One Decade.

A lot is going to happen in the next year, let alone the next ten. therefore, i can't really be sure where i will be. in a decade, i will be on the brink of my 29th birthday. the way i see it, i have two possible choices: i can do everything my parents and society expect of me, or i could do what I expect of me. and although i may lose confidence in myself when faced with those who try to bring me down, i am a very stubborn young lady and i know what i want.

here's my plan. I'm going back to cortland this semester, not because i want to be there, not because my parents want me to go, but because i know that i can do much better than two d- and a couple of c+. never in my life have i been so insulted. i'm going to go back and get the grades i need to do what i want to do. second, i've been applying to transfer. as it is, my average is in the dumps and i may not get into my first choices, but i will leave cortland even if i go to nassau next fall. i'm going to face my fears and start driving. third, i'm going to graduate, with a teaching degree for french. when i graduate, i am going to get a job for one year at a store, in the mall, and take one year to be a kid and to do what i want. i'm going to save my money and write during my free time. I'm going to get a crappy apartment, outfit it with urban outfitters and live with Danny and a cat. once i've had my year of fun, i'm going to get a teaching job. i'm going to teach in a highschool, of course. i hope that while i teach i can make a bit of money on the side. waiting tables, something. i want to save up a lot, and hopefully write. i'm not sure when, but i know that europe is in my cards. perhaps over one summer i can take the trip i've been waiting for. and of course, i am planning on getting married and having babies. before i'm 40, i might add. i guess i have a busy ass decade up ahead.

All I Want for Christmas is...

peace on earth

death to the bitches of the world

and pie.

is it too much to ask for a redo on my first semester of college?

i completely bombed... it's ultimately my fault but i have to say there

were many many circumstances out of my control. and now it's 

going to be so hard to transfer.

but anyway i've been thinking, i want to start a no doubt coverband.

who's with me?

I dream of... getting more sleep.

Too much on my mind, and nothing good going on to write about. What's your weirdest dream and why? Do you think there is/was symbolism in that dream?

"there's room for everybody on the planet to be creative and conscious if you are your own person. If you're trying to be like somebody else, then there isn't."- tori amos

i wish people could realize that instead of hating someone for being different, we should learn all we can about our differences. sometimes people are so petty they let silly things get in the way of what could be a good friendship, or even a great one. other people are so ignorant, and they are taught so by their families, that there is no reaching them. then there are those who were once your friend and now sneer at you in the halls, trying to get you down. 

be who you are. play your sports, read books, listen to whatever music you like; don't be afraid to be yourself. there are always going to be jealous people and angry people who try to tear you down and make you less of a person. and if you want to make yourself more of a person? consider befriending someone you never would have thought you could hang out with... you may be surprised.

leave britney alone!!

Dear PETA;

today you went a bit too far in your criticism of popular culture, and said that the use of lions and elephants in Brit's new video was a form of animal cruelty. Chris Cocker must be having a bitchfit. shame on you, PETA. the video is called "circus." please tell me what you expect the video to consist of? did you actually see anything happen to said lions and elephants? are you that jealous that Britney is making her comeback? do tell...but for now, LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE

Luck of the Irish

Sometimes i can be very lucky. multiple times i have found good sums of money, or missed a class only to find out it was cancelled and didnt count against me. i'm wondering- is this because i am irish? am i short because i'm part leprechaun? will i have luck on my psych final at 4?

i really hope so. and-ps- have you ever found a 4 leaf clover?

getting old can get old real fast...

i'm quite upset. i really am. do you know what i just realized for the quatrillionth time? (it just hit home now tho...) 

so, before college my room was covered-COVERED- in posters and magazine clippings. everything was constantly changing and rotating and my room basically said "hello, i am erin's room." when i came to college i tore everything down and only saved my favorites. i plan on painting my room and making it sophistimacated. what do you think? thoughts on colors?

but what really sucks is, i will never get to cover my walls in ellegirl and harry potter ever again. unless dan lets me. and i know he wont. i'm taking just a moment to mourn... then i'm going to figure out a way to get around it!

it's a love story, baby just say...

yes.

i admit it, one thing about cortland that may be a good thing is it opened me up even more to music i would never have before considered. i was very open minded before, but now even moreso. my music collection has jumped higher and higher. hmm there is much inspiration to be held. anyway i have fallen in love with how cute Taylor Swift's music is. she's been writing since she was 11 or 12, like me, only she actually has a record deal...

what did college do for you?

a rarity among men

did you ever lose all faith in humanity only to turn around and look into the eyes of a stranger who actually wants to do something nice for you?

i did.

today my friend and i went to the nutcracker at cortland, but it was all sold out! we had just gotten all dolled up and there was nothing to do now but to go back to our rooms and keep studying for finals. when all of a sudden, there rose such a clatter... we sprang up on our feet to see what was the matter! it was a man, and presumably his wife, with two extra tickets! for free!

and the play was absolutely beautiful. the little children and the costumes... i could probably gush for a while, but my point is, i didnt know there were still people left in the world who would help a stranger out. too bad i lost my ticket in the snow after the play was over. i wanted to keep it in my scrapbook =\

if you have nothing nice to say, dont say it at all!

obviously, some people are only for free speech if what is said contributes to their own happiness.

out of the blue i have decided to comment upon words that can offend people, and how i feel about them...

shit/crap/ whatever: people, these words should not offend you. i will not even address them. if you are over the age of 14, there is no reason to get soap in the mouth for saying such a thing. in washington's time, the word "darn" was so atrocious. would you ever yell at your 5 year old for saying "darn it!" ? i doubt you would.

fuck: i say fuck all the time. so do you. while i don't believe little kids should be saying it, it's out there. and i don't find it very offensive. then again, i fucking have a fucking potty mouth and people should just fucking deal with it. :)

c*nt: here's a toughie. this word is definitely the bully on the playground of bad words. i try to avoid this word as much as possible, and only save it for people i loathe beyond reason. there is no real reason to use this word unless this person is the scum between your toes. and even then, you probably should save this for your own personal ranting about them to your journal or a friend. 

pussy: i'm not so sure about this word. i don't like saying it, i prefer "pie" if i'm not going to say vagina. thank you, meghan fox. in all honesty, there's really not a need for this word unless you are a fifth grade boy, or a pussy cat doll. 

now for the big finally, the two words i cannot stand!

fag: unless you are british and asking for a cigarette, you should not be saying this word! it is offensive to anyone, gay or not! there is literally no need, and if i hear this word come out of your mouth, not only have i lost a great amount of respect for you, but i will have no choice but to assume that you are one of the most homophobic people of our time! and yes, exclamation points at the end of every statement are necessary! this word is a no-no, and if i hear it from you, i will do my best to wash your mouth out with soap.

gay: "oh my god, i cant go out in this, this outfit is sooooo gay."  "ugh my teacher is soo gay. i have so much homework!"

ok, i admit it, i myself have let this word slip. but it's wrong, people! if you are using this word to mean anything than what it really means, you are no friend of mine. not only are you promoting homophobia, you are implanting in your own head over and over that being gay is stupid, wrong, annoying, or unfashionable. the only ONLY time this word should be used is when you are talking about homosexuality.

any thoughts?

tWILIGHT THE MOVIe

so, again i have seen Twilight the movie...

i thought they did quite a great job. robb pattinson is so good looking, and he really brought unto edward a new dimension. as for kristin stewart, not only is she incredibly sexy, but she matched bella to a t. 

since it was my second time watching the movie, and of course i have read the books, i focused my attention on the lush colors and atmosphere of the movie. i have to say, the use of cool colors in the landscape, and the way everything was majestic in its dreariness, i loved it all. the forest was especially gorgeous. and i loved bella's room. her walls, her  purple bed... it was so perfect, and i was even inspired for my own room.

if you havent seen twilight yet, go see it!

thattttts me...

Today is the first day of the rest of your life... who said that, anyway? Today is just another day, struggling to go on.

anyway i decided to say a few things about myself, sort of an introduction. i am currently a college freshman attending cortland university, trying my best to find another school. i love to write, and sing; i have been published a few times, and my dream is to write songs for other artists, as well as record a cd or two of my own. i'd love to write young adult novels and publish the volumes of poetry hiding under my bed.

i live an externally boring life, but my thoughts can be quite mesmerizing like an escape to a chaotic world. i dont often drink and i definately dont smoke, and i dont do drugs. i've tried all three, i'm not naive, just uninterested. i've been with the same boy for three years, and i plan to marry him and drag him off to NYC or france where we can live in a cluttered apartment decorated in urban outfitters. we will have babies and parties and i will write whenever i can.

besides writing everything from free verse to novels to memoirs: i love to read, listen to music, go to the mall, and hang out with other strange people who like the same things i like.

now to get to the actual point of this post:

have you ever felt you were different on the inside and out?

like, on the outside, i'm an 18 year old college student who has no clue about the world, no money, and no means to explore and travel the way she wants to.

on the inside, i am a thirty year old mommy with a sleeve of tats and black skinny jeans. in my head, i have lived in the hostels of europe, and swam in warmer waters. i have toured castles in ireland and gotten married at the beach. in my head, i have lived the life i would love, and i have loved the life i live. 

so.. have you ever felt similarly?