immie.

just wanted to let anyone who's out there know that IMOGEN HEAP, one of the most amazing artists i have ever had the pleasure of hearing, is coming out with a new cd, ELLIPSE on AUGUST 25. how's that for a run on sentence?

you.

you dont read this.

you are absent from everything that matters to me.

you dont want me or love me.

you abuse me, and make me feel unlovable.

like only you can love me.

but i know there is something more.

i am gathering up my strength.

to get out of your web.

i am nothing with you,

but i feel like i'll be nothing without you.

help me.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
- Mary Frye

goals

when i was younger, my goals were along the lines of...

*become a princess

and

*become a famous popstar

buttt here are some new things i am thinking of...

*nanny in france next summer

*audition for the real world when i turn 21.

*copyright my lyrics and send them to a few record companies

*get a novel published written in poetry, like "The Realm of Possibility" by David Levithan, or Francesca Lia Block's "How to (Un)Cage a Girl."

originally posted on my facebook 12 hours ago

I’m looking for a girl who is charming and witty
She can come from a town, or could hail from a city.
Does not matter to me, be she blonde or brunette-
Nor if she is petite, or tres statuesque.

I’d love if she’d write me poems and letters
And make gifts of things like smooth stones and feathers.
If she’d meet my family, I’d be in a state of delight,
Hope she be not afraid of a public kiss goodnight.

All I need is a girl who will comment my blog,
One who’s interested in books and the London fog.
I’d be blessed be she pretty, and aware of her surroundings,
May she always be comfortable near me, around me.

I’d love me a girl, who’s eyes shine like the stars,
One who believes there is much life on Mars.
If you are that girl, please give me a call…
For there is no need to be nervous at all.

bye bye bye

every time i am there for you, you give me 20 more reasons not to be.

you play with drugs and fuck other girls and then tell me you're in love with me.

and when i'm just about to walk away, your green eyes start to tear.

you tell me "please don't leave, you are the best thing for me, dear."

well fuckin' quit it, just forget it, i dont expect anything anymore.

i'm over you, so over you, and i'm walking out the door.

watch me.

twilight

ok. i am rereading the twilight series, minus breaking dawn. i have to say that the second time around, it's a little different. for me, breaking dawn ruined the serious so phenomenally that i cant even take the series that seriously anymore. although it has a cool plot, stephenie meyer is not really a great writer.

and i was wondering... bella lives in a world where no magic or anything of the sort exists. and then she believes all the sudden that edward is a vampire? shouldn't she be more questioning? she is supposed to live here, in the now. if some boy told me he was a vampire, i would probably walk away. at least, in harry potter, harry realizes that there have always been weird occurrences in his life that make it plausible that he could be a wizard.

by the way, i am team jacob all the way. just because edward sparkles doesn't mean he isn't an asshole.

by the way :)

i am probably *fingers crosseddd* going to europe summer 2010 to be an au pair! i am hoping for france. so now i have to get a passport, line up a job by march, and then get a work visa. then i am set to go! i am really hoping this works out. i love learning french, but i'd like to be immersed in the french and european culture. i believe the best way to become fluent in the language is to put myself out there. i am nervous, and i really really hope this happens. i am hoping i can work for a family that only needs a nanny for around 3 months. that way, if i am homesick, i do not have to wait 10 months or so to be able to come home. wish me luck!

sweet emotion.

i hate when making a decision for myself involves hurting someone else. i wish it was easier for me to not let other peoples emotions rule my life.

i follow my heart, but what about when my heart wants two different things?

omfg.

http://news.aol.com/article/child-rapist-gets-1-year/529719?icid=main|main|dl7|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Farticle%2Fchild-rapist-gets-1-year%2F529719

there are no words. a 64 year old man rapes a 4 year old girl, and is only sent to prison for one fucking year? is this a late april fools joke?

there are holes in the girls testimony? for fucks sake, she is 5, and this happened when she was 4! bottom line is, most kids her age dont even know what sex is, let alone rape, and they wont be making shit up. perhaps there are "holes" because she is a child. she is scared. she is alone. she is so brave to be testifying at 5 years old. this man deserves to be put away forever and to get help to let go of his attraction to children.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

happy fathers day,

to all the wonderful fathers like mine,

who taught us the difference between left and right,

and wrong and right,

and not to fight,

and took long drives

to ballet, to college, to soccer games

just to support you and be there.

happy fathers day,

to all the men

who held our hands whether their

genes matched ours

because they loved us no matter what.

happy fathers day to the dads that

brought us gifts when we were sick

and tied our shoes

and tried to do our hair when

our moms were not around.

happy fathers day

because i love you.

again again again

i really never will ever understand men. ever. try as i might. and i will never understand women, either. at least those i've been romantically involved with. what is it that makes [both men and women] so crazy? certainly, i know what makes myself go crazy. for example, i hate when i am not payed enough attention to, but i don't like being basically stalked (the other side of the spectrum). so i always try to be balanced in my relationships, and, in a way, do unto others as i'd want to be done unto. this is what i want in a husband or wife:

1. someone who knows how to pick up the phone, or write a love letter.

2. someone who is willing to read a book.

3. someone who loves children.

4. someone who is a romantic.

5. someone who tells me i am beautiful.

6. someone who wants me to be happy.

7. someone who i want to be happy.

8. someone who is perceptive of other peoples feelings.

9. someone with imagination.

the list goes on and on. but to be honest, i am not this picky. just be there for me when i need you. please.

http://lifeonmyside.wordpress.com/2009/06/15/the-concept/

^^ please please read this; its what i'd like to say to all the men i have ever met haha

some thoughts for the day...

i have to say that i find beauty in all dark corners of the world, yet the stupidity of certain "human beings" never ceases to infuriate and confuse me. it is one thing to care poorly for yourself, but to care poorly for others, the enviornment, etc; it drives me crazy that people can just walk around doing things that hurt everyone/everything and dont even care. ciggarettes... they hurt the people around you. secondhand smoke anyone? if you want to cloud your own lungs then by all means go ahead. do it in your own house. which, you probably dont want to do because it yellows your furniture, walls, etc. AND IT YELLOWS YOUR TEETH AND NAILS. yes, that is attractive. people are losing their jobs every day, but still you all continue to spend $10/day on your ciggs.. and complain about the lack of dough in your wallet! i have absolutely no sympathy..
also, i am a little upset at the lack of reasoning people have. for example, there is someone who recently told me that its ok for them to do 'shrooms because it isnt addictive. i dont know anything about magic mushrooms, but i do know this. if a person takes them a few times and manages to have good trips, they will want to take shrooms more and more. voila! this is called addiction. this same someone is on a very destructive path that has taken me, and others to [proverbial] places we have never asked to go. i do not usually pray, but i pray for her. i pray for the people who are ruining themselves, their immediate enviornment, and the whole world around them. perhaps they will realize the error of their ways before it is too late. i fear it already is.

lady greed

Go ahead; be angry with a side of spite

Cause I’m gonna be kissing him all night

You can tell me anything you please

But I’m never going to believe

You had good intentions at all

And I’m going to laugh when you fall

Cause I was always on on on your side

And my thank you has finally arrived

I don’t care anymore

Go ahead and keep slamming your door

You were never worth a moment of my grief

Sick and tired of your g-g-g-g-greed

Darling

Darling

Darlingggggggg

Go ahead and say you don’t care anyway

I have letters that say the opposite

I have pictures that all agree with me

I have friends who will stand up for me

All of your friends are leaving your side

They all texted me last night

No one wants to hear it anymore

You’re a crackhead and a 10 dollar whore

I don’t care anymore

I tried to help you; now I’m walking out the door

You were never worth a moment of grief

Sick and tired of your g-g-g-g-greed

ps

if you are ever in astoria, go down near broadway? or 34th street? somewhere around there.... and go to Europe Delights (caFE)! its sooo yummy.. i got the 'romeo y julieta' crepes... deeeelish,. i had nutella, banana, and strawberries. im still thinking about them.

life...

when i am all growed up :) enough to have a house of my own, i can already imagine what i will do with my free time...

fridays: i will spend my friday afternoons after work cooking foods for myself and my beloved to much on throughout the next week, so i dont have to cook every day. i'll make soups and pastas and italian desserts- NO canolis!- and whatever tickles our fancies and tantalizes our tastebuds. yumm. we'll spend the night eating takeout watching movies and shows like lost and weeds on dvd until we retire to bed, which you dont need to hear about.

saturdays: i will wake up bright and early to straighten a little, and read blog updates. i will spend a few hours writing, and then make my way into town to the used book stores and thrift shops, shopping guiltlessly and keeping a full wallet. saturday nights i will have friends over for drinks and games like scrabble and cards, bc i am a dork and so are my friends!

sundays: i am going to sleep in on sundays with my boo and roll out of bed and make yummy vegetarian pancakes and fake sausage and eggies and spend the day in bed reading and writing and ... you know.

the rest of the days i will be hard at work, both at wherever i work and on my book(s). thursday is book club and tuesdays i volunteer :)

idea!

200 books in 365 days!!!!!!!

After spending a little while reading two cool twilight blogs, what the forks and twilight guy, i was thinking of starting a second blog, or using this one, to comment on the books i read.. hmm any ideas?

that shit is dope, yo!

so i just finished The Wackness, a movie starring josh peck, ben kingsley, mary kate olsen, and olivia thirlby (from juno!!) i absolutely ADORED this movie. i won't give a synopsis, thats what wikipedia or imdb.com is for! but anyone who likes good film should watch this movie. NOW! and to be honest, i thought i was going to think of josh peck as josh from drakeandjosh or the amanda show... but i totally didnt! he was so good in this movie! go watch! now!

currently reading...

songs of the humpback whale (jodie picoult)

so far so great, as are all of her books!

****/5 so far.

Sundays...

are beautiful and peaceful. from now on, I am taking the lead of my friend Natalie, and claiming Sundays as a "me day." i will do only what i wish to do, and nothing else. i love sundays. ps they are the best because that's when frank warren updates postsecret for the week :)

So, before Samantha Moeller went all crazy on us and redesigned www.missbehavemag.com (as well as fired Sarah mo'!), she posted a blog entry showing off all of her tattoos! i fell in love with the picture of the girl in chanel bamboo earrings and possibly headscarf?? well, i can't find it! anyone think they can help me?

ps. she never should have re-done www.thehipstermom.com either!

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2006/09/27/top-ten-terrific-things-about-bipolar-disorder/

this article is a little weird. i mean, i knew all of these things already, and i know it is trying to show a good side, but it makes me a little angry. i would rather be less creative and NOT bipolar than say, "oh hey good thing i'm bipolar cause i write better songs." also, the staying up for days thing? not fun.

http://www.enotalone.com/article/9551.html

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I'm pretty sure that if Sarah Mo' ever met me in person, she wouldn't necessarily be scared. I mean, I wouldn't tell her that I follow every one of her blogs, or that I google her, or that I wear scarves on my head because of her. To be honest, though, lately I've been good. That means, the only "stalking" I've been doing the past week or so is taking note of her status updates on facebook, and trying to decipher her twitter.

Well, Sarah, if you're listening (reading), I love you.! keep on writing and keeping the masses entertained.

it's so easy to fall.

but the pain of the bruises and scrapes can keep you from getting back up.

Can someone tell me who said this?

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit it openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse, returned. But the one thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.

today my psychologist asked me if the reason i was having trouble sleeping is because i was up late watching pornography. lmao.

GOALS FOR THE NEAR FUTURE

*lose some weight and learn to feel more confident

*stop listening to all the negative forces in my life or at least minimize what i can

*stop hanging around waiting for people to come to their senses. i can't change you, i am wasting my time trying and i am hurting myself along the way

*find a talk therapist and find a medication that works well for me

*allow myself to be a little bit free-er and a little bit stronger

*stand up for my convictions 100 times more if i have to. i will not back down.

*not let people get the better of me

*learn to admit when i'm wrong and fight when i'm right

*find a new job!!!! one that makes me happy!

~more to come ~

they say there's beauty in the breakdown

but all i can see is the beauty in you