projects]. you don't need to make me feel bad, i already do.

today was a great day though because not only did i finally go shopping, and come up with a new budget plan, i got 7 new books from the library:

Perfect Fifths- Megan McCafferty
Love, Stargirl- Jerry Spinelli
Wicked Lovely- Melissa Marr
Nine Stories- JD Salinger
By the River Piedra I Sat and Wept- Paulo Coehlo
Inkspell- Cornelia Flunke
My Fearful Symmetry-Audrey Niffenegger

I'm so excited to read these. I also got the new Bust finally!

But what i really want to talk about is author collaborations. i love author collabs, especially in YA. the first i remember reading was Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. i had already read books by both authors and was curious to see where'd they go with a joint story. i fell in love. it had all of the elements i loved from both authors. the two wrote a second book in conjunction, Naomi and Eli's No Kiss List. another goodie!
another collab i enjoyed was Let it Snow by Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Lauren Myracle. each author wrote a third of the book, it was three separate stories that came together neatly at the end, with a few of the same characters throughout, in a melody of delicious YA-ness.
the last book i read thats a collab is Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. in WG,WG, the first eponymous character is a straight male with a gay best friend, the ironically nicknamed Tiny. Tiny is writing a musical about his life much to the chagrin of WG. WG2 is a gay male in another town with no friends except for frenemy Maura, a bitter girl with an unrequited crush. Maura plays a terrible trick that leads to the meeting of the two Will Graysons.

What collaborations have you enjoyed?

i still have a list. it has about 30 things on it. i want to blog about all of them and more. but instead, i'm watching LAInk, admiring the tattoos and makeup of Kat (lots of black and silver eyeshadow, red lipstick, winged liner, etc on already naturally gorgeous eyes!!), and thinking about going to bed. i found a brand new blog that i loved, and i was in the middle of reading it, and all of a sudden, the author has taken it down. i'm sad :( i guess she had her reasons, of course, but i really was looking forward to continuing reading it.

today, i am super excited. because not only am i going to see Taylor Swift at the coliseum, andrea invited me to see paramore and tegan&sara... i've seen both bands live before, and they were amazing [and andrea is amazing for letting me tag along] !! i've never seen taylor swift live, though i'm sure she'll be great. this summer is going to be so awesome. i have a job, concerts to attend, and best of all, NO MATH!!! i'll catch up on my sleep, my reading, and blogging actual content and not just rambling! by the time may 20th rolls around, i'll have enough ideas to write every day =p

i'll shut up now, but i'm wondering:
whats your favorite summer read?

if i can't be liz lemon, i want to be lemon lime.

there's something about waking up in the morning, fresh from a bad dream, knowing that today is a new day. i've realized that it's not how long you've known a friend, it's how much of a friend they actually are [and you are to them]. it's not about the mistakes your family has made in the past, but the effort they make for a better future together. and it's about leading your life, not letting stress lead you. and that some people can give advice, but they can't take it.

now, excuse me while i watch glee and finish getting ready for work and school :)

one of the boys

i haven't written in a while. when i'm not at work [30 hrs a week] or at school [22 hrs a week], i'm too exhausted. i have a list of 22 things i want to write about when i get a moment but i decided to write a little now while i have the time.

something bothered me yesterday. i heard two women talking about their sons and bar mitzvahs, and how their daughters wanted bat mitzvahs, but weren't allowed to have them. because "mitzvahs are for boys." now, although i adore what i DO know of the jewish religion, i don't claim to know everything about it. so i DONT know what the general consensus is on this. but i think that girls should be able to have a coming of age party too. [and i know, i know, there is a such thing as a sweet sixteen, but thats not the same thing.] i don't know, i just think that little girls need to be told they are just as wonderful as little boys. and vice versa. if you let one kid have the mitzvah, why not the next?

idk. just running my mouth. on another note, it's almost summer!! school's almost out, and then i'll have more time to blog and read in between watching my brothers and working.
and beyonce has a new video out! which i like. a lot. and i've fallen in love with this blog. and i am reading this book.

well, i hope you have a good night :)
love&peace.